My Darlings.... (muy rapido)

Hola,

Yo estoy muy cansado porque es una semana muy larga. ahhhhhh ok gracias queridas.

Translation: I am very tired becsaue it has been a long week, ahhhhh ok thanks dearies. I am tired and sad and not very happy with life right now. Its dumb, but this week we had the wake and funeral for my grandfather and it was so draining emotionally, like I missed some midterms and realized that life just goes on. While your life may stop for whatever reason, in this case, my grandfather, I realized that life is life and you have to live it. Sometimes it sucks and it hurts and it is stressful, but it is what it is. Just live it because you can live a life for someone who no longer can.

***Note to my girlies: this is not in response to anyof your posts, I am just venting. How are you guys doing? I am sorrry for the shortness, but I have a lot to do and will of course post a much longer one soon, hopefully.

Ok, mucho love
Rosanna

151st post!

Hello ladies,

Rosanna, how are you doing? :/

Wendy, I hope you get time to write soon. :]

Tracy, MWAH <33

I hope y'all are checking your mail. :]

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Why do guys throw our feelings around? Do they even know they're doing that? I don't think they do. Sigh.

Lately I've been having to stay up late finishing up homework. You can basically see it this way: while Tracy is getting out of bed, I am getting into mine. And whenever I'm online this late, Haley's been iming me and talking to me. And when we talk, we really click. I don't know if this is because we just know each other so well or if it's because we just click. Well, whatever the reason, I've been starting to wonder if he likes me. I assumed he asked me to formal because we're friends and he needed a date, but now it's confusing me. But he hasn't even talked to me for the last 2 days. So I'm really confused now.

Sigh.

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I am hating school these days. It's just awful. I'm not getting enough sleep so I end up snapping at everyone. :/ It's not a very pleasant time. Sigh.

I hope you ladies are doing all right.

love,
Yeana

LANDO GIRL

Omgsh guys...I just wrote a super long post and for some reason, everything got deleted.

I am distraught.

I reallly don't have time to write one over again, but just wanted to let ya'll know that I've read the recent posts and hope that everyone is doing okay!!!

I will post soon.

Love and miss you terribly,
WENDY

For a Moment...

Hey girlies,

I will not be able to blog for a while. My grandfather passed away last night and have midterms this week and the show so it is going to be hard juggling everything. I just thought that you should know.

Rosanna

for but a moment

To my lovely ladies,

I've been incredibly unresponsive to our blog because I don't want to rush the post nor skip corners. I want to be able to give my all to you guys- and at the moment it's finals and good gosh >__<

Note: I just took my physics test in which part of it my teacher is going to factor into our final, if i got a ninety plus i get facebook back! O:

Yeanababe, don't talk like that- you'll break my heart. Silly goose, we already know you love us forever C: (& i certainly hope you all know that the feeling is mutual)

Mock Trial sounds AMAZING and from just reading "witness" & "attorney" I'm already filled with nostalgia ; ^ ;

My english class had a debate today; incredibly legit (!) with formal wear & everything (...my outfit was somewhat...formal. It was rather eccentric but my teacher let it slide. I've worn...odder. XD I'll have to pull it on again and post you all a picture. ANYHOOS. When I went up, I remembered NSLC and our trial. I was shaking (NERVES OF STEEL...HAH.) but thinking of you guys calmed down enough that I was able to project my voice just fine (: I felt nervous after I finished, but classmates from my team and even classmates from the other team commended me after class was over. I felt proud as a representative of our term of NSLC Law.

WendyLove, I'm taking the Ro- for some reason. i was about to say "the Rosannas"...goodgosh XD

I'm taking the SATs in March as well C: that is....so long as i remember to sign up in time =__= I HAVE TIME. i'll do it in february, I just want to get through finals week first D<

I'm really starting to like the weather in NYC now 'cause you can go out with either a sweater or a regular coat pulled over and you're set C: I dont like feeling all bulky in the subways, and my clothing is sometimes rather... eccentric ? and really. some people in the subway have no shame, they will STARE. Oh, the subway. stranger things have happened.

Regarding your "study first, fun later" i think it's brilliant how you have so much self discipline. I can tell myself that- but I'll find that I wont be following said mantra. I pulled an all-nighter just yesterday because over the three-day weekend I procrastinated two out of the three days. And on the third day I didn't really get much work done until about 4 AM. It was around then that I had a sugar high (I ate five bananas, a poptart, blackcoffee&sugar,&two cans of soda) in which i picked up all of my school books for the debate and sat in the bathtub and started cracking...strange...but it worked out pretty well (: though there wasn't enough time to really study for Chinese /: Bright side, We get ten minutes to make last minute changes to our essay. While most will be editing their 200 characters (at least!) essay, i'll be using those ten minutes to speed write 200 characters. hah. wish me luck >__O

I dont make much sense when I dont get enough sleep or if I take in too much sugar/caffeine. Although I do think it makes me more aware and I study better in my opinion. hohums.

Rosannamomma, our lovely flower- I feel the same. I dont really like group projects because if I do bad then it was my own fault, no one else's. However, I usually put a lot of effort into projects and it rather bothers me when my classmates dont do the same.

I'd love to see that cardigan on you ; u ;

CARDIGAN. i dont think i even have one, i think i'll google it later to truly understand it.

How'd West Side Story go? O:!!

To my Lovely Ladies, CHILLAX. you guys all have the extra curriculars, the grades, and the determination to get into a great college if not the one you were aiming for! Don't underestimate yourselves (:

Ah. Valentines Day. I went to the store today and @ CVS i was barraged by aisles of PINK selling chocolates and dolls for Valentines Day. I assumed Wendy would know but Chinese New Year- the Lunar New Year is on Valentines Day. & the New Year is celebrated with family- shoot me now.

I'm getting sidetracked, do any of you celebrate the lunar new year on it's ever changing day? There's a kid in my history class who mentioned (when we were discussing assimilation) that rather than celebrating the Lunar New Year (he was korean) on it's every changing day, his family just celebrates it on January 1st 

So Yeana, Nik didn't work out /: A shame, but I know you ladies will all find the right guy (:

^goodness, look at me talk XD

Did you guys know that Valentines Day will also be my three-month with Arthur?

Ladies, I don't see Arthur often. We have no classes together because, well- Juniors and Seniors don't often have classes together =__= We see each other during the passing between classes if anything XD And goodgosh, I have my last two periods of class free so I could possibly go home early- but I actually enjoy waiting for him after school O__O I used to love going home early 'cause I'd be the only one in the house so I could experiment and try out new things to cook for lunch and whatnot. However, my parents have been home practically 24/7 and that's a story for another time. anyhoos

We basically have an hour a day together on the train ride back to Queens, and then we head in opposite directions by bus. He broke his phone & his mom doesn't know about our relationship yet so we hardly ever talk by phone- and with finals coming up we don't talk on aim often either.

But ladies, despite all of these "obstacles"

I'm in love with him.

I'm one who can easily love a girl friend, (you ladies had my heart after only ten days (: ) but i'm much more cautious towards guy friends 'cause- well, they get the wrong idea often and it hurts me when I lose a great friendship ): I grew up playing with my brother a lot so I'm quite the unorthodox girl. When I first started going out with Arthur (goodness i blush at him name, how lame///) I could feel myself falling for him- and this scared the bejeezus out of me. I didn't know when you were suppose to say these things, and I wanted him to take me seriously when i said it. I wanted him to know that although i say "I love you" to my friends a lot- that doesn't mean that I'm throwing it around. I wholeheartedly love my friends, and I wanted him to know that I felt that way about him in another level of love. And well, I don't know why I'm saying this- I guess it's 'cause I desperately want you ladies to meet him /: 

Ah, it's 3AM i suppose I should try to nap a bit before i wake up but two hours later for school XD

hohums, the rest of my news in a flash:

i'm going to get a ukelele, i'm planning on using my chinese new years money/ birthday money for it :D I'm extremely excited C: That silly boy wanted to get me a ukelele but that's spending much too much money =__=

Yeanababe, thankyou for worrying. You make me feel like i'm that much more tangible- sometimes I think i lose my grasp on reality itself and I fade back into my mind.

My ladies, I've been going through some rough times with my dad but that was the norm

Today was just out of the norm a bit? (in a bad way though XD) I think I'll need much more time & some sleep before I can really explain it all =__=

But here's something to reassure you all; no matter how er- intoxicated my dad has been (and sadly it's happening more often. I think someone is a bonifide alcoholic when they have liquor in the morning afternoon and night with their daily meals and sometimes as their daily meal.) he's never hit me or my siblings. Mind, he's broken the wall before rather than hitting us- the dumbass (forgive my use of language) broke his hand before from overdoing it. But although he never hurts us physically, the same can't be said about how he hurts us psychologically.

I seem to have a particularly bad relationship with him somehow compared to my other siblings. It's somewhat to be expected, he used to be the nicest to me when I was younger because I had the best grades but lately I've been lacking in that area so I guess that's simply how the world works?

It's just horribly complex and I'll explain it another time

But ladies, I'll be alright. I haven't quite told anyone and even if Arthur chances upon my blog post and asks- I dont know if i'll be able to tell him like I can for you ladies. I think he should have to worry about my silly little issues.

I dont think you guys should either- but hohums. it's. different. I want you guys to know what's happening in my life, no secrets. That may be the beauty of our relationship (:

Don't worry about me ladies, I may not be "tough" per se- but I'm rather sturdy.

Love Always,

tracy.

Azn Sensation

Hello ladies,

After seeing footage from the earthquake in Haiti I suddenly got very scared. I live in close proximity to the San Andreas fault line, and the area in which I lived was heavily shaken during the big quake of '86.

I'm sure everything will be okay, but just in case anything happens and I can't contact you guys, I'm letting y'all know that I love you forever. :]

Anywhoo, putting that aside...

Tracybabe, are you okay? I read your blog. What's up?

It's raining pretty heavily here. I think it hailed at one point in the day. I wish it would turn to snow. :]

Rosanna; I hope you did well on your exams. Hold up; it's you; I know you did well. :]]

I had my first Mock Trial competition on Saturday. The team's first attorney opened her mouth and destroyed us with her first few utterances. We literally had no chance, but it was....fun-ish. My witness forgot how to spell his name. LOL

How's Florida, Wendy? How're things with the guys? Studying up for SATs? GAH it's this Saturday... T^T I have to retake my math SAT II. Sigh...

I managed to pull through first semester with decent grades, but I'm starting second semester with a bunch of low grades. I am not very happy right now. Sigh...my teachers are ruthless and one does not know how to teach. Amazingly enough, this teacher is my APUSH teacher.

. . .

I'm rather worried about the APUSH exam. Anyways, at least my Bio teacher is awesome. I swear I love her to death. :]

I hope everyone's doing well. I also hope I get a boyfriend by Valentine's day. HA. HA HA.

Love,
Yeana

It's Only Life...

The title of this blog is a song by Kate Voegele. It is really good and when I am down, I listen to a lot of her music to help me through it. Just some food for thought.

It is so cold here, a little below zero with wind chill. And I love it - I love the cold, I love the winter, and as odd as it sounds, it does not feel very cold at all. I guess I am used to freezing weather? - so when it is thirty-ish degrees outside, I am wear a light jacket...

I have in-class midterms starting this week: which means that for my electives class time is taken out of the school day so that I can have my final... it is usually split up into a few days (spanish is 3 days and criminal law is 2), then the last week of January is midterm week, so when I have a midterm, I go into school, but if I don't have one, I don't go to school. It is really nice becasue I have a sort of break...

Criminal Law is stressing me out. Our final exam is to put on a trial - we are taking a fairytale (the Pied Piper) and making it a criminal trial. Since this class is an elective, usually for seniors, many of the people in my group are lazy and it is getting to me because we have a lot to do still and our trial is Friday. And me, being the group leader, I have more on my plate, becasue I get penalized if my team is not on the same page. This may sound snobbish, but it is hard for me to work with regents kids as an AP kid becasue I am so used to having motivated and driven people around me. Wow, that felt nice to get off my chest.

Yeana- I am glad that you have reached that place. I think that it is a good place to be. And am proud of you for getting there, I can definetly relate to how hard it is to go against your parents wishes, but it is something that must be done. (my parents don't want me to go into law)

I bought a cardigan today, it is a lovely shade of blue. It is the first one I have bought in a while (like 6 months) and I am excited!

Ok, I must depart because I have massive homework to do and since I am in the midst of auditions for my school's musical (West Side Story) I need to get ahead on a lot of assignments.

Love to all,
Rosanna

:) From LOL.

Hello my lovely ladies!

Yeana, I'm sooo happy that you have this figured out (kinda sorta?)! I very much like the idea of going to a college in the upper east where you will be in the environment to pursue your interests, and of taking classes both in theatre and a different major. :] Seems like such a easy solution, but I guess sometimes we reallly need to think about what we want to do in the future...and make sure that it will be right with us. Of course, college will only be another adventure and we may not even be too sure then! But I'm positive it will all be okay. :)

Anyways, it is getting reallly chilly in Florida! This time for real...today's temperature actually dropped below freezing! It hailed this morning and stupiddd Floridians thought it was actually snow...they posted it all over Facebook. Oh gimme a break...save me guys. :PPP
Nevertheless, I love this cold weather. It's just perfect! Rosanna must think it's a sin for me to say that...but Florida weather really does get too hot for me. I don't like it. >.<

So moving on to life...Hehehe. Well, my 2 week break is pretty much over; school starts again on Monday. It will be different and will take some getting used to. However, my break wasn't all fun and games. My parents are getting really strict about studying for the SATs so I have been working on this online program. I just hope all this work helps...I'm taking it in March and I just want to be done with it. I am getting so nervous about college and applying and everything!

The thought of applying to college just overwhelmes me. I have such high goals but I don't even know if I can reach them anymore...
As of right now, nothing else is important...so nothing else has been going on. I am turning into my parents more and more every day-- "Study first, then fun stuff".

*sigh* This discipline may get me nowhere, however.

Let me know how you guys are doing. Hope your winter holidays went well!

<3 WENDY

To my ladies

Tracy, Rosanna, Wendy,

I clasp my hands together and praise the Lord for his goodness when I think of the day that we all met.

It was (and still is) a difficult time for me, and I am so thankful for all of you. I sobbed as I read each of your words; every one is like a diamond that's embedded itself in my heart. It's as if I've regained the strength to go on.

I've been doing some more thinking, and I've also been talking with my drama teacher. Wendy, you're right; it IS hard to make a living unless you get a big break, and that doesn't happen to many people. So I've decided to continue studying other things. I want to go to school in the east, preferably New York, and perhaps either do a double major or maybe get a minor in theatre and music or something like that.

I realize it'll be tough, but I think it'll be worth it.

I'm still not sure exactly what I want to do with this. My ultimate dream would be to go to Korea and become an actor in a drama, but that's not very likely. I would love to be on Broadway... who knows? Maybe it'll happen.

But I need to keep my options open; I realize that I can't just shut down everything for this.

Thank you, all of you. You really brought me out of a huge crash, and I love you guys so much.

I'm here for you, too.

I miss you, but through this blog I feel like we're still all connected, we're keeping this friendship alive, and most of all, in times of need, I can feel your support.

I can't say this enough; thank you.

With love,
Yeana

Yeana.....

As stupid as this may sound: I totally get what you are saying. There comes a point where all you can do is think of music, the rush you get before curtain goes up on opening night, being someone else even if it is only for 2 hours. I completely (in my own way) understand what you are feeling.

I don't want you to live your life with any regrets. I think that is one of the worst things a person can do. Love what you do to the point that you can't imagine your life without it. If you don't want to be a lawyer, don'e be. It is not bad to go to college without a goal because sometimes you find yourself there, someone that you never knew was inside of you. I do agree with Wendy though, you should talk to your parents about this, and it may not be right away, but eventually you will need to. Organize your thoughts, put them on paper -- why this is so important to you.

Don't give up this dream Yeana, because dreams become realities. They really do. And there are so many things out there. Theatre via school, community theatre, young actors clubs and so on. There is so much out there. Don't give it up because others want you to have a different path in life. It is your life sweetie, not theirs. If you hate what you do, you will hate your life. Go for it, no regrets - we all love you and no matter what will support you and lift you up -- ALWAYS.

I do really understand what you are saying. I love music and everything about it and the theatre - if I didn't have it I wouldn't be me. If it is a need, there is really only one thing to do -- and you know what it is. Do what is right for YOU - forget about everyone else at the end of the day you are all you have and settling for something is not the person I know.

It is ok to be scared, it is life and as crappy as it sounds it is true, but from what I can tell, this is something that you need to do or try to do atleast becasue there will always be that what if...

I love you so much, don't hold yourself back, have vocal lessons and go for it. We got your back sweetie, no matter what.

I love you, text me of you need me.
Rosanna

yeana babe

i love all of my ladies, but in this moment of need

i think i'll address this letter to yeana

but by no means does it apply solely to her

my words, my heart belong to all of you (:

To my most lovely Yeana,

Babe. breathe.

This may not quite help at all, but when i went to NSLC and learned about Law and whatnot, that's when i knew this is not for me.

I loved it and all O:!!

it just scared the bejeezus out of me & it didn't feel right.

You're a fantastic public speaker love,

you blew us away when you had the stand (:

But if you don't want this to be your thing, then okay O:

Of course, Rosanna's right- the future might pose a big issue O__O

But you know, then you can have more than one job. A job to pay the bills, and you can still follow your dream (:

It'll be tough love /:

But from what I've read, you love this. And from what I know of you, you hang in as tough as anyone I know.

Love, don't you dare think "is it too late"

i'll bite you.

In case you forgot....BREATHE.

If anything, I just decided about two weeks ago that I'm going to study to become a physical therapist (: Of course my parents & siblings didn't take me seriously since I'm an absolute fail at science. But it's alright 'cause I got the encouragement from people that matter to me (and the discouragement came from people who don't matter- thus i didn't care so much when they said it =__=)

Always with all of my love,

tracy.

p.s. if you end up living in your "rathole" of an apartment--> dont put up with that kind of shit. MOVE. get your singingacting butt over to NYC and live with me in MY rathole of an apartment. A change of scenery can do alot for opportunites perhaps & I would like it very much if you would serenade me now & then (;

In response to Yeana...

I will write about myself later today, but right now I just want to help you Yeana!!

I can kinda understand what you're going through...When I was in 8th grade (yes, I know I was young but that doesn't matter!) I wanted to become an actress. I did drama in school and everything, and I loved it! Like you now, I watched all those kids on TV and realized that if this was something I'm passionate about, then I'm going to have to do something about it! And quick! Of course, I knew it wasn't going to work out for me (but that doesn't mean it won't for you) and I gave drama up as it came to High School. But Yeana, you are passionate about this! I know you are! So if this is what makes you happy...then you need to sit down with your parents and discuss this with them. Please listen to what they have to say and make sure they know what you have to say. But before you do this, you need to make a Pro/Con list or something. Lol. Even though this may seem as the right choice now, you need to think of the future...can you support yourself and possibly a family with this decision? And will you be willing to work possibly just a little harder to make yourself known? Sometimes you just have to take the chance, but sometimes you don't see the consequences at hand, because you are so young. I am not trying to encourage or discourage you, because I don't know what I would do myself. But my best piece of advice would be to talk to your parents about this...because if you do want an acting career, you're going to need an agent and everything. You'll have to start small but I believe an agent will steer you onto the right track. And since you live in California...these kinda opportunities should be available right?
So I hope that helps...I know it must be so hard with your parents disapproving...I don't know from personal experience, but my father went through the same thing. He was accepted into one of the most prestigious music schools in China to become a professional violinist, but his parents wouldn't let him. He's a doctor now and he's made our lives very comfortable...I'm not saying he never regretted not going, because I know he did, but he says he is very happy now. So even if this doesn't work out, sometimes we can't get what we truly want, or what we want the most...but the next best thing may make us very happy as well. Sometimes we just have to settle for what we can get, and make the best of it!

Hope this helps, and please call/text if you wanna talk...

<3 WENDY

Azn Sensation

Hey ladies,

I need some advice/help...

I was just finishing up my biology notes when it hit me that I did not want to do this for the rest of my life.

Well, I mean, I've never been a science person so I knew that I wasn't going in this direction.

What I mean is, I don't want to be stuck reading and researching for the rest of my life.

We're so close to college...and we're all at that point where we're asking ourselves and each other, what do you want to do with your life?

All of my friends have the answer for me. "You'll be a lawyer, of course."

My family has the answer; "You'll go to a great school and you'll study hard and become a lawyer."

But in my heart I know that's not the answer.

Yes, I've realized that maybe I do have a knack for public speaking. Maybe I like doing it. But to argue on paper for the rest of my life? I don't know...

And lately it's been much more obvious. I want to perform. I want to sing. I want to act. I want to express all of this...whatever it is...that's bottled up inside. I see people onstage, and instinctively, I know that's where I want to be - no, it's where I need to be.

But is it too late?

I keep having this feeling that it's too late for me, that I've started down a path and passed the point of no return. My parents would never accept it. I don't know where to start, who to go do, what to do...I don't know anything. People younger than me are onstage, performing. People my age who aren't onstage have been practicing for years. I have no chance.

And yet...I want to give myself that chance. Or rather...I want somebody to give me that chance. I want to have singing lessons, and I want to go to auditions. I feel so trapped in my room, just watching movies and dramas and feeling my soul cry out inside me for want of relief.

Something tells me that I'm not just an obsessed fan girl. I see those fan girls and I know I don't belong there.

Help me, guys. I don't want to give this dream up. Yes - it's a dream. But maybe...just maybe...it's attainable. What do I do?...Do I start over again? Do I just cast everything else aside and follow my instinct or do I throw away that dream...and possibly regret it for the rest of my life?

I once told someone that if Andrew Lloyd Webber told me to never sing again, I'd do it.

But once I said it, I knew I was lying. I wouldn't give that up for the world.

I'm so scared. I'm scared to tell someone, to tell my parents, because I know that this community doesn't want that from me.

20 years from now, what will I be doing? Will I be working with a client on a case? Will I be performing to my heart's desire? Or will I be sitting in some rat hole of an apartment somewhere, just trying to get by because I've failed in everything?

Azn Sensation

Hey ladies. :]

Rosanna: when it's 50 degrees where I live, we wear parkas and shiver until our limbs feel like they're going to fall off. :]]

This reminds me of something my math teacher told me last year: he used to live in Alaska. On the first day of spring, no matter how cold or snowy it was outside, he and all of his neighbors would come out in their shorts and t-shirts and drink a beer, taking in that good ol' spring air. :]

Tracy: I love you and your videos. Also, 3D glasses ftw.

Wendy: I think it's natural to be attracted to another guy while you're still in your "relationship" with Travis, especially if your "relationship" isn't getting anywhere. He really can't expect you to wait forever, and if he does, then he's being selfish. But I mean, you should talk to Travis. :/

I go back to school on Monday! T^T As soon as I get back I have an exam in Bio...then another exam in Bio on Tuesday. LAKJSDHLAKJGOAIE;FAH

Rehearsals for You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown also start once I get back. :] No gradual jogging back into school for me; it's a full out sprint from day 1 to the end.

How were/are all of your Christmases and New Year's? Mine was very quiet; we didn't really do anything special. Maybe it was better that way...sometimes you just need to stay home and laze around.

And don't worry about me and Nik...I'll figure it out =.=. I hope I do, at least. I have to see him again on Monday...hopefully I can just avoid him without any awkwardness. Wendy, I really don't know if he's that clingy with other people too, but our drama department is kind of clingy in general. I'm the weird one there. Hahahaha...

Here's to a new decade and a new year. Happy 2010!

amor, abrazos, y besos
Yeans