turkey day O:

OKAY. the school week is finally over. and i have the whole night ahead of me to type it all out >D

YEANABABE,
oh gosh :C
i get the predicament that you're in, though i've never said yes D:
^though that's cause i've always been mean ==" i'd laugh it off pretending that i think they're just joking D: WHICH IS CRUEL TO THEM. >__<
but i think if you manage to make it clear to them that you're just going with them as a FRIEND...then your guy might get the same message. and to him, this means hope (:
I SAW A PICTURE HEY HEY (;
^facebook :D

WENDY LOVE,
YOU DONT HAVE TO BE STRONG IN FRONT OF US.
we know you as supergirl and everything, but we still want you to be YOURSELF. all exposed, vulnerable, EVERYTHING with us (:
why?
'cause we unquestionably love you.
now about this Travis guy...
you say he's a good guy.
and i trust your judgement.
but that facebook status seems a bit dodgy /:
though. there's the possibility that he was crushing on this girl...but you know, he got rejected and whatnot. so then he sees Wendy, this gorgeous girl that he figured he could like
after flirting with you like crazy, the INTEREST DEVELOPES EVEN FURTHER (:
though i'm worried about you if he still has this status up...how frequent does he go on facebook? maybe he was serious about her so it hurts to take it off? O:

ROSANNAMOMMA,
it hurts that you're so close (SAME STATE >D) but still so far away :C
if possible, you should see when you have time (and i mean serious time. i don't want you to stress out trying to have a free day to hang out, i want it to be a "oh, i have nothing planned that day, i've relaxed the day before and everything and i'm happy" day so you could come over to the city to flushing, cause cause i recently found out that Won, even though he lives in connecticut he goes to flushing to shop O: WEIRD AS HELL. but incredibly convenient for a mini NSLC reunion..? :D


so about my last post...
i can't explain it without introducing him first though O:
his name: is arthur (:
chan.
(:
(:
yeah. but if you look at my facebook statuses lately....he's that "hamsturr" i mention. alot. =///= and i'm his "tractor" XD
it started when our mutual friend jon (polar bear) meant to call out "tracester" and ended up going "tractor"
weird. but it stuck (:
AND HERE I WILL LAUNCH OUT INTO A WHOLE TALK TALK TALK ABOUT THE MOST MENIAL DETAILS...so really. feel free to skip on ahead >__<
so we met. through facebook. XD
no not really. technically it was through Antares, my school's sci fi magazine :D
my friend Leeza is the editor in chief of it, and i was joining this year
and she was saying at the meeting how we should all feel free to say hello to each other in the halls, and i panicked and asked her "WHAT IF I DONT REMEMBER YOU?! D: "
and someone just said "OH. DONT WORRY. WE"LL REMEMBER YOU XD FACEBOOK!"
so arthur facebooked..well, EVERYONE in Antares. so that's early september (:
later on, you guys know how i went to NYAF the New York Anime Festival, no?
well after i got home and such i got a friend request from some guy named Howard. and we had some mutual friends so i figured "okay, he might be in one of my classes but i dont remember"
actually, Howard graduated from my school already but he saw me @ NYAF and remembered me 'cause i always held the door for the dining hall @__@
through howard i became friends with jon (polar bear) which was extremely random. he just. friended me. because i was friends with howard @__@
and with our constant wall-to-walls i started appearing on Arthur's news feed cause you know how you get the wall to walls of your close friend's conversation with their friend who you dont know, etc. etc.
so it started with:
"hi, my name is arthur
i feel like i should introduce myself as well (cus jonathan's chat with you is dominating my newsfeed)
i added you cus you're in that antares thing
and i just added everyone from that club so it looks like i have more friends!
i was too lazy to say hi to anyone before
but now i've got nothing better to do!
so hello friend!"

and when i asked towards how i would recognize him at school he said he acted like a "flaming homosexual" XDXD
so with this, and cause when i saw him in person he said he was gay (and with all seriousness) i honestly believed he was GAY.
so this is why i never said anything about liking someone.
i was extremely upset. when i thought that i was crushing. on a gay guy. gosh.

so basically.
we talked.
and talked.
and talked.
and there was this one time. when i teased him about how he shouldn't mind me taking a picture at halloween of his friend in a dress
"XD
i thought you were gay, it shouldn't matter whether he looks manly or womanly (;"

"im not gay
im not straight
im just confused."

it was horrible of me to feel happy when i saw that he was confused. but i was happy.

the constant talking ensued
our facebook wall to walls grew to the point that we had to post them seperately in "parts"

so the talking ensued
and he started to play the guitar around me and we started talking music
and the first song that he played for me was that youtube song "mario kart love song" cause we both found it so ridiculously awesome. 'cause cmon. MARIO KART (:
i found it funny that later on as we started going out one of his friends came up to me and said "LOL, WERE YOU THAT GIRL I SAW HIM SERENADING IN THE ATRIUM?"
i blushed and nodded 'cause back then we were friends. but apparently didn't look it?

yeah. so we made plans early in the week to meet up saturday to go to Times Square's Toys R Us cause it was the biggest one we knew, and we were looking for a hamster girlfriend for him XD
later in the week before the day we were to meet up
MY SCHOOL HAD A FIRE. there's this arsonist going around setting things on fire.
at first it started out small, you know- a bathroom or a garbage can. we assumed it was some retard who just didn't want to take a math test (though it started becoming more frequent and more dangerous. some fires were set purposely near the robotics room, and with all of the grease in there it could blow up half the school and another fire was set near the eighth floor escalator that was under construction that could've blown us up to kingdom come. XD)
yeah. so we had a fire on friday the 13th.
later when i got home, i see a fb message from jon the polar bear
and hoorah! cause he came to be a good friend
but. this good friend. confessed to me :C
and i just couldn't say yes. 'cause unlike yeana and wendy, i am a cruel person and i didn't get that special feeling from him.
feeling all doom and gloom the next day, i met up with arthur @ toys r us and i had fun O: it was just so easy to be happy around him (:
so we hung around toys r us, scoured it for hamsters FOUND NONE, sang along to the taylor swift song playing over the PA system XD
and we took the train downtown to chinatown for BUBBLE TEA <3 and we ate at some restaurant for lunch
standard just hanging out with a friend stuff, though this friend just happened to be a guy O:
we went to the park afterwards and you see, it had just literally rained so EVERYTHING was wet so the park was empty (:
though he had a box of kleenex in his bookbag (we both had sat classes earlier in the day) and we wiped off a table and sat
we did weird things
we watched leaves and identified shapes (one was the triforce from the legend of zelda...XD)
we talked about fog
shoes
and like creepers, we watched these little kids playing in the park.
we then played whatever music i either had on my phone, or he had on his itouch and we sang along to them. loudly. and not very well XD
and you see, it started to get late
and we had to go home :C
so our conversation just...stopped. and we sat there. i didn't want to go and i figured he just found it awkward to get up before i did
so i started to put together my stuff and he started to put together his sentences all nervous like (:
he then used a line from the Mario Kart Love Song, "Will you be my princess and I'll be your toad?"
you see, i was shocked.
surprised.
UNBELIEVING THAT THIS WAS HAPPENING. so my jaw was dropped and my head was blank.
he looked at me, and i looked away and covered my face with my hands
when he asked me what my reply was i just nodded furiously cause...well, i couldn't talk O__O
i was just so embarrassed and happy (:
i must say. we're an awkward couple.
we didn't hold hands or anything
we just walked each other to the station (WE GOT LOST. XD)
and talked like crazy like always
when i got home, i thought i dreamt it all O__O
but his friends would send me comments going "nudge nudge" and such >///<
that night, he ended his facebook relationship with jon the polar bear. and i told him about jon the polar bear confessing. he said not to worry cause he was just going through some troubles and was feeling depressed so he was confessing to girls in hopes of making that feeling go away.
it was true.
he confessed to my friend
a week later to another of his friends
and then to me =="
so i was feeling relieved cause i didn't want to lose him as a friend
and he was arthur's close friend
so awkward if things didn't work out..

things didn't work out.
jon stopped talking to me.
i shouted out a hello to him in the hallways and i was ignored.
though i spent a lot more time with arthur (:
and got closer as friends
and slowly became less AWKWARD of a NERVOUS couple XD
i seemed to have drifted farther from polar bear :C
then he told me something that made me...upset.
i questioned him through a facebook message as to whether or not he wanted to be friends with me cause i told him that it hurt to keep saying hii and to continually be ignored. He told me that he knew that one of his BEST FRIENDS, arthur was going to ask me out and he asked me out on friday the 13th cause he wanted to do it before arthur could.
i was mad.
but sad. that he did this.
and this was not the shit.
arthur wanted to meet...MY PARENTS. D:
WHY?
CAUSE HE'S CRAZY AND WEIRD D:
for some reason, he was convinced that they'd like him.
make a long story short...
i told my mom first at the restaurant
she got mad
i got yelled at
i argued
she gave excuses
i rebutted them (thanks NSLC (; )
i cried
and left the restaurant with my stuff, i decided that i'd just take the subway home instead of waiting for a ride.
and the sweetest thing was
arthur was there with eleven of his friends just eating dinner before i got there to introduce him
cause we thought that maybe she should sorta meet him first before she automatically hated him.
so i was with one of my friends as i introduced him
his friends started filing out of the restaurant as they finished eating
and he was the last one out causei told him it'd be best if he left since my mom was sorta yelling
i later told my friend not to bother waiting for me 'cause i didn't want to cry in front of her, and i told her that on her way out to tell arthur and his friends to stop waiting for me outside cause i wasn't leaving anytime soon =="
so after that bit of arguing and such
i left the restaurant
to see Arthur waiting outside for me (:
he panicked, and called his friend's mom and asked her what to do
she told him to stop whatever he was thinking, AND NOT TO GO INSIDE to talk to my mom (which was what he was planning XD) and to just stand outside waiting for me.
it's a good thing he didn't go inside, or there might have been blood D:
so my mom outright rejected it.
and i felt like the shit had hit the fan.
i cried that night as i resolved to talk to arthur the next day and ask him if he was sure he still wanted to be with me. 'cause i didn't think it was fair to involve him in my dysfunctional family :C
he'd either leave me. which would show that he didn't care enough to stay. or he'd be the sweet retard that he was and leave me thinking that it'd be best that we weren't together so i wouldn't have to argue with my parents.
in the end, my friend talked me out of it, AND ITS A GOOD THING TOO.
cause later on in the week after a cold war with my mom (my dad still has no idea...) she confronted me about it and told me many...many things. but in the end she said that she accepted that nothing she said could change my mind about it, so she wanted to just see how it worked out first and gave me many things that i had to improve and all. but no sweat, i was already improving in the school aspect 'cause arthur's such a nerd that he tutors me and makes me sleep early instead of staying online all night
he gets me to go to sleep early cause he says he wont be able to sleep cause he'll be worried (:

then ended my moment of crisis...
also.
today.
polar bear said hello to me (:

there are still things troubling me
some of my friends said that we got into this way too fast 'cause it was really just a month that we knew each other O:
but. it felt like so much longer O___O
and every day that i spend with him
i think.
i may be possibly
falling in love with him.
i'm too scared to say anything
i don't say "i love you" because i can say that easily to friends (easy peasy cause i love them (: )
but to a boyfriend
this was something serious
and i still haven't said it

we're a slow
and awkward couple
and at first i was afraid everytime he was with his guy lovers so much cause although they were supposedly joking, i was still scared that it'd turn out that he didn't like me and would prefer a guy.
he kissed a guy.
the guy just came up to us, and he kissed him right on the lips.
i can't lie and say that this didn't bother me =="
but now he doesn't do homo stuff as much XD
it's more like i'll tease him when i hug my friends like crazy
and he'll tease me back by hugging his friends, and er, etc. with them XD
i figure that it might mean that i'm kinda sorta important to him and to tell the truth, i don't get a lot of perverted jokes so he's almost...afraid? to touch someone that he calls "innocent" XD
his friends teased him a lot at first.
first they would say "OMG, YOU'RE STRAIGHT?"
and then "LOL, YOU FREAKING PEDO. SHE LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE DOLL" TT_TT

but i'm slowly becoming more secure with him
it helps that he told me that he likes me BECAUSE i'm so weird XD i was afraid that my weirdness would drive him away =="
and i was scared that he'd fall for some hotter girl (cause he has a lot of friends that are girls, and so do i :C)
but this one time we were talking about how cute one of my friends was (AND SHE IS, SHE'S FREAKING ADORABLE) and he just ehhed and said that she was a cute that you could find everywhere and he liked how weirdly adorable i was to him (:

so i've gone over how we met, how it happened, random crap, the shit, and how i got over my insecurites :D

i just want you guys to know that he'll never replace you guys in my heart, and I STILL LOVE YOU ALL AS MUCH AS EVER <3

with love,
tracy.

p.s. i'm forgetting something...