Azn Sensation

Hey ladies,

I need some advice/help...

I was just finishing up my biology notes when it hit me that I did not want to do this for the rest of my life.

Well, I mean, I've never been a science person so I knew that I wasn't going in this direction.

What I mean is, I don't want to be stuck reading and researching for the rest of my life.

We're so close to college...and we're all at that point where we're asking ourselves and each other, what do you want to do with your life?

All of my friends have the answer for me. "You'll be a lawyer, of course."

My family has the answer; "You'll go to a great school and you'll study hard and become a lawyer."

But in my heart I know that's not the answer.

Yes, I've realized that maybe I do have a knack for public speaking. Maybe I like doing it. But to argue on paper for the rest of my life? I don't know...

And lately it's been much more obvious. I want to perform. I want to sing. I want to act. I want to express all of this...whatever it is...that's bottled up inside. I see people onstage, and instinctively, I know that's where I want to be - no, it's where I need to be.

But is it too late?

I keep having this feeling that it's too late for me, that I've started down a path and passed the point of no return. My parents would never accept it. I don't know where to start, who to go do, what to do...I don't know anything. People younger than me are onstage, performing. People my age who aren't onstage have been practicing for years. I have no chance.

And yet...I want to give myself that chance. Or rather...I want somebody to give me that chance. I want to have singing lessons, and I want to go to auditions. I feel so trapped in my room, just watching movies and dramas and feeling my soul cry out inside me for want of relief.

Something tells me that I'm not just an obsessed fan girl. I see those fan girls and I know I don't belong there.

Help me, guys. I don't want to give this dream up. Yes - it's a dream. But maybe...just maybe...it's attainable. What do I do?...Do I start over again? Do I just cast everything else aside and follow my instinct or do I throw away that dream...and possibly regret it for the rest of my life?

I once told someone that if Andrew Lloyd Webber told me to never sing again, I'd do it.

But once I said it, I knew I was lying. I wouldn't give that up for the world.

I'm so scared. I'm scared to tell someone, to tell my parents, because I know that this community doesn't want that from me.

20 years from now, what will I be doing? Will I be working with a client on a case? Will I be performing to my heart's desire? Or will I be sitting in some rat hole of an apartment somewhere, just trying to get by because I've failed in everything?