...Just barely though. :P
Sorry for not writing any sooner; life has gotten extremely busy, but that doesn't mean I don't read you guys' posts! I actually check our blog constantly, and while I don't have the time to write something every day, for some reason reading the posts just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I think I've been needing more fuzzies these days.
Soo in response to your posts!
Rosanna: I am soooo happppy for you and Loren, but you already know that. ;P I am also glad that Harmony for Haiti was a success. You put a lot of time and effort into it, and I'm sure all that was reflected that night!
Tracy: Don't you ever think that you are disappointing us, because you don't. You are such a bright young lady, so don't let your insecurities get in the way. It seems as if your relationship with Arthur is going smoothly again; once again though, don't think that you are "disappointing" him or whatever...an attitude like that can make you seem weak, and the least I want to happen is for him to push you around. I'm not saying that happens, I just worry about you. I want you to be happy, and for you to do that, it may be to just sometimes worry about YOUR feelings for once. Think about what makes YOU happy and comfortable, and go with it. Don't think about what others have to say about it...of course there is a time and place to listen to others' opinions and be considerate, but you know what I mean.
Yeana: Once again, I feel as if you can just read my mind, and then write down all the thoughts that I am too afraid to utter out loud. I can almost 100% understand what you are feeling right now, the part about just dropping everything and running away. I understand your apathy and lack of energy. I think you have already decided to run for president, so my advice is probably too late, but nevertheless I think you would make a superior class president. And while campaigning does take time and effort (which you may not have), it may be worthwhile to pursue. However, keep in mind...do not just run because you feel pressured or what not. Since you are so stressed currently, keep your priorities straight and run if you TRULY want to. I think you do?
Anyway, I am just going to follow up on Yeana's post about stress and all that. I have had more breakdowns these past few weeks than I have in my life, altogether. Honestly, I don't know how many times I have wanted to just drop everything and run. Run far away, where I don't have to worry about school and people and this "future" of mine. Girls, I really don't know if I can handle it all. IB/AP tests start next week, and I feel completely unprepared. I stay up later and later each night, and because of that I get crankier and crankier as the days progress. And what is this all for, really? Must I really exert myself this much to obtain a "bright" future? It just doesn't make sense. I really don't know what I'm doing with myself anymore. I don't see a point in anything anymore. I see myself sulking into "depression", and it's scary because I can't get myself out of it. This past weekend was JSA (Junior State of America) Spring State, where I was actually happy. I hadn't been that happy in such a longggg time. Then, I came back to school and once again, everything is going downhill.
But I guess everyone is feeling like this, this time of year. I know I'm not alone, but I feel as if I am. I just don't want to do this anymore. I want to be able to get a full 8 hours of sleep, and I want to be able to watch some TV for once when I get home. I want to have fun carelessly, without worrying about what homework I have to do once I get back. *sigh* And I just want to be happy again, really. I don't know what to do but to keep going...
So prom is this weekend. My apathy has taken over, I'm not even that excited. Hahah. Actually, I am, but not so much as I should be? Idk. I am going with a close guy friend, and honestly I don't even want to go with him anymore. Lol. I know it sounds horrible but idk, I just think it'd be awkward. Oh well, I will try to make the best out of it. :P
Now, I mentioned Spring State earlier. Basically it was FANTASTIC. I won 2 best speaker awards, and had a blast debating and meeting new people. I think politics/diplomacy may be something to look into in the future...I feel this position fits for me. :P
So yes. I hope you all enjoyed my overly depressing excuse for a blog post. HAHA. I really hope you guys aren't as miserable as I am, but knowing you guys...ya'll probably are. Lol. It's ok. We can do this girls. The light is just at the end of the tunnel...and we are reaching that end. Keep your heads up, and don't like anything or anyone bring you down.
I love you all,
WENDY
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
IMMACREEPER.
LOLOL. our posts were about an hour off from each other :'D
so i would just like to say, I facebook creeped Loren.
it's only 'cause I love you momma rosie <3
forever a creep,
tracy
so i would just like to say, I facebook creeped Loren.
it's only 'cause I love you momma rosie <3
forever a creep,
tracy
Saturday, April 24, 2010
quickly...
Hey Girls!
So tonight was Harmony for Haiti, I just got back, and it went off without a hitch!!!! Its really nice to have it over with and we raised over $1000 for Haiti so it was worth it/
I asked Loren to prom, and he said YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I am very excited and I talked to him more about it today at H4H becasue I elt like I put him on the spot, which I did, but he said that he wouldn't of gone with anyone if I hadn't asked him, so I am excitied
!
Yeana - how was your prom???
Wen - Hows the conference?
Tracy - How are you??? You hvaen't blogged in a while and it concerns me!
I got to go, exhaused! And I have Church, SAT Prep and Recital tomorrow, and did I mention I haven't really buckled down to stdy yet???? for the APs? Whoops.
Let me know how you all are, I get worried.
Love
Rosie
So tonight was Harmony for Haiti, I just got back, and it went off without a hitch!!!! Its really nice to have it over with and we raised over $1000 for Haiti so it was worth it/
I asked Loren to prom, and he said YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I am very excited and I talked to him more about it today at H4H becasue I elt like I put him on the spot, which I did, but he said that he wouldn't of gone with anyone if I hadn't asked him, so I am excitied
!
Yeana - how was your prom???
Wen - Hows the conference?
Tracy - How are you??? You hvaen't blogged in a while and it concerns me!
I got to go, exhaused! And I have Church, SAT Prep and Recital tomorrow, and did I mention I haven't really buckled down to stdy yet???? for the APs? Whoops.
Let me know how you all are, I get worried.
Love
Rosie
and so,
hohums. i saw rosanna's post on my facebook and i missed you all terribly. i then came to the blog and i could've sworn i replied. unless that was all in my head D:
or if that was the night i fell asleep at my table =__=
I'm sorry ladies, I could've sworn i responded sooner!
so goodness! are all of you ladies going to J-Prom? O:
SEND ME PICTURES > w <
i don't go 'cause it costs money /:
In fact, I can't go with Arthur to his prom 'cause since my dad doesn't know I can't ask him for wmoney (nor would he give it to me, he'd be busy trying to kill me) and he tried asking his mom to pay for his ticket so he could just pay for mine (his mom doesn't know either) but it seems that it just wasn't meant to work out.
I honestly don't mind, I can go next year. I just feel horrible that he's missing out on his prom because of me ): He has enough money to buy his own ticket and go with his friends but he said instead he wants to have an instead-of-prom date with me, and he'll go to my prom next year.
I don't like...hindering....people.
& I feel like i'm taking away his senior experience from him ):
Yeanababe, if your friends are pushing you to do it, and you really want to do it...do it.
What's the worse that could happen? If the good friends running are really good friends, then they should see you as friendly competition.
Babe, I wish everyone could know about how much you care like we do ):
"I think that's what I fear the most...that they'll think of me as some bitch who thinks she can barge in and try to be a leader."
then they're the bitches whining about it. What's wrong with trying when you're taking it seriously?
Though quite honestly, I don't see student elections as a big whoop at my school...it's more liek the student body is just as important, you're only the president if we think you can represent us to the faculty outstandingly. if you're hot, popular, social, etc. but the faculty hates you....then that's tough noogies. we can't use you as a negotiator.
babe, i wish you the best of luck, i only hope they can see that you seriously have what it takes to be a fantastic president. If you don't get it, don't be too disappointed D: you have plenty of potential to be a great president, your student body just got heatstroke from all of that california sun (IT'S GOING TO RAIN TOMM IN NYC) and that's why they didn't vote for you- they fried their brains!
you need to take a break. skip school for a day ("oversleep") and just spend the day sleeping and catching up on any work you have. if you don't waste the day (spending the entire day on FB, videogames, etc. - you can spend a bit, but not the entire day on such things) then you'll have been entirely productive and if you have friends you can count on they should get you great notes and be able to explain it all to you easy peasy.
this applies to all of you ladies, you all worry me with your tendencies to overwork yourselves O ^ O
OHMYJEEZ. FRANCIS. there's a teacher at my school named francis (last name) and he's pretty young. apparently a lot of girls have crushes on him since he's "hot" and whatnot. I dunno, he's goodlooking I can admit that but I guess I just don't "crush" easily? I can get attached, but it takes a bit for me to fall for a guy. ANYHOOS,
up! <3
my jaw dropped and i thought very loudly (note: THOUGHT. this was in my head.) FANGIRLSCREAM! and the funny thing is, i thought literally "fan girl scream" not "EEEEEK!"...weird.
butbutbut
it's not definite that he's implying something...but he's certainly NOT just saying "i just want to be friends"
i doubt he's stupid
so if he wasn't interested in you he wouldn't touch you or anything. he'd say hi maybe, but that's it. if he just wanted to be close friends but not anything else then he might talk to you, but he wouldn't lean on your shoulder.
I think the tactic to employ to avoid the most damage to the home front (sorry ladies, i'm geeky sometimes. in my english essay we had to attach a list of colleges and i put: The path of the Jedi: *colleges* and then finished off with "however, the path to becoming a jedi can be long and arduous..." =__=)
SO. to minimize the potential damage to your heart: i would say to keep yourself open but not obvious. you can jokingly flirt with him, but don't get nervous and be unable to talk around him- stay yourself! like you would with a friend @__@
what i'm saying makes little to no sense. @__@
i apologize, i'm not very good at this ):
CHICA, COMO ESTAS?
^that's the result of learning a bit of spanish in middle school XDXD
HOW WAS YOUR EVENT? (it was today amiright?)
quite honestly, i'm pretty darn pissed at the people in your school. they shouldn't sign up for things and not follow through. you should've just pretended you couldn't do it all and told them to pick up the slack)
I am angry at them.
I should go over to your school and shank them. (i learned this from my friend :D some guy bullied another one of my friends and she said IF HE DOESN'T GIVE YOU BACK YOUR WALLET I WILL SHANK HIM. <3 oh my puertorican momma!)
by the way, to my rosiemommy, i never got the cardgift ): are you sure you have the address right? O: 211-12 64ave bayside NY 11364
I should go lodge a complaint at the post office and demand that they give me the words of my rosie ):
If anything, I fell asleep during my SATs (yeah, i get that exhausted. sometimes i fall asleep when i'm talking to someone too- IT'S POSSIBLE.) so i'm retaking them in june
but i hope this makes you feel better about your SAT!
by the way. 2000+ is not bad ladies =__=
wendylove (SOUNDS LIKE WENDIGO > w <)
I like to think that's 'cause we're meant for each other (:
and you know what? i think we are.
everyone else in our highschool are all going through high school as well. and yet...we've found each other.
&LOL. for some reason I can't understand what you guys find wrong with clingy guys XDXD well, it depends. if they're clingy and you're just not interested...then i understand! but if you're interested. and he's clingy and therefore OBVIOUSLY interested, then what's the problem? O: I don't think there's something wrong with the way you ladies are thinking, I'd just like some insight into why clingy is frowned upon, this said from a clingy person XDXD
But love, if you're heart is telling you curtis...then maybe you should follow your heart like yeana said. if all goes amiss, then spoil yourself with a good cry, film, and any other guilty pleasures! it also might not be good to go out with jason when you have feelings for curtis O__O I just don't want you to regret anything.
I think I have the qualities you ladies dislike ):
I think I'm clingy. I try not to...but I don't know if it still comes across /:
My grades are a fail. The worse part? It's not "half-hearted" it's...i constantly disappoint myself with my reliance on sleep. I should be able to put studying ahead of getting enough sleep. The most hahahilarious part of it all is that usually girls do worse in their academics when they get a boyfran. I was doing better because he had me go to sleep earlier (he kicked me off aim by saying that he wouldn't go to sleep till i did- and he needs his sleep so i had no choice D:) kicked me off facebook (that didn't do much. but it was something) and i dunno. I just wanted to try harder so he would be happy- proud? of me, that his gf wasn't a stupid person. It worked kind of. I passed a physics test here and there. I stayed awake in classes more often.
So what happened? A new term meant new teachers, so why am I doing worse than ever? I came late to school and my friend got mad at me. She said that she was mad at me because it seemed like I didn't care about school because I was late again for my first period class and that teacher has a strict lateness policy. Am I supposed to tell her that I oversleep because I go to bed late and upset about my dad and how I seem to be going nowhere? I can't. i just can't open up like that, I tell her that I'm disappointed in myself as well, and i'm more than disappointed I hate myself about it- but I can see she doesn't understand nor does she believe me and she just tells me that she's upset at me.
When people say they're "upset" at me, they still act as my friends. What they're saying is that they're upset at me, but they've given up.
I ended up crying once trying to tell arthur that I tried, and I didn't want him to be upset. I didn't want him to know I was crying so I put my head down, but he found out anways because when I couldn't stop, my head was down for a while and one of our friends sitting across us asked if there was something wrong since my head was down and I was quiet and not moving.
I dislike making him sad.
I dislike making any of you ladies sad,
don't be too disappointed in me-please,
tracy.
or if that was the night i fell asleep at my table =__=
I'm sorry ladies, I could've sworn i responded sooner!
so goodness! are all of you ladies going to J-Prom? O:
SEND ME PICTURES > w <
i don't go 'cause it costs money /:
In fact, I can't go with Arthur to his prom 'cause since my dad doesn't know I can't ask him for wmoney (nor would he give it to me, he'd be busy trying to kill me) and he tried asking his mom to pay for his ticket so he could just pay for mine (his mom doesn't know either) but it seems that it just wasn't meant to work out.
I honestly don't mind, I can go next year. I just feel horrible that he's missing out on his prom because of me ): He has enough money to buy his own ticket and go with his friends but he said instead he wants to have an instead-of-prom date with me, and he'll go to my prom next year.
I don't like...hindering....people.
& I feel like i'm taking away his senior experience from him ):
Yeanababe, if your friends are pushing you to do it, and you really want to do it...do it.
What's the worse that could happen? If the good friends running are really good friends, then they should see you as friendly competition.
Babe, I wish everyone could know about how much you care like we do ):
"I think that's what I fear the most...that they'll think of me as some bitch who thinks she can barge in and try to be a leader."
then they're the bitches whining about it. What's wrong with trying when you're taking it seriously?
Though quite honestly, I don't see student elections as a big whoop at my school...it's more liek the student body is just as important, you're only the president if we think you can represent us to the faculty outstandingly. if you're hot, popular, social, etc. but the faculty hates you....then that's tough noogies. we can't use you as a negotiator.
babe, i wish you the best of luck, i only hope they can see that you seriously have what it takes to be a fantastic president. If you don't get it, don't be too disappointed D: you have plenty of potential to be a great president, your student body just got heatstroke from all of that california sun (IT'S GOING TO RAIN TOMM IN NYC) and that's why they didn't vote for you- they fried their brains!
you need to take a break. skip school for a day ("oversleep") and just spend the day sleeping and catching up on any work you have. if you don't waste the day (spending the entire day on FB, videogames, etc. - you can spend a bit, but not the entire day on such things) then you'll have been entirely productive and if you have friends you can count on they should get you great notes and be able to explain it all to you easy peasy.
this applies to all of you ladies, you all worry me with your tendencies to overwork yourselves O ^ O
OHMYJEEZ. FRANCIS. there's a teacher at my school named francis (last name) and he's pretty young. apparently a lot of girls have crushes on him since he's "hot" and whatnot. I dunno, he's goodlooking I can admit that but I guess I just don't "crush" easily? I can get attached, but it takes a bit for me to fall for a guy. ANYHOOS,
up! <3
my jaw dropped and i thought very loudly (note: THOUGHT. this was in my head.) FANGIRLSCREAM! and the funny thing is, i thought literally "fan girl scream" not "EEEEEK!"...weird.
butbutbut
it's not definite that he's implying something...but he's certainly NOT just saying "i just want to be friends"
i doubt he's stupid
so if he wasn't interested in you he wouldn't touch you or anything. he'd say hi maybe, but that's it. if he just wanted to be close friends but not anything else then he might talk to you, but he wouldn't lean on your shoulder.
I think the tactic to employ to avoid the most damage to the home front (sorry ladies, i'm geeky sometimes. in my english essay we had to attach a list of colleges and i put: The path of the Jedi: *colleges* and then finished off with "however, the path to becoming a jedi can be long and arduous..." =__=)
SO. to minimize the potential damage to your heart: i would say to keep yourself open but not obvious. you can jokingly flirt with him, but don't get nervous and be unable to talk around him- stay yourself! like you would with a friend @__@
what i'm saying makes little to no sense. @__@
i apologize, i'm not very good at this ):
CHICA, COMO ESTAS?
^that's the result of learning a bit of spanish in middle school XDXD
HOW WAS YOUR EVENT? (it was today amiright?)
quite honestly, i'm pretty darn pissed at the people in your school. they shouldn't sign up for things and not follow through. you should've just pretended you couldn't do it all and told them to pick up the slack)
I am angry at them.
I should go over to your school and shank them. (i learned this from my friend :D some guy bullied another one of my friends and she said IF HE DOESN'T GIVE YOU BACK YOUR WALLET I WILL SHANK HIM. <3 oh my puertorican momma!)
by the way, to my rosiemommy, i never got the cardgift ): are you sure you have the address right? O: 211-12 64ave bayside NY 11364
I should go lodge a complaint at the post office and demand that they give me the words of my rosie ):
If anything, I fell asleep during my SATs (yeah, i get that exhausted. sometimes i fall asleep when i'm talking to someone too- IT'S POSSIBLE.) so i'm retaking them in june
but i hope this makes you feel better about your SAT!
by the way. 2000+ is not bad ladies =__=
wendylove (SOUNDS LIKE WENDIGO > w <)
I like to think that's 'cause we're meant for each other (:
and you know what? i think we are.
everyone else in our highschool are all going through high school as well. and yet...we've found each other.
&LOL. for some reason I can't understand what you guys find wrong with clingy guys XDXD well, it depends. if they're clingy and you're just not interested...then i understand! but if you're interested. and he's clingy and therefore OBVIOUSLY interested, then what's the problem? O: I don't think there's something wrong with the way you ladies are thinking, I'd just like some insight into why clingy is frowned upon, this said from a clingy person XDXD
But love, if you're heart is telling you curtis...then maybe you should follow your heart like yeana said. if all goes amiss, then spoil yourself with a good cry, film, and any other guilty pleasures! it also might not be good to go out with jason when you have feelings for curtis O__O I just don't want you to regret anything.
I think I have the qualities you ladies dislike ):
I think I'm clingy. I try not to...but I don't know if it still comes across /:
My grades are a fail. The worse part? It's not "half-hearted" it's...i constantly disappoint myself with my reliance on sleep. I should be able to put studying ahead of getting enough sleep. The most hahahilarious part of it all is that usually girls do worse in their academics when they get a boyfran. I was doing better because he had me go to sleep earlier (he kicked me off aim by saying that he wouldn't go to sleep till i did- and he needs his sleep so i had no choice D:) kicked me off facebook (that didn't do much. but it was something) and i dunno. I just wanted to try harder so he would be happy- proud? of me, that his gf wasn't a stupid person. It worked kind of. I passed a physics test here and there. I stayed awake in classes more often.
So what happened? A new term meant new teachers, so why am I doing worse than ever? I came late to school and my friend got mad at me. She said that she was mad at me because it seemed like I didn't care about school because I was late again for my first period class and that teacher has a strict lateness policy. Am I supposed to tell her that I oversleep because I go to bed late and upset about my dad and how I seem to be going nowhere? I can't. i just can't open up like that, I tell her that I'm disappointed in myself as well, and i'm more than disappointed I hate myself about it- but I can see she doesn't understand nor does she believe me and she just tells me that she's upset at me.
When people say they're "upset" at me, they still act as my friends. What they're saying is that they're upset at me, but they've given up.
I ended up crying once trying to tell arthur that I tried, and I didn't want him to be upset. I didn't want him to know I was crying so I put my head down, but he found out anways because when I couldn't stop, my head was down for a while and one of our friends sitting across us asked if there was something wrong since my head was down and I was quiet and not moving.
I dislike making him sad.
I dislike making any of you ladies sad,
don't be too disappointed in me-please,
tracy.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
A little bit of time on my hands...
Hello ladies
We're in standardized state testing week, so I have a taaaaad bit of time. (In California it's called STAR.)
To my dearest Rosanna:
We're always here for you, so vent away! Everyone needs an outlet. :]
Also, don't doubt your abilities! You're an amazingly smart and organized person, and any college should be happy to take you.
About Harmony for Haiti -
it's a wonderful thing that you're doing, and I'm sure everyone will realize what a huge job you're undertaking. Let those girls know that as co-chairs they should make themselves models for everyone else, not try to stand out. If it's a stage they want, they can move their asses to the freakin' city and see if anyone wants to take them. I've seen our stage managers work and I know it's a stressful job...let those girls know what being a leader means, because if anyone has the right to tell them, you do.
As for prom, go with someone you'll have a blast with! :] That's my philosophy on dance dates. If you're a type of person who loves to dance, make sure you go with someone who's a good dancer. If you'd rather socialize, go with someone you'll be sure to have fun talking to, taking pictures with, eating, etc. Have fun! :]]]]] I will expect to see pictures. <333
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Class elections are starting up, and a few of my good friends are pushing me to run for president. I'd run if I knew I had some more support...but as of now, I feel as though I'm everyone's last choice on the ballot. Then there's also the fact that I'm running against some of my good friends. They may be good friends, but they're all very competitive and I know at least one of them wants me out of it. Did I mention that they're all popular girls?
I really do care about our class and I want to see us make some big strides next year, and most of all, I want to lead them to it. I don't know how to get people to believe that; it's the same thing everyone says. I want people to know that I'm sincere and that I really believe that I have the potential to lead this class through their senior year-what should be their best year of high school.
But I feel like I have no chance. People are bound to vote for their friends, and I'm not one of those people who is best friends with someone as soon as they walk into my class. I'm not socially outgoing most of the time, and I only have a small group of very close friends about me. Seeing as how I'm up against this year's president, this year's vice president, and a popular & good looking girl, I really feel like there's no point in making an effort. At this point in the year, energy is something that I no longer possess. I feel apathetic towards everything, but I know that if I ran and didn't get it, I'd really be disappointed in myself. At the same time, if I didn't run at all, I'd be dissatisfied for a very long time.
I'm hoping that my friends are mature enough to not...hate me over (and possibly after) these next few weeks. I think that's what I fear the most...that they'll think of me as some bitch who thinks she can barge in and try to be a leader.
After seeing my grades plummet during and after the musical, my self esteem is at an all-time low. I always think about running, but never really do it.
Should I just run and see where the path leads me? I'm at a loss...I'm just so tired now that I can't find the strength to push myself any further. It feels like I've been running a marathon, and now, at the final stretch, my physical and mental health is failing me. The finish line looks so blurry that I just want to close my eyes and fall; just let everything go and run far, far away from all of this competition, all of this stress, this mess I have to call my life. With this kind of mindset can I really lead a class?
We're in standardized state testing week, so I have a taaaaad bit of time. (In California it's called STAR.)
To my dearest Rosanna:
We're always here for you, so vent away! Everyone needs an outlet. :]
Also, don't doubt your abilities! You're an amazingly smart and organized person, and any college should be happy to take you.
About Harmony for Haiti -
it's a wonderful thing that you're doing, and I'm sure everyone will realize what a huge job you're undertaking. Let those girls know that as co-chairs they should make themselves models for everyone else, not try to stand out. If it's a stage they want, they can move their asses to the freakin' city and see if anyone wants to take them. I've seen our stage managers work and I know it's a stressful job...let those girls know what being a leader means, because if anyone has the right to tell them, you do.
As for prom, go with someone you'll have a blast with! :] That's my philosophy on dance dates. If you're a type of person who loves to dance, make sure you go with someone who's a good dancer. If you'd rather socialize, go with someone you'll be sure to have fun talking to, taking pictures with, eating, etc. Have fun! :]]]]] I will expect to see pictures. <333
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Class elections are starting up, and a few of my good friends are pushing me to run for president. I'd run if I knew I had some more support...but as of now, I feel as though I'm everyone's last choice on the ballot. Then there's also the fact that I'm running against some of my good friends. They may be good friends, but they're all very competitive and I know at least one of them wants me out of it. Did I mention that they're all popular girls?
I really do care about our class and I want to see us make some big strides next year, and most of all, I want to lead them to it. I don't know how to get people to believe that; it's the same thing everyone says. I want people to know that I'm sincere and that I really believe that I have the potential to lead this class through their senior year-what should be their best year of high school.
But I feel like I have no chance. People are bound to vote for their friends, and I'm not one of those people who is best friends with someone as soon as they walk into my class. I'm not socially outgoing most of the time, and I only have a small group of very close friends about me. Seeing as how I'm up against this year's president, this year's vice president, and a popular & good looking girl, I really feel like there's no point in making an effort. At this point in the year, energy is something that I no longer possess. I feel apathetic towards everything, but I know that if I ran and didn't get it, I'd really be disappointed in myself. At the same time, if I didn't run at all, I'd be dissatisfied for a very long time.
I'm hoping that my friends are mature enough to not...hate me over (and possibly after) these next few weeks. I think that's what I fear the most...that they'll think of me as some bitch who thinks she can barge in and try to be a leader.
After seeing my grades plummet during and after the musical, my self esteem is at an all-time low. I always think about running, but never really do it.
Should I just run and see where the path leads me? I'm at a loss...I'm just so tired now that I can't find the strength to push myself any further. It feels like I've been running a marathon, and now, at the final stretch, my physical and mental health is failing me. The finish line looks so blurry that I just want to close my eyes and fall; just let everything go and run far, far away from all of this competition, all of this stress, this mess I have to call my life. With this kind of mindset can I really lead a class?
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Hola Chicas!
Hey you guys!
Thank you all for your support, and I am doing better, learing to cope, but the situation just keeps getting worse and worse. I feel like I am in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one hears me, no one at all.
So I am still super stressed and super super overwhelmed, but finishing my research paper (as stupid ad it may sound) really took a load off. Honestly, I just felt like a weight lifted off my chest and, for the first time in a long time, I remember smiling. (I know that sounds weird, but its true)
Headaches are still so painful: I hae tried to get about 7 hours of sleep everynight, but the headaches oddly get worse. I am going to the neurologist soon so hopefully they will know something I don't but i have started getting really naseaus and dizzy in school especially and I don;t know what to do.....
MY RANT: (sorry) So my event that I am planning, Harmony for Haiti, is going to happen Saturday the 24th, and honestly, I am excited for it to be over. I am SICK of people taking credit for the stuff that I do and I am so glad it is ending. I basically did this entire thing myself and I wonder if I hadn't signed on as co-chair, what I would do. After all, I have: printed and cut the tickets, made and copied and hung up the posters, wrote the announcement for the school morning news, organized for a commercial to be made to play on the morning (school news), I am making the program, printing, and folding them, I am the head if concessions and let me tell you, its hard trying to get enough donations for 200+ people..., I am stage manager, and I am basically doing all of this by myself. Honestly, I am beside myself with stress about this whole event. And the people that are supposedly co-chairing this event are only being dramatic and taking the credit, 3 of them insit that both their groups MUST do 2 songs, but we made everyone only pick one... and its only because they are co-chairs. I think that is the worst thing that they could think - "we are better than them and can theredore play 2 songs..." WTF?!?!?!? So I am basically being forced to plan this event by myself, and its hard because, while I have planned other events, this is the biggest and most technical one becsaue you need to tlak to the lighting and soind people and make sure that everything runs smoothly and make sure the performers know the order in which they are supposed to go.. and blah blah blah blah blah.
I am tired and cranky... but what's new...?
On a happier note, I have a prom dress and shoes and accessories but I am lacking a date, but I have 2 people in mind that i can ask, no not loren, a senior that is a really good friend (since freshamn year for me) and someone in my grade that I think of as a brother, either way, I know I can;t go wrong because they are such gentlemen....
Ummm why did someone invent AP Exams? Atleast Yeana and Wendy have had since the midpoint/end of August... I started school in the middle of spetember, and my teacher flat out told us he wont get through all the material and its up to us to learn from basically the 60/70s on...
Anywho,
Wendy - I really don;t know what to tell you about your boy situation, I know I have texted with you on this and I don;t know what else to say... but I am here if you need me!
Yeana - I saw all the photos from YAGMCB and it looked so good! I feel like your school puts a lot of emphasis on the arts and it makes me really glad that you are in such a good program! And let me know when you are going to be in the NE!!!
Tracy - thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it. And i am taking it that your card/gift never got to you? Well, someone got a nice surprise; I am sending down another one and it should be there by next weekend..... :)
So I think I found that I want to go to the College of the Holy Cross.... I am not even kidding. Its so weird becasue I wanted a larger school, but i just have a really good feeling about it. And sadly, with my grandfather's death coinsiding with midterms, I am thinking it will keep me from being admitted, not to metion my SATs weren't so swell...
What's new with all of you? I am sorry for using this blog as my venting source, I really am, but I really don;t feel like I have anyone right now, and I feel like you guys are all I have. I hope you are all doing well!
All my love forever,
Rosie
Thank you all for your support, and I am doing better, learing to cope, but the situation just keeps getting worse and worse. I feel like I am in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one hears me, no one at all.
So I am still super stressed and super super overwhelmed, but finishing my research paper (as stupid ad it may sound) really took a load off. Honestly, I just felt like a weight lifted off my chest and, for the first time in a long time, I remember smiling. (I know that sounds weird, but its true)
Headaches are still so painful: I hae tried to get about 7 hours of sleep everynight, but the headaches oddly get worse. I am going to the neurologist soon so hopefully they will know something I don't but i have started getting really naseaus and dizzy in school especially and I don;t know what to do.....
MY RANT: (sorry) So my event that I am planning, Harmony for Haiti, is going to happen Saturday the 24th, and honestly, I am excited for it to be over. I am SICK of people taking credit for the stuff that I do and I am so glad it is ending. I basically did this entire thing myself and I wonder if I hadn't signed on as co-chair, what I would do. After all, I have: printed and cut the tickets, made and copied and hung up the posters, wrote the announcement for the school morning news, organized for a commercial to be made to play on the morning (school news), I am making the program, printing, and folding them, I am the head if concessions and let me tell you, its hard trying to get enough donations for 200+ people..., I am stage manager, and I am basically doing all of this by myself. Honestly, I am beside myself with stress about this whole event. And the people that are supposedly co-chairing this event are only being dramatic and taking the credit, 3 of them insit that both their groups MUST do 2 songs, but we made everyone only pick one... and its only because they are co-chairs. I think that is the worst thing that they could think - "we are better than them and can theredore play 2 songs..." WTF?!?!?!? So I am basically being forced to plan this event by myself, and its hard because, while I have planned other events, this is the biggest and most technical one becsaue you need to tlak to the lighting and soind people and make sure that everything runs smoothly and make sure the performers know the order in which they are supposed to go.. and blah blah blah blah blah.
I am tired and cranky... but what's new...?
On a happier note, I have a prom dress and shoes and accessories but I am lacking a date, but I have 2 people in mind that i can ask, no not loren, a senior that is a really good friend (since freshamn year for me) and someone in my grade that I think of as a brother, either way, I know I can;t go wrong because they are such gentlemen....
Ummm why did someone invent AP Exams? Atleast Yeana and Wendy have had since the midpoint/end of August... I started school in the middle of spetember, and my teacher flat out told us he wont get through all the material and its up to us to learn from basically the 60/70s on...
Anywho,
Wendy - I really don;t know what to tell you about your boy situation, I know I have texted with you on this and I don;t know what else to say... but I am here if you need me!
Yeana - I saw all the photos from YAGMCB and it looked so good! I feel like your school puts a lot of emphasis on the arts and it makes me really glad that you are in such a good program! And let me know when you are going to be in the NE!!!
Tracy - thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it. And i am taking it that your card/gift never got to you? Well, someone got a nice surprise; I am sending down another one and it should be there by next weekend..... :)
So I think I found that I want to go to the College of the Holy Cross.... I am not even kidding. Its so weird becasue I wanted a larger school, but i just have a really good feeling about it. And sadly, with my grandfather's death coinsiding with midterms, I am thinking it will keep me from being admitted, not to metion my SATs weren't so swell...
What's new with all of you? I am sorry for using this blog as my venting source, I really am, but I really don;t feel like I have anyone right now, and I feel like you guys are all I have. I hope you are all doing well!
All my love forever,
Rosie
Monday, April 12, 2010
I Return :]
Hello ladies,
Spring Break has just started and I have returned from Los Angeles with the choir. I had a blast...but I came home incredibly tired and spent most of today sleeping.
Anyways...
Wendy; I totally know what you mean when you talk about always feeling like the third wheel. I felt it more than ever when I was at LA; I mean, I had fun, but I felt like everyone was paired off except for me. Everywhere we went, we always had an odd number of people because of me. Our group was basically made up of two couples, me, and a girl and the guy she was crushing on. I didn't even know she liked him until the night of the second day; until then, I was thinking he was a cute guy and trying to get to know him. Once she told me, I couldn't get close to the guy intentionally...it just seemed wrong.
Whatever, I still had fun. On the first day we went to a wax museum with figures of celebrities. The second and third days were devoted to Disneyland and the competition (we took second place), and we spent the last day in Universal Studios and the bus.
Ahh, the bus ride home.
We had a full bus and I had an empty seat next to me (no surprise there). Francis came on the bus, looking for a seat, and sat down next to me.
The first two hours were extremely awkward. Neither of us really said anything, we just kind of plugged into our iPods and phones, and I fell asleep (or tried to sleep, there were a pair of girls laughing obnoxiously behind us, occasionally kicking the seats). Then he texted me a message about the girls behind us, which broke the ice. We just talked and watched the movie that was playing (Up), and it felt really comfortable, like we were just friends chillin together. It felt like the way it should always have felt, without all of these weird moments interrupting our friendship. Anyways, as we watched the movie, we both fell kind of quiet. I was enjoying the movie, and he was sleeping.
I'm still wondering why he did what he did in the moments that followed.
He leaned his head on my shoulder and kept it there for a while. I'm sure it wasn't comfortable; my shoulder isn't the greatest place to sleep on. Anyways, I stayed unnaturally still until he moved his head away.
After a while, he woke up. Then he gave me one of his earphones and we both listened to his music. I don't know how to feel. I really just want to move on, and just be his friend. But when he does stuff like this, it just confuses me. It didn't feel like we were just listening to music; our faces were close next to each other...it was...close in general. I don't know. He confuses me.
Those are the extent of my guy problems. Sigh.
To Rosanna: I'm with Tracy on the headache issue. I really think you need to get some rest, babe. Working hard is good and great, but in the end, you're only human. And again with Tracy, don't let other people define who you are. Cliques can only define a piece of you; the whole Rosanna is so complex and deep that it would be a crime to cover it up. Let your individuality shine, sweetheart.
Tracybabe, I'm glad to see you're back. :] I will definitely give that book a whirl soon. If you ever need to give Nega-Tracy a swift kick in the butt, hit me up and I will perform the act quickly and smoothly. >:]
And to Wendy.
Sometimes we just need the challenge, as you put it. Sometimes the guy who's harder to get is more attractive. And sometimes 17-year-olds fall in love, and to hell with what the rest of the world says.
I say follow your heart. If things don't work out, no sweat. Order up some pizza, turn on a good chick flick, and spend the day wrapped up in a blanket. I find that always helps. Then call up a bunch of girlfriends, forbid them to talk about boys until you start talking, and go do something awesome with them.
I hope everyone is doing well. AP season's coming up; good luck to all!
Love,
Yeana
Spring Break has just started and I have returned from Los Angeles with the choir. I had a blast...but I came home incredibly tired and spent most of today sleeping.
Anyways...
Wendy; I totally know what you mean when you talk about always feeling like the third wheel. I felt it more than ever when I was at LA; I mean, I had fun, but I felt like everyone was paired off except for me. Everywhere we went, we always had an odd number of people because of me. Our group was basically made up of two couples, me, and a girl and the guy she was crushing on. I didn't even know she liked him until the night of the second day; until then, I was thinking he was a cute guy and trying to get to know him. Once she told me, I couldn't get close to the guy intentionally...it just seemed wrong.
Whatever, I still had fun. On the first day we went to a wax museum with figures of celebrities. The second and third days were devoted to Disneyland and the competition (we took second place), and we spent the last day in Universal Studios and the bus.
Ahh, the bus ride home.
We had a full bus and I had an empty seat next to me (no surprise there). Francis came on the bus, looking for a seat, and sat down next to me.
The first two hours were extremely awkward. Neither of us really said anything, we just kind of plugged into our iPods and phones, and I fell asleep (or tried to sleep, there were a pair of girls laughing obnoxiously behind us, occasionally kicking the seats). Then he texted me a message about the girls behind us, which broke the ice. We just talked and watched the movie that was playing (Up), and it felt really comfortable, like we were just friends chillin together. It felt like the way it should always have felt, without all of these weird moments interrupting our friendship. Anyways, as we watched the movie, we both fell kind of quiet. I was enjoying the movie, and he was sleeping.
I'm still wondering why he did what he did in the moments that followed.
He leaned his head on my shoulder and kept it there for a while. I'm sure it wasn't comfortable; my shoulder isn't the greatest place to sleep on. Anyways, I stayed unnaturally still until he moved his head away.
After a while, he woke up. Then he gave me one of his earphones and we both listened to his music. I don't know how to feel. I really just want to move on, and just be his friend. But when he does stuff like this, it just confuses me. It didn't feel like we were just listening to music; our faces were close next to each other...it was...close in general. I don't know. He confuses me.
Those are the extent of my guy problems. Sigh.
To Rosanna: I'm with Tracy on the headache issue. I really think you need to get some rest, babe. Working hard is good and great, but in the end, you're only human. And again with Tracy, don't let other people define who you are. Cliques can only define a piece of you; the whole Rosanna is so complex and deep that it would be a crime to cover it up. Let your individuality shine, sweetheart.
Tracybabe, I'm glad to see you're back. :] I will definitely give that book a whirl soon. If you ever need to give Nega-Tracy a swift kick in the butt, hit me up and I will perform the act quickly and smoothly. >:]
And to Wendy.
Sometimes we just need the challenge, as you put it. Sometimes the guy who's harder to get is more attractive. And sometimes 17-year-olds fall in love, and to hell with what the rest of the world says.
I say follow your heart. If things don't work out, no sweat. Order up some pizza, turn on a good chick flick, and spend the day wrapped up in a blanket. I find that always helps. Then call up a bunch of girlfriends, forbid them to talk about boys until you start talking, and go do something awesome with them.
I hope everyone is doing well. AP season's coming up; good luck to all!
Love,
Yeana
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Hello All!
You know, sometimes I really wonder if we all go through the same things just because it's high school...or if it's because we're really all meant for each other. :P
I like to think it's the latter.
So as I've told Yeana and Rosanna, I'm basically going through the same things they are. Boys, friends, and just finding enough time to do everything in this vicious cycle we call LIFE. Btw Yeana, I can relate to the stress that comes along with drama and your musicals, but I think you should stick with it. I noticed my grades slipping during the busiest times during marching season, but you just gotta pull through. Keep a strict schedule, and don't allow for easy distractions. Also, I've had to make a lot of sacrifices...and I'm sure you have made your share too. We just have to keep our priorities straight. As for the parents issue...*sigh*, that is one you'll have to discuss with them yourself. :/
At least you're sounding better, Tracy. I hope all is well. :)
So let's see what's new in Land O' Lakes. Well, as I've already mentioned to Rosanna, I have a friend problem. It's a reoccuring one and I'm sure I've mentioned it before. I guess I'm just feeling really lonely these days. I look around me and I see people pairing off...leaving me with no one. I mean of course I have you guys and my good friends outside of school, but what about these kids that I have to see every single day of my high school career? I have plenty of friends and a good core group, but I can't seem to find my "other"; you know, that friend who supposedly shares a brain with you and is supposed to be there for you no matter what? You guys have weekend sleepovers and pick each other for project partners--always. Well, I guess I have several of those type of "friends" but if someone were to ask me who my BESTEST friend was (juvenile, yes), I'd say...my mother? Seriously. I don't know if that's sad or what, but really. I've been feeling like a third wheel recently, and I feel as if I'm being constantly replaced. I don't really know what to do, you know?
Anyways...moving on...So the boy(s) issue. There are two main guys in my life right now who I generally care about (romantically). I've talked about both: Jason (the clingy Chinese guy) and Curtis (the best guy friend who has rejected me before). They are, in essence, completely different regarding their relationships with me. Only similarity is that they are both my best guy friends. Hahah. Jason really does like me, a lot, and he shows it. He is so incredibly talented and smart and sometimes I wonder how a guy like him would like a girl like myself. Yes, he does get clingy, but I hung out with him last week, one and one...and I feel really comfortable with him. Like I feel he really understands me and he won't judge me or anything. I feel...free, when I'm with him. Curtis, on the other hand, is just confusing. He has rejected me before, though I can't seem to stop liking him. I've liked him since middle school because he is just so close to perfect. I mean, he has his faults, but he is such a gentleman. He's naturally flirty and really doesn't mean to, so sometimes his actions may lead me on. But, I know that, and I know that he would neverrr like me. So why do I like him so much? I think a big difference between him and Jason is that I am much more physically attracted to him than I am to Jason. I just can't figure Curtis out. I don't understand how such a down to earth guy is so unattainable. And of course, us girls are more attracted to "the challenge". So what should I do? I mean, should I just forget about Curtis and go with Jason, the safer choice? I mean, I know Jason's feelings for me and I know that he would be good for me...but why does my heart keep on telling me to chase after Curtis? I personally believe that you can love someone without them loving you back, and sometimes, when I'm talking with Curtis and I'm looking him in the eyes, I really do feel as if I love him. I know it's crazy, and I know I'm being uber cheesy, but this is my romantic side coming out. Haha. But seriously. What if I love the kid? Maybe I'm just being immature but I'm 17 and have had my share of unnerving relationships...I think I have a strong grasp on my feelings by now. So I don't know what to do with myself, and I don't know what to think. Please just tell me what to do and I'll do it! Lol...
I'm such a mess right now, haha. I guess I've thought a lot during this Spring Break. Hehe. Not thinking much about school; 3rd quarter was a breeze. I can only hope the LAST QUARTER of JUNIOR YEAR is the same (haha see my excitement?! :P) but I know we've got testing soon! Argh. I neeed to start studying.
Well, that's pretty much it. Besides my occasional moments of sheer depression, I'm doing okay! I could be better, but I'm okay. I really do miss you guys.
Write soon.
<3 WENDY
I like to think it's the latter.
So as I've told Yeana and Rosanna, I'm basically going through the same things they are. Boys, friends, and just finding enough time to do everything in this vicious cycle we call LIFE. Btw Yeana, I can relate to the stress that comes along with drama and your musicals, but I think you should stick with it. I noticed my grades slipping during the busiest times during marching season, but you just gotta pull through. Keep a strict schedule, and don't allow for easy distractions. Also, I've had to make a lot of sacrifices...and I'm sure you have made your share too. We just have to keep our priorities straight. As for the parents issue...*sigh*, that is one you'll have to discuss with them yourself. :/
At least you're sounding better, Tracy. I hope all is well. :)
So let's see what's new in Land O' Lakes. Well, as I've already mentioned to Rosanna, I have a friend problem. It's a reoccuring one and I'm sure I've mentioned it before. I guess I'm just feeling really lonely these days. I look around me and I see people pairing off...leaving me with no one. I mean of course I have you guys and my good friends outside of school, but what about these kids that I have to see every single day of my high school career? I have plenty of friends and a good core group, but I can't seem to find my "other"; you know, that friend who supposedly shares a brain with you and is supposed to be there for you no matter what? You guys have weekend sleepovers and pick each other for project partners--always. Well, I guess I have several of those type of "friends" but if someone were to ask me who my BESTEST friend was (juvenile, yes), I'd say...my mother? Seriously. I don't know if that's sad or what, but really. I've been feeling like a third wheel recently, and I feel as if I'm being constantly replaced. I don't really know what to do, you know?
Anyways...moving on...So the boy(s) issue. There are two main guys in my life right now who I generally care about (romantically). I've talked about both: Jason (the clingy Chinese guy) and Curtis (the best guy friend who has rejected me before). They are, in essence, completely different regarding their relationships with me. Only similarity is that they are both my best guy friends. Hahah. Jason really does like me, a lot, and he shows it. He is so incredibly talented and smart and sometimes I wonder how a guy like him would like a girl like myself. Yes, he does get clingy, but I hung out with him last week, one and one...and I feel really comfortable with him. Like I feel he really understands me and he won't judge me or anything. I feel...free, when I'm with him. Curtis, on the other hand, is just confusing. He has rejected me before, though I can't seem to stop liking him. I've liked him since middle school because he is just so close to perfect. I mean, he has his faults, but he is such a gentleman. He's naturally flirty and really doesn't mean to, so sometimes his actions may lead me on. But, I know that, and I know that he would neverrr like me. So why do I like him so much? I think a big difference between him and Jason is that I am much more physically attracted to him than I am to Jason. I just can't figure Curtis out. I don't understand how such a down to earth guy is so unattainable. And of course, us girls are more attracted to "the challenge". So what should I do? I mean, should I just forget about Curtis and go with Jason, the safer choice? I mean, I know Jason's feelings for me and I know that he would be good for me...but why does my heart keep on telling me to chase after Curtis? I personally believe that you can love someone without them loving you back, and sometimes, when I'm talking with Curtis and I'm looking him in the eyes, I really do feel as if I love him. I know it's crazy, and I know I'm being uber cheesy, but this is my romantic side coming out. Haha. But seriously. What if I love the kid? Maybe I'm just being immature but I'm 17 and have had my share of unnerving relationships...I think I have a strong grasp on my feelings by now. So I don't know what to do with myself, and I don't know what to think. Please just tell me what to do and I'll do it! Lol...
I'm such a mess right now, haha. I guess I've thought a lot during this Spring Break. Hehe. Not thinking much about school; 3rd quarter was a breeze. I can only hope the LAST QUARTER of JUNIOR YEAR is the same (haha see my excitement?! :P) but I know we've got testing soon! Argh. I neeed to start studying.
Well, that's pretty much it. Besides my occasional moments of sheer depression, I'm doing okay! I could be better, but I'm okay. I really do miss you guys.
Write soon.
<3 WENDY
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Rosanna.
Love, don't you dare feel apologetic in the least for "ranting"
I don't see this as a rant, i see it as you opening up a bit of your heart to us, that you need us.
oh rosanna.
first of all, your headaches may be due to either your lack of sleep or that you're simply taking on too much.
a LOT has happened to you. Part of you may just want to be spoiled and do nothing but of coarse the determined part of you keeps on working and for some infeasible reason you still sign up to co chair school functions D:
you can do what i do?
i've pretty much limited friends to the internet (facebook!) but mostly really to SCHOOL. and that's where i socialize with them. if they want to hang out they'll have to wait for a weekend or a school break. now if i could just break my manga habit, i'd have more time to sleep =__=
but really
i think i'm just a bad friend. i enjoy socializing, but at the same time- i was never the kid who went to the park /: i wasn't allowed out and i grew to like playing with just my imagination which is kind of weird XDXD
but love, i really do think you're taking on so much. ):
try not to let your school being clique-ish stop you, THEY SHOULDN'T DARE TO TRY TO BOX YOU IN AND STICK A LABEL ON YOU D<
on your brighter note, outside of a mcdonalds i saw someone dressed up as the easter bunny and i wanted to hug him.
but i didn't ;__;
Love Always,
tracy.
I don't see this as a rant, i see it as you opening up a bit of your heart to us, that you need us.
oh rosanna.
first of all, your headaches may be due to either your lack of sleep or that you're simply taking on too much.
a LOT has happened to you. Part of you may just want to be spoiled and do nothing but of coarse the determined part of you keeps on working and for some infeasible reason you still sign up to co chair school functions D:
you can do what i do?
i've pretty much limited friends to the internet (facebook!) but mostly really to SCHOOL. and that's where i socialize with them. if they want to hang out they'll have to wait for a weekend or a school break. now if i could just break my manga habit, i'd have more time to sleep =__=
but really
i think i'm just a bad friend. i enjoy socializing, but at the same time- i was never the kid who went to the park /: i wasn't allowed out and i grew to like playing with just my imagination which is kind of weird XDXD
but love, i really do think you're taking on so much. ):
try not to let your school being clique-ish stop you, THEY SHOULDN'T DARE TO TRY TO BOX YOU IN AND STICK A LABEL ON YOU D<
on your brighter note, outside of a mcdonalds i saw someone dressed up as the easter bunny and i wanted to hug him.
but i didn't ;__;
Love Always,
tracy.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
I love that book
Queridas!
I love Tuesdays with Morrie, I think that Mitch Albom is a very good writer.
Anywho, I only have a short time to post, so I am going to vent (and then address you guys in another post)
So, I guess you can say that today was my Tuesday. I got up, ran some errands, and then worke for 10 hours straight, I am taking a break to blog, and then going back to working. With my job, there is a lot of time to think: I put a sticky label on an envelope, and repeat this motion over and over. My mind was everywhere today: everywhere. But it all comes back to friends, it is just haunting me, I guess I am having a 1/8 life crisis, if there is even such a thing.
Life is coming and happening so fast, sooner than I would like, APs are upon me, the musical ended, NYSSMA is coming (an evaluation program for your musical abilities), SATs/ACTs, my cousin's 1st Communion, my 17th birthday, prom... the list goes on and on.
But I am still in this rut, I am happy, so so happy, but in this rut.
I need your guys' advice on what to do. I am so stuck right now, when I actually think hard about my situation, I get tears in my eyes, I think of texting someone, but then realize that this is a face-to-face kind of talk I need to vent. But who do i vent to about my friendship issues? I don't know. The people I am feeling isolated from, the people who are across the US, the people that I do theater with and i know are always there for me? They have thier own problems... so why should I put mine on them?
Wendy- do you know those headaches i was having after NSLC? Well, I am still having them, but I finally went to a neurologist and they took an MRI (which was one of the worst medical procedures I have had done to me in my life, mainly because the nurse was an idiot), and everything is fine, but they have been affecting me, badly. I feel like this is one of the reasons why I am feeling so alone, on top of losing a dear family friend, a relative, and my grandfather, and all the stressors that life has, it has left me confused. Really confused.
I know I am just ranting and not making sense, so i am sorry. It's just that I really don't know how to handle this, so I am going to start from the beginning, please bear with me.
When I transffered into my highchool, I knew all of about 5 people total. It was one of the best decisions ever, because I could make friends with people who liked me for me, or so I thought. Freshamn year I was really quiet, i was in advanced classes, so I found many nice, smart people to hangout with, I became friends with many different people from many different groups, and I still am to this day, but its not the same. Freshamn year, I got my bearings. Sophmore year, I thought that I had found the 2 main 'groups' I was going to hang out with. (My school is very clique-ish). They were my theatre frineds and friends I had classes with. Sophmore year, everything was great, I became more opiniated and felt more confident, which honestly helped me make the decision to go to NSLC. Junior year started out great. I thought I knew where I belonged, I really did. I had my few close best friends, that I told everything to, and I was happy, I think that we all were.
A lot of stuff has happened this year, good and bad, I am sure that you knew a lot of the bad, but it was ok. I had my friends by my side, supporting there and lifting me up from simple things, like wearing something that they knew I thought was thier cutest outfit to hugging me when I broke out intears in school. But then, everything changed, and I don;t know if it was for the better.
I had a friend that I became really closet o during sophmore year, we are still good frineds, but in a few short months, i went from calling her sobbing, when I found out my grandfather's fate, to being very coridal with her during our prep and before school started. I started eating lunch in the chorus room, a place that I know i can always find a theatre friend, and that was ok with me. It wasn't like I felt like I was included in the conversation at lunch anywhere other than the chorus room. I am now really close to 2 friends from chorus/musical/I have known them since freshman year: Jillian and sarah.
To be honest there was always a part of me that kept them out of my life, the deep stuff atleast, my problems at home, the secrets I have been carrying around with me, but now they are some of the only people that I feel like I can talk to and they won't get aggrivated and just started to raise their voice and get mad at me. They will just let me talk, and just let me cry because they want me to get it all out and be there for me. But i haven't because it was just Sarah's birthday and I didn't want to take that away from her, they are both getting their wisdom teeth out this week (we are off from school) and I don;t want to bother them.
So I am in this rut, becoming what I see my parents do, just work and work and work and work until I am too tired to do anything else.
This week I have off, but I am still very very busy: I am working 2 jobs, one all day babysitting, one when i het home (lbeling) going on college visits, organizing 2 school events/functions that I am co-chair on and trying to hang out with friends.
I think that I have lost my balance, and I am at a standstill at how to get it back. Please help me, I don;t know where else to go. I know that we all have our own problems, but it is getting hard for me to deal. What do i do?
On a brighter note: I hope that the Easter Bunny is good to you all, and if that is not your thing, I hope you have a lovely Easter!!!!
All my love,
rosanna
I love Tuesdays with Morrie, I think that Mitch Albom is a very good writer.
Anywho, I only have a short time to post, so I am going to vent (and then address you guys in another post)
So, I guess you can say that today was my Tuesday. I got up, ran some errands, and then worke for 10 hours straight, I am taking a break to blog, and then going back to working. With my job, there is a lot of time to think: I put a sticky label on an envelope, and repeat this motion over and over. My mind was everywhere today: everywhere. But it all comes back to friends, it is just haunting me, I guess I am having a 1/8 life crisis, if there is even such a thing.
Life is coming and happening so fast, sooner than I would like, APs are upon me, the musical ended, NYSSMA is coming (an evaluation program for your musical abilities), SATs/ACTs, my cousin's 1st Communion, my 17th birthday, prom... the list goes on and on.
But I am still in this rut, I am happy, so so happy, but in this rut.
I need your guys' advice on what to do. I am so stuck right now, when I actually think hard about my situation, I get tears in my eyes, I think of texting someone, but then realize that this is a face-to-face kind of talk I need to vent. But who do i vent to about my friendship issues? I don't know. The people I am feeling isolated from, the people who are across the US, the people that I do theater with and i know are always there for me? They have thier own problems... so why should I put mine on them?
Wendy- do you know those headaches i was having after NSLC? Well, I am still having them, but I finally went to a neurologist and they took an MRI (which was one of the worst medical procedures I have had done to me in my life, mainly because the nurse was an idiot), and everything is fine, but they have been affecting me, badly. I feel like this is one of the reasons why I am feeling so alone, on top of losing a dear family friend, a relative, and my grandfather, and all the stressors that life has, it has left me confused. Really confused.
I know I am just ranting and not making sense, so i am sorry. It's just that I really don't know how to handle this, so I am going to start from the beginning, please bear with me.
When I transffered into my highchool, I knew all of about 5 people total. It was one of the best decisions ever, because I could make friends with people who liked me for me, or so I thought. Freshamn year I was really quiet, i was in advanced classes, so I found many nice, smart people to hangout with, I became friends with many different people from many different groups, and I still am to this day, but its not the same. Freshamn year, I got my bearings. Sophmore year, I thought that I had found the 2 main 'groups' I was going to hang out with. (My school is very clique-ish). They were my theatre frineds and friends I had classes with. Sophmore year, everything was great, I became more opiniated and felt more confident, which honestly helped me make the decision to go to NSLC. Junior year started out great. I thought I knew where I belonged, I really did. I had my few close best friends, that I told everything to, and I was happy, I think that we all were.
A lot of stuff has happened this year, good and bad, I am sure that you knew a lot of the bad, but it was ok. I had my friends by my side, supporting there and lifting me up from simple things, like wearing something that they knew I thought was thier cutest outfit to hugging me when I broke out intears in school. But then, everything changed, and I don;t know if it was for the better.
I had a friend that I became really closet o during sophmore year, we are still good frineds, but in a few short months, i went from calling her sobbing, when I found out my grandfather's fate, to being very coridal with her during our prep and before school started. I started eating lunch in the chorus room, a place that I know i can always find a theatre friend, and that was ok with me. It wasn't like I felt like I was included in the conversation at lunch anywhere other than the chorus room. I am now really close to 2 friends from chorus/musical/I have known them since freshman year: Jillian and sarah.
To be honest there was always a part of me that kept them out of my life, the deep stuff atleast, my problems at home, the secrets I have been carrying around with me, but now they are some of the only people that I feel like I can talk to and they won't get aggrivated and just started to raise their voice and get mad at me. They will just let me talk, and just let me cry because they want me to get it all out and be there for me. But i haven't because it was just Sarah's birthday and I didn't want to take that away from her, they are both getting their wisdom teeth out this week (we are off from school) and I don;t want to bother them.
So I am in this rut, becoming what I see my parents do, just work and work and work and work until I am too tired to do anything else.
This week I have off, but I am still very very busy: I am working 2 jobs, one all day babysitting, one when i het home (lbeling) going on college visits, organizing 2 school events/functions that I am co-chair on and trying to hang out with friends.
I think that I have lost my balance, and I am at a standstill at how to get it back. Please help me, I don;t know where else to go. I know that we all have our own problems, but it is getting hard for me to deal. What do i do?
On a brighter note: I hope that the Easter Bunny is good to you all, and if that is not your thing, I hope you have a lovely Easter!!!!
All my love,
rosanna
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)