A little bit of time on my hands...

Hello ladies

We're in standardized state testing week, so I have a taaaaad bit of time. (In California it's called STAR.)

To my dearest Rosanna:

We're always here for you, so vent away! Everyone needs an outlet. :]

Also, don't doubt your abilities! You're an amazingly smart and organized person, and any college should be happy to take you.

About Harmony for Haiti -

it's a wonderful thing that you're doing, and I'm sure everyone will realize what a huge job you're undertaking. Let those girls know that as co-chairs they should make themselves models for everyone else, not try to stand out. If it's a stage they want, they can move their asses to the freakin' city and see if anyone wants to take them. I've seen our stage managers work and I know it's a stressful job...let those girls know what being a leader means, because if anyone has the right to tell them, you do.

As for prom, go with someone you'll have a blast with! :] That's my philosophy on dance dates. If you're a type of person who loves to dance, make sure you go with someone who's a good dancer. If you'd rather socialize, go with someone you'll be sure to have fun talking to, taking pictures with, eating, etc. Have fun! :]]]]] I will expect to see pictures. <333

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Class elections are starting up, and a few of my good friends are pushing me to run for president. I'd run if I knew I had some more support...but as of now, I feel as though I'm everyone's last choice on the ballot. Then there's also the fact that I'm running against some of my good friends. They may be good friends, but they're all very competitive and I know at least one of them wants me out of it. Did I mention that they're all popular girls?

I really do care about our class and I want to see us make some big strides next year, and most of all, I want to lead them to it. I don't know how to get people to believe that; it's the same thing everyone says. I want people to know that I'm sincere and that I really believe that I have the potential to lead this class through their senior year-what should be their best year of high school.

But I feel like I have no chance. People are bound to vote for their friends, and I'm not one of those people who is best friends with someone as soon as they walk into my class. I'm not socially outgoing most of the time, and I only have a small group of very close friends about me. Seeing as how I'm up against this year's president, this year's vice president, and a popular & good looking girl, I really feel like there's no point in making an effort. At this point in the year, energy is something that I no longer possess. I feel apathetic towards everything, but I know that if I ran and didn't get it, I'd really be disappointed in myself. At the same time, if I didn't run at all, I'd be dissatisfied for a very long time.

I'm hoping that my friends are mature enough to not...hate me over (and possibly after) these next few weeks. I think that's what I fear the most...that they'll think of me as some bitch who thinks she can barge in and try to be a leader.

After seeing my grades plummet during and after the musical, my self esteem is at an all-time low. I always think about running, but never really do it.

Should I just run and see where the path leads me? I'm at a loss...I'm just so tired now that I can't find the strength to push myself any further. It feels like I've been running a marathon, and now, at the final stretch, my physical and mental health is failing me. The finish line looks so blurry that I just want to close my eyes and fall; just let everything go and run far, far away from all of this competition, all of this stress, this mess I have to call my life. With this kind of mindset can I really lead a class?