I love that book

Queridas!

I love Tuesdays with Morrie, I think that Mitch Albom is a very good writer.

Anywho, I only have a short time to post, so I am going to vent (and then address you guys in another post)

So, I guess you can say that today was my Tuesday. I got up, ran some errands, and then worke for 10 hours straight, I am taking a break to blog, and then going back to working. With my job, there is a lot of time to think: I put a sticky label on an envelope, and repeat this motion over and over. My mind was everywhere today: everywhere. But it all comes back to friends, it is just haunting me, I guess I am having a 1/8 life crisis, if there is even such a thing.

Life is coming and happening so fast, sooner than I would like, APs are upon me, the musical ended, NYSSMA is coming (an evaluation program for your musical abilities), SATs/ACTs, my cousin's 1st Communion, my 17th birthday, prom... the list goes on and on.
But I am still in this rut, I am happy, so so happy, but in this rut.
I need your guys' advice on what to do. I am so stuck right now, when I actually think hard about my situation, I get tears in my eyes, I think of texting someone, but then realize that this is a face-to-face kind of talk I need to vent. But who do i vent to about my friendship issues? I don't know. The people I am feeling isolated from, the people who are across the US, the people that I do theater with and i know are always there for me? They have thier own problems... so why should I put mine on them?

Wendy- do you know those headaches i was having after NSLC? Well, I am still having them, but I finally went to a neurologist and they took an MRI (which was one of the worst medical procedures I have had done to me in my life, mainly because the nurse was an idiot), and everything is fine, but they have been affecting me, badly. I feel like this is one of the reasons why I am feeling so alone, on top of losing a dear family friend, a relative, and my grandfather, and all the stressors that life has, it has left me confused. Really confused.

I know I am just ranting and not making sense, so i am sorry. It's just that I really don't know how to handle this, so I am going to start from the beginning, please bear with me.

When I transffered into my highchool, I knew all of about 5 people total. It was one of the best decisions ever, because I could make friends with people who liked me for me, or so I thought. Freshamn year I was really quiet, i was in advanced classes, so I found many nice, smart people to hangout with, I became friends with many different people from many different groups, and I still am to this day, but its not the same. Freshamn year, I got my bearings. Sophmore year, I thought that I had found the 2 main 'groups' I was going to hang out with. (My school is very clique-ish). They were my theatre frineds and friends I had classes with. Sophmore year, everything was great, I became more opiniated and felt more confident, which honestly helped me make the decision to go to NSLC. Junior year started out great. I thought I knew where I belonged, I really did. I had my few close best friends, that I told everything to, and I was happy, I think that we all were.
A lot of stuff has happened this year, good and bad, I am sure that you knew a lot of the bad, but it was ok. I had my friends by my side, supporting there and lifting me up from simple things, like wearing something that they knew I thought was thier cutest outfit to hugging me when I broke out intears in school. But then, everything changed, and I don;t know if it was for the better.
I had a friend that I became really closet o during sophmore year, we are still good frineds, but in a few short months, i went from calling her sobbing, when I found out my grandfather's fate, to being very coridal with her during our prep and before school started. I started eating lunch in the chorus room, a place that I know i can always find a theatre friend, and that was ok with me. It wasn't like I felt like I was included in the conversation at lunch anywhere other than the chorus room. I am now really close to 2 friends from chorus/musical/I have known them since freshman year: Jillian and sarah.
To be honest there was always a part of me that kept them out of my life, the deep stuff atleast, my problems at home, the secrets I have been carrying around with me, but now they are some of the only people that I feel like I can talk to and they won't get aggrivated and just started to raise their voice and get mad at me. They will just let me talk, and just let me cry because they want me to get it all out and be there for me. But i haven't because it was just Sarah's birthday and I didn't want to take that away from her, they are both getting their wisdom teeth out this week (we are off from school) and I don;t want to bother them.
So I am in this rut, becoming what I see my parents do, just work and work and work and work until I am too tired to do anything else.
This week I have off, but I am still very very busy: I am working 2 jobs, one all day babysitting, one when i het home (lbeling) going on college visits, organizing 2 school events/functions that I am co-chair on and trying to hang out with friends.

I think that I have lost my balance, and I am at a standstill at how to get it back. Please help me, I don;t know where else to go. I know that we all have our own problems, but it is getting hard for me to deal. What do i do?


On a brighter note: I hope that the Easter Bunny is good to you all, and if that is not your thing, I hope you have a lovely Easter!!!!

All my love,
rosanna