for but a moment

To my lovely ladies,

I've been incredibly unresponsive to our blog because I don't want to rush the post nor skip corners. I want to be able to give my all to you guys- and at the moment it's finals and good gosh >__<

Note: I just took my physics test in which part of it my teacher is going to factor into our final, if i got a ninety plus i get facebook back! O:

Yeanababe, don't talk like that- you'll break my heart. Silly goose, we already know you love us forever C: (& i certainly hope you all know that the feeling is mutual)

Mock Trial sounds AMAZING and from just reading "witness" & "attorney" I'm already filled with nostalgia ; ^ ;

My english class had a debate today; incredibly legit (!) with formal wear & everything (...my outfit was somewhat...formal. It was rather eccentric but my teacher let it slide. I've worn...odder. XD I'll have to pull it on again and post you all a picture. ANYHOOS. When I went up, I remembered NSLC and our trial. I was shaking (NERVES OF STEEL...HAH.) but thinking of you guys calmed down enough that I was able to project my voice just fine (: I felt nervous after I finished, but classmates from my team and even classmates from the other team commended me after class was over. I felt proud as a representative of our term of NSLC Law.

WendyLove, I'm taking the Ro- for some reason. i was about to say "the Rosannas"...goodgosh XD

I'm taking the SATs in March as well C: that is....so long as i remember to sign up in time =__= I HAVE TIME. i'll do it in february, I just want to get through finals week first D<

I'm really starting to like the weather in NYC now 'cause you can go out with either a sweater or a regular coat pulled over and you're set C: I dont like feeling all bulky in the subways, and my clothing is sometimes rather... eccentric ? and really. some people in the subway have no shame, they will STARE. Oh, the subway. stranger things have happened.

Regarding your "study first, fun later" i think it's brilliant how you have so much self discipline. I can tell myself that- but I'll find that I wont be following said mantra. I pulled an all-nighter just yesterday because over the three-day weekend I procrastinated two out of the three days. And on the third day I didn't really get much work done until about 4 AM. It was around then that I had a sugar high (I ate five bananas, a poptart, blackcoffee&sugar,&two cans of soda) in which i picked up all of my school books for the debate and sat in the bathtub and started cracking...strange...but it worked out pretty well (: though there wasn't enough time to really study for Chinese /: Bright side, We get ten minutes to make last minute changes to our essay. While most will be editing their 200 characters (at least!) essay, i'll be using those ten minutes to speed write 200 characters. hah. wish me luck >__O

I dont make much sense when I dont get enough sleep or if I take in too much sugar/caffeine. Although I do think it makes me more aware and I study better in my opinion. hohums.

Rosannamomma, our lovely flower- I feel the same. I dont really like group projects because if I do bad then it was my own fault, no one else's. However, I usually put a lot of effort into projects and it rather bothers me when my classmates dont do the same.

I'd love to see that cardigan on you ; u ;

CARDIGAN. i dont think i even have one, i think i'll google it later to truly understand it.

How'd West Side Story go? O:!!

To my Lovely Ladies, CHILLAX. you guys all have the extra curriculars, the grades, and the determination to get into a great college if not the one you were aiming for! Don't underestimate yourselves (:

Ah. Valentines Day. I went to the store today and @ CVS i was barraged by aisles of PINK selling chocolates and dolls for Valentines Day. I assumed Wendy would know but Chinese New Year- the Lunar New Year is on Valentines Day. & the New Year is celebrated with family- shoot me now.

I'm getting sidetracked, do any of you celebrate the lunar new year on it's ever changing day? There's a kid in my history class who mentioned (when we were discussing assimilation) that rather than celebrating the Lunar New Year (he was korean) on it's every changing day, his family just celebrates it on January 1st 

So Yeana, Nik didn't work out /: A shame, but I know you ladies will all find the right guy (:

^goodness, look at me talk XD

Did you guys know that Valentines Day will also be my three-month with Arthur?

Ladies, I don't see Arthur often. We have no classes together because, well- Juniors and Seniors don't often have classes together =__= We see each other during the passing between classes if anything XD And goodgosh, I have my last two periods of class free so I could possibly go home early- but I actually enjoy waiting for him after school O__O I used to love going home early 'cause I'd be the only one in the house so I could experiment and try out new things to cook for lunch and whatnot. However, my parents have been home practically 24/7 and that's a story for another time. anyhoos

We basically have an hour a day together on the train ride back to Queens, and then we head in opposite directions by bus. He broke his phone & his mom doesn't know about our relationship yet so we hardly ever talk by phone- and with finals coming up we don't talk on aim often either.

But ladies, despite all of these "obstacles"

I'm in love with him.

I'm one who can easily love a girl friend, (you ladies had my heart after only ten days (: ) but i'm much more cautious towards guy friends 'cause- well, they get the wrong idea often and it hurts me when I lose a great friendship ): I grew up playing with my brother a lot so I'm quite the unorthodox girl. When I first started going out with Arthur (goodness i blush at him name, how lame///) I could feel myself falling for him- and this scared the bejeezus out of me. I didn't know when you were suppose to say these things, and I wanted him to take me seriously when i said it. I wanted him to know that although i say "I love you" to my friends a lot- that doesn't mean that I'm throwing it around. I wholeheartedly love my friends, and I wanted him to know that I felt that way about him in another level of love. And well, I don't know why I'm saying this- I guess it's 'cause I desperately want you ladies to meet him /: 

Ah, it's 3AM i suppose I should try to nap a bit before i wake up but two hours later for school XD

hohums, the rest of my news in a flash:

i'm going to get a ukelele, i'm planning on using my chinese new years money/ birthday money for it :D I'm extremely excited C: That silly boy wanted to get me a ukelele but that's spending much too much money =__=

Yeanababe, thankyou for worrying. You make me feel like i'm that much more tangible- sometimes I think i lose my grasp on reality itself and I fade back into my mind.

My ladies, I've been going through some rough times with my dad but that was the norm

Today was just out of the norm a bit? (in a bad way though XD) I think I'll need much more time & some sleep before I can really explain it all =__=

But here's something to reassure you all; no matter how er- intoxicated my dad has been (and sadly it's happening more often. I think someone is a bonifide alcoholic when they have liquor in the morning afternoon and night with their daily meals and sometimes as their daily meal.) he's never hit me or my siblings. Mind, he's broken the wall before rather than hitting us- the dumbass (forgive my use of language) broke his hand before from overdoing it. But although he never hurts us physically, the same can't be said about how he hurts us psychologically.

I seem to have a particularly bad relationship with him somehow compared to my other siblings. It's somewhat to be expected, he used to be the nicest to me when I was younger because I had the best grades but lately I've been lacking in that area so I guess that's simply how the world works?

It's just horribly complex and I'll explain it another time

But ladies, I'll be alright. I haven't quite told anyone and even if Arthur chances upon my blog post and asks- I dont know if i'll be able to tell him like I can for you ladies. I think he should have to worry about my silly little issues.

I dont think you guys should either- but hohums. it's. different. I want you guys to know what's happening in my life, no secrets. That may be the beauty of our relationship (:

Don't worry about me ladies, I may not be "tough" per se- but I'm rather sturdy.

Love Always,

tracy.