That I'm thinking of youuu. :D
Tracy is right, so just real quick...I have been extremely busy, with studying for SAT II's, the ACT, and finals as well. I'm hanging in there, and it'll all be over soon. I'm going to be at Disney with the band for the entire weekend, so I promise I will write a full post when I get back.
Love you guys and hope you are all doing well <3
-WENDY
Friday, May 28, 2010
DON'T NEGLECT YOUR TUMBLY!
i think we all check the blog
wanting someone to post something
because none of us have the time
but all of us want to hear from each other
I'm sad, the friendship bracelet wendy made us broke ]:
I'm pretty sure i had it on the night before, so hopefully it's somewhere in my room and not in the big wide world D:
I don't care if people say "it's a small world"
IT'S NOT.
IF IT WAS FREAKING SMALL I COULD TAKE TWO STEPS AND SEE YOU LADIES. TT ^ TT
I have time right now 'cause I got plenty of sleep last night
even if I was obscenely late to school :'D (i got to school in time for the last four period of class. one of those periods being lunch XDXD)
honestly? i went to school 'cause i wanted to take the train home with arthur > ^ <
This week, I had a bunch of presentations and tests
blech
& I decided that I really had to start shaping up, getting serious- bring my grades up
'cause it'd really suck if I couldn't get into Stonybrook (i'm applying SUNY, I don't really care where I go to college particularly so long as they have decent resources- but I want to go to Stony 'cause that's where arthur's going and it's close enough to visit home, but not to live there :'D)
yeah, so FIGHT-O time
I pulled allnighters, but that wasn't really new to me
I grabbed a nap here and there (about forty minutes on the train to school :'D)
& I could function if I had enough coffee = v =
but by thursday I was a ZOMBIE. sometimes my head would just tune people out and i had to ask them to repeat things > ^ < & when I got up, the room would spin a bit- but i figured that was because I was getting up too fast
though it might also have to do with the fact that I don't eat breakfast or lunch, on wednesday instead of dinner, all i ate were some cookies from earlier on the train ride home
and on thursday...i had a papaya and cup noodles. LOL. it's 'cause having dinner with my family was becoming not happy making; so I would just leave instead of arguing it out /:
I figured I was fine, so my tumbly rumbles a bit- I'll just hold on.
but my dizzy spells were getting worse, I'd just stop walking in the hallway waiting it out 'cause I didn't want to stumble or fall-lame.
so last night, I was exhausted. I had time for a quick two hour nap but instead of waking up to my alarm (i have five alarms. one is a loud radio clock right by my pillow, the other three are built in my phone to ring from my desk so i have to actually get up- and another my friend calls me just in case. I slept through them all.)
But i think oversleeping was good for me, 'cause my head didn't ache anymore, and I only felt dizzy in one period
so loves
what i'm trying to say is
get rest.
get food.
rosie, what did the doctor say about your headaches? ]:
Love Always,
Tracy
wanting someone to post something
because none of us have the time
but all of us want to hear from each other
I'm sad, the friendship bracelet wendy made us broke ]:
I'm pretty sure i had it on the night before, so hopefully it's somewhere in my room and not in the big wide world D:
I don't care if people say "it's a small world"
IT'S NOT.
IF IT WAS FREAKING SMALL I COULD TAKE TWO STEPS AND SEE YOU LADIES. TT ^ TT
I have time right now 'cause I got plenty of sleep last night
even if I was obscenely late to school :'D (i got to school in time for the last four period of class. one of those periods being lunch XDXD)
honestly? i went to school 'cause i wanted to take the train home with arthur > ^ <
This week, I had a bunch of presentations and tests
blech
& I decided that I really had to start shaping up, getting serious- bring my grades up
'cause it'd really suck if I couldn't get into Stonybrook (i'm applying SUNY, I don't really care where I go to college particularly so long as they have decent resources- but I want to go to Stony 'cause that's where arthur's going and it's close enough to visit home, but not to live there :'D)
yeah, so FIGHT-O time
I pulled allnighters, but that wasn't really new to me
I grabbed a nap here and there (about forty minutes on the train to school :'D)
& I could function if I had enough coffee = v =
but by thursday I was a ZOMBIE. sometimes my head would just tune people out and i had to ask them to repeat things > ^ < & when I got up, the room would spin a bit- but i figured that was because I was getting up too fast
though it might also have to do with the fact that I don't eat breakfast or lunch, on wednesday instead of dinner, all i ate were some cookies from earlier on the train ride home
and on thursday...i had a papaya and cup noodles. LOL. it's 'cause having dinner with my family was becoming not happy making; so I would just leave instead of arguing it out /:
I figured I was fine, so my tumbly rumbles a bit- I'll just hold on.
but my dizzy spells were getting worse, I'd just stop walking in the hallway waiting it out 'cause I didn't want to stumble or fall-lame.
so last night, I was exhausted. I had time for a quick two hour nap but instead of waking up to my alarm (i have five alarms. one is a loud radio clock right by my pillow, the other three are built in my phone to ring from my desk so i have to actually get up- and another my friend calls me just in case. I slept through them all.)
But i think oversleeping was good for me, 'cause my head didn't ache anymore, and I only felt dizzy in one period
so loves
what i'm trying to say is
get rest.
get food.
rosie, what did the doctor say about your headaches? ]:
Love Always,
Tracy
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I'M RATHER SILLY!
Ladies,
my lovely
lovely
L a d i e s.
I APOLOGIZE, THERE'S A LOT OF TESTING AND STUDYING AND SIMPLY TOO LITTLE TIME IN ONE SILLY LITTLE DAY TO DO EVERYTHING D:
GAH.
I love you ladies.
I had originally planned to never tell him what was wrong 'cause after letting it all out- I felt much better.
But in my planner I had inscribed "either talk about it or man up"
& I talked about it! to you ladies!
but on thursday,
he saw it
and he worried.
ohmeohmys.
and he got frustrated when i absolutely did not want to tell him what had been bothering me
so in a rather fail attempt to keep the mood light-hearted I took the escalator down going two steps at a time (it wasn't moving)
and he started going down the escalator rather fast
and
I fell x__x
I only scraped my leg up a little bit, but some absolute...douches. going up the escalator jeered at him because I had been saying "TOOFASTTOOFAST"
but he was quite frustrated and wasn't paying attention so yeah
but the jeering made him go from frustrated to upset to just mad.
it was strange, he wasn't mad at me he said, but just...mad. So I promised that the next day I would say everything.
So I was quite worried and upset at myself for upsetting him
but the next day everything was really made a-okay.
it was our 6 months- half a year, and it was an inside joke so it was incredibly thoughtful; the boy got me purple tulips.
Though on the train ride home he confronted me again, and feeling thoroughly silly I told him everything and it just...it all worked out.
I'm happy knowing that I will always have those who love me.
so let's address prom?
PROM-ALALALA:
okiedokes, so first of all- yes wendy, my school has seperate proms; one for seniors and one for juniors
you know what?
spend you prom over at New York (closer than california)
senior prom is at the waldorf! yayyyyyyyyyyexpensive v O
ohmans. i went to eat dinner, and i learned about one of those real things in the world that people need to know about.
Here's my area: flushing is to queens sort of like what union square or times square is to manhattan. NOWAIT. IT'S LIKE WHAT CHINA TOWN IS TO MANHATTAN, it's to queens. it's the asian central
we have neighborhoods and such with a billion asians, but this is not only one of the main neighborhoods, it has a lot of the STORES.
I think I was talking to Wonhee once, and he takes the train from connecticut to NY just to go to flushing O__O
There's this girl.
23 years old.
She's smarter than your average bear 'cause she came from China to the US for graduate school, and to do that you first have to pass a language test to show you're proficient in the English language.
She wasn't attending school at the moment because it's damn expensive.
Going home from work in flushing, some mexican hit her over the head with a baseball bat.
Dragged her to some back alley, and raped her.
She was found when people saw the excessive blood in the area and police found her in the back of some alleyway & took her to the hospital.
She's brain dead now. Her parents have to come from China to sign papers allowing the hospital to take her off life support 'cause they obviously can't afford to keep her on it.
They did the rape test on her, and found the bastard who did this to her.
But the worst part?
Flushing is full of people.
People who saw a girl being half dragged by some Mexican guy towards an unpopulated area- and he's holding a baseball bat; she's bleeding from the head.
They're mostly fobs- and i mean the stereotypical kind who don't give a shit for anyone other than themselves;
People who don't care enough to see if anything is wrong, or even to call 911
People who make me cry because if they had only cared a bit, they would've save her life and they would've saved her parents from this immense heart ache.
It's also scary to think that one of these days when I'm going home via flushing (which I do everyday) no one will give a shit if I'm the one being dragged away.
Humanity scares me,
tracy.
yeanababe, are you alright?
if you're good, then everything's dandy- we just worry; you should share your happiness (:
if you're not...then when you're able to; talk to us babe.
my lovely
lovely
L a d i e s.
I APOLOGIZE, THERE'S A LOT OF TESTING AND STUDYING AND SIMPLY TOO LITTLE TIME IN ONE SILLY LITTLE DAY TO DO EVERYTHING D:
GAH.
I love you ladies.
I had originally planned to never tell him what was wrong 'cause after letting it all out- I felt much better.
But in my planner I had inscribed "either talk about it or man up"
& I talked about it! to you ladies!
but on thursday,
he saw it
and he worried.
ohmeohmys.
and he got frustrated when i absolutely did not want to tell him what had been bothering me
so in a rather fail attempt to keep the mood light-hearted I took the escalator down going two steps at a time (it wasn't moving)
and he started going down the escalator rather fast
and
I fell x__x
I only scraped my leg up a little bit, but some absolute...douches. going up the escalator jeered at him because I had been saying "TOOFASTTOOFAST"
but he was quite frustrated and wasn't paying attention so yeah
but the jeering made him go from frustrated to upset to just mad.
it was strange, he wasn't mad at me he said, but just...mad. So I promised that the next day I would say everything.
So I was quite worried and upset at myself for upsetting him
but the next day everything was really made a-okay.
it was our 6 months- half a year, and it was an inside joke so it was incredibly thoughtful; the boy got me purple tulips.
Though on the train ride home he confronted me again, and feeling thoroughly silly I told him everything and it just...it all worked out.
I'm happy knowing that I will always have those who love me.
so let's address prom?
PROM-ALALALA:
okiedokes, so first of all- yes wendy, my school has seperate proms; one for seniors and one for juniors
you know what?
spend you prom over at New York (closer than california)
senior prom is at the waldorf! yayyyyyyyyyyexpensive v O
ohmans. i went to eat dinner, and i learned about one of those real things in the world that people need to know about.
Here's my area: flushing is to queens sort of like what union square or times square is to manhattan. NOWAIT. IT'S LIKE WHAT CHINA TOWN IS TO MANHATTAN, it's to queens. it's the asian central
we have neighborhoods and such with a billion asians, but this is not only one of the main neighborhoods, it has a lot of the STORES.
I think I was talking to Wonhee once, and he takes the train from connecticut to NY just to go to flushing O__O
There's this girl.
23 years old.
She's smarter than your average bear 'cause she came from China to the US for graduate school, and to do that you first have to pass a language test to show you're proficient in the English language.
She wasn't attending school at the moment because it's damn expensive.
Going home from work in flushing, some mexican hit her over the head with a baseball bat.
Dragged her to some back alley, and raped her.
She was found when people saw the excessive blood in the area and police found her in the back of some alleyway & took her to the hospital.
She's brain dead now. Her parents have to come from China to sign papers allowing the hospital to take her off life support 'cause they obviously can't afford to keep her on it.
They did the rape test on her, and found the bastard who did this to her.
But the worst part?
Flushing is full of people.
People who saw a girl being half dragged by some Mexican guy towards an unpopulated area- and he's holding a baseball bat; she's bleeding from the head.
They're mostly fobs- and i mean the stereotypical kind who don't give a shit for anyone other than themselves;
People who don't care enough to see if anything is wrong, or even to call 911
People who make me cry because if they had only cared a bit, they would've save her life and they would've saved her parents from this immense heart ache.
It's also scary to think that one of these days when I'm going home via flushing (which I do everyday) no one will give a shit if I'm the one being dragged away.
Humanity scares me,
tracy.
yeanababe, are you alright?
if you're good, then everything's dandy- we just worry; you should share your happiness (:
if you're not...then when you're able to; talk to us babe.
akjkdslfjdsklghfdsjgsdjkh < Asian Moment :)
Hello Ladies-
WHERE ARE YOU?????????? WHY ARENT YOU BLOGGING????????????????
Tracy - Be confident with who you are! And when you are not, just know that those who love you will always be there for you. It is normal to have insecurities, but please do not let them rule your life. We love you so much, and just want you to be happy! Don't let your insecurities stand in the way of the Tracy we know and love! The one who looked so good in Cynthia's dress!!! <3
Wendy - Whats going on down there?... all the way in Lando... so freakin' far away.
Yeana- ???? Are you there??? Please say yes!
Did all of you go through so much freakin' drama with prom? There is NO saving from all the sh** that is happening up here. Everyone is having a feud with atleast one of their friends about stupid prom. (Luckily I am not, but its afecting my friendships with a lot of people). It is just a contrived event, and I know that night it will be fun, but is it worth all of the crap that goes on before it? Like friendships are legit breaking up because she wasn't invited to pictures here, or he wasn't invitied to the after party there... I want to scream at them GET OVER YOURSELF THERE ARE OTHER PROBLEMS BIGGER AND GREATER THAN PROM!!!!!!!1 9with a ew profanities here and there).
Other than that, my is still goingly badly... people don't seem to understand that things are moer important than their superficial problems. If you lost your I-Phone, to freakin big deal, get over it. its because of your lack of responsibility. I just hape this I am so sick of it and I want it to be done. I want the summer to get here and I want to babysit my butt off and I want to be in my community theatre show and I want to volunteer and I want to leave all the drama and shit behind because I am SICK and tired of it.
This is why I hate my school. All the people there are so spoiled and do nothing to deserve the designer clothes or the Mercedes. It is so freakin' annoying, There is a point where you need to accept the shit that happens to you and try to do the better thing and move on so that you can have a full and enjoyable life. And I wish that they would just get over how much they hate school and accept that it isn't worth complaining about it. Find all the positive in it you can, becasue the negative is only going to make it that much worse. It just bothers me because there are times that I kill myself trying to be there for my friends and make sure they are ok, and get them to laugh when they want to cry and hold them up in a hug when they want to collapse, it's just part of my job. But I just wish they would take a step back and ask me how I am doing, or remember my birthday. I know it comes at a really really busy time of the year, but NOTHING??? Really? I am not one to draw attention to myself or try to make everything about me, or try to make everyone feel sorry for me, but this year has sucked. Starting January losing my grandfather, and then losing someone else almost every 2 weeks after until March... its hard and it still hurts. I try so hard to get past it and move on, but the pain doesn't go away that fast. My support group is dwindling and I miss it and I want it to be there, but I am only willing to do so much.
I miss all of you and in my mind I am counting down the days until I see you all again, even though I do not know when that will be. Until then, from New York.....
Rosie
WHERE ARE YOU?????????? WHY ARENT YOU BLOGGING????????????????
Tracy - Be confident with who you are! And when you are not, just know that those who love you will always be there for you. It is normal to have insecurities, but please do not let them rule your life. We love you so much, and just want you to be happy! Don't let your insecurities stand in the way of the Tracy we know and love! The one who looked so good in Cynthia's dress!!! <3
Wendy - Whats going on down there?... all the way in Lando... so freakin' far away.
Yeana- ???? Are you there??? Please say yes!
Did all of you go through so much freakin' drama with prom? There is NO saving from all the sh** that is happening up here. Everyone is having a feud with atleast one of their friends about stupid prom. (Luckily I am not, but its afecting my friendships with a lot of people). It is just a contrived event, and I know that night it will be fun, but is it worth all of the crap that goes on before it? Like friendships are legit breaking up because she wasn't invited to pictures here, or he wasn't invitied to the after party there... I want to scream at them GET OVER YOURSELF THERE ARE OTHER PROBLEMS BIGGER AND GREATER THAN PROM!!!!!!!1 9with a ew profanities here and there).
Other than that, my is still goingly badly... people don't seem to understand that things are moer important than their superficial problems. If you lost your I-Phone, to freakin big deal, get over it. its because of your lack of responsibility. I just hape this I am so sick of it and I want it to be done. I want the summer to get here and I want to babysit my butt off and I want to be in my community theatre show and I want to volunteer and I want to leave all the drama and shit behind because I am SICK and tired of it.
This is why I hate my school. All the people there are so spoiled and do nothing to deserve the designer clothes or the Mercedes. It is so freakin' annoying, There is a point where you need to accept the shit that happens to you and try to do the better thing and move on so that you can have a full and enjoyable life. And I wish that they would just get over how much they hate school and accept that it isn't worth complaining about it. Find all the positive in it you can, becasue the negative is only going to make it that much worse. It just bothers me because there are times that I kill myself trying to be there for my friends and make sure they are ok, and get them to laugh when they want to cry and hold them up in a hug when they want to collapse, it's just part of my job. But I just wish they would take a step back and ask me how I am doing, or remember my birthday. I know it comes at a really really busy time of the year, but NOTHING??? Really? I am not one to draw attention to myself or try to make everything about me, or try to make everyone feel sorry for me, but this year has sucked. Starting January losing my grandfather, and then losing someone else almost every 2 weeks after until March... its hard and it still hurts. I try so hard to get past it and move on, but the pain doesn't go away that fast. My support group is dwindling and I miss it and I want it to be there, but I am only willing to do so much.
I miss all of you and in my mind I am counting down the days until I see you all again, even though I do not know when that will be. Until then, from New York.....
Rosie
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
YESYESYES.
I'm loving this new wave of posting. :D
So my girls. After reading about all your prom specificalities...do you guys having SEPARATE proms for Junior and Seniors?! Weird...hahah and I feel like I was ripped off at mine. 65 bucks for NO dinner, just some cheesy hor deurves (however you spell that). Huh, interesting. I'm loving the idea of the cruise boat, though! That's great.
Anyway, Yeana I am really glad you had fun at your prom! I also enjoyed reading about your "epiphany" of some sort. :P I can see that you're growing into yourself, and that you are happier these days! (Hmm...correlation between that and AP tests, perhaps? Hmm...)
Rosanna, I am sooo excited for you and Loren!! :P As for your friends, I am glad you have people there to fall back on.
Now Tracyyy. Please let go of your insecurities and just LIVE! I know it is so easy to say, so hard to do...but really. Look at yourself. You are a BEAUTIFUL and CAPABLE young lady. You have the potential to do whatever you want...do not let little high school issues weigh you down. I know how much you love Arthur, but please think about yourself for once. Yes, you guys will have your issues, but do not let them affect you in the long run. You've got a long way to go, my dear. These high school matters will seem trivial once you really begin to live! As for prom, you guys don't have to go. Like you said, having your own little date would be SUPER cute and sweet as well. :D
Don't feel weak when you spill out all your feelings...we're here to make you feel stronger. <3
-----------------------------------------------------
As for me, girls, I am DONE WITH AP TESTING!! ^.^ I cannot believe it, actually. I mean, to think that just a month ago I was crying in my closet, so scared I couldn't handle it all.
Schoolwork has died down as well, and I think I am pretty much golden for the rest of the year. (3 weeks left!!!) Now all I have to worry about are SAT IIs and the ACT in June...they shouldn't be too bad.
So I am definitely less stressed, and I'm loving it! I am happy happy again.
BUT...the same old problems keep on reappearing.
I am beginning to feel more and more left out here...I feel like people don't think I'm "fun" anymore, and therefore do not invite me to do anything. My two closest friends have basically, replaced me with a 17 year old guy (meaning as a best friend, not a crush, lol). They do things together now and never invite me. Is it because they automatically assume I'm busy, or is it just because they don't want to hang out with me? I don't understand.
Walking out of my AP testing room today, I was met by groups and groups of friends clumped together, chatting and whatnot. I did not know which group to join. Or rather, I didn't really have any intentions of wanting to join.
You see, here is my problem. I really dislike Land O' Lakes, and Florida for that matter. I think people here are arrogant and STUPID. Kids here worry about irrelevant topics and the lack of motivation really bugs me. This is WHY I want to leave here so badly. This is WHY I want to attend school up north. And therefore, this is possibly the reason why I have been pushing myself so hard lately. My rationale is, if I work hard, I will be admitted into a good school up north and therefore, be able to separate myself from these idiotic doofs in Lando. I want to just run away and start anew, more than anything.
So is it bad that I feel that way? I feel like sometimes I'm making myself an outsider. Obviously I love my close friends, but even sometimes certain things they say/do just BUG the CRAP outta me. Like our ideals and morals are sometimes completely different. I understand that I going to have that problem with everyoneee, but honestly sometimes I just can't take it anymore.
I guess I really don't mind being left out, but then again I do. One of the few people I can really rely on is Jason from Chinese school, who, oh lookie here, doesn't even live in Land O' Lakes. Hmm I wonder why I like him so much. Hahah. Oh, btw I have been talking and spending time with him a lot recently...you know how my feelings for him have always been kind of up and down? Well, I'm pretty darn sure how I feel about him now...I think he really understands me. Partly because he has a lot of the same goals as I do, and he just knows who I really am. He's relatable and he's INTELLIGENT. I grow attracted to him more and more as the days progress. I am really glad I have him.
I am also really glad I have you guys. I think it's amazing that we're all going through the same things, (ie, prom) but that each of our stories are different.
One day we will be reunited, and that will be the happiest day of my life! :)
Love you all.
WENDY
So my girls. After reading about all your prom specificalities...do you guys having SEPARATE proms for Junior and Seniors?! Weird...hahah and I feel like I was ripped off at mine. 65 bucks for NO dinner, just some cheesy hor deurves (however you spell that). Huh, interesting. I'm loving the idea of the cruise boat, though! That's great.
Anyway, Yeana I am really glad you had fun at your prom! I also enjoyed reading about your "epiphany" of some sort. :P I can see that you're growing into yourself, and that you are happier these days! (Hmm...correlation between that and AP tests, perhaps? Hmm...)
Rosanna, I am sooo excited for you and Loren!! :P As for your friends, I am glad you have people there to fall back on.
Now Tracyyy. Please let go of your insecurities and just LIVE! I know it is so easy to say, so hard to do...but really. Look at yourself. You are a BEAUTIFUL and CAPABLE young lady. You have the potential to do whatever you want...do not let little high school issues weigh you down. I know how much you love Arthur, but please think about yourself for once. Yes, you guys will have your issues, but do not let them affect you in the long run. You've got a long way to go, my dear. These high school matters will seem trivial once you really begin to live! As for prom, you guys don't have to go. Like you said, having your own little date would be SUPER cute and sweet as well. :D
Don't feel weak when you spill out all your feelings...we're here to make you feel stronger. <3
-----------------------------------------------------
As for me, girls, I am DONE WITH AP TESTING!! ^.^ I cannot believe it, actually. I mean, to think that just a month ago I was crying in my closet, so scared I couldn't handle it all.
Schoolwork has died down as well, and I think I am pretty much golden for the rest of the year. (3 weeks left!!!) Now all I have to worry about are SAT IIs and the ACT in June...they shouldn't be too bad.
So I am definitely less stressed, and I'm loving it! I am happy happy again.
BUT...the same old problems keep on reappearing.
I am beginning to feel more and more left out here...I feel like people don't think I'm "fun" anymore, and therefore do not invite me to do anything. My two closest friends have basically, replaced me with a 17 year old guy (meaning as a best friend, not a crush, lol). They do things together now and never invite me. Is it because they automatically assume I'm busy, or is it just because they don't want to hang out with me? I don't understand.
Walking out of my AP testing room today, I was met by groups and groups of friends clumped together, chatting and whatnot. I did not know which group to join. Or rather, I didn't really have any intentions of wanting to join.
You see, here is my problem. I really dislike Land O' Lakes, and Florida for that matter. I think people here are arrogant and STUPID. Kids here worry about irrelevant topics and the lack of motivation really bugs me. This is WHY I want to leave here so badly. This is WHY I want to attend school up north. And therefore, this is possibly the reason why I have been pushing myself so hard lately. My rationale is, if I work hard, I will be admitted into a good school up north and therefore, be able to separate myself from these idiotic doofs in Lando. I want to just run away and start anew, more than anything.
So is it bad that I feel that way? I feel like sometimes I'm making myself an outsider. Obviously I love my close friends, but even sometimes certain things they say/do just BUG the CRAP outta me. Like our ideals and morals are sometimes completely different. I understand that I going to have that problem with everyoneee, but honestly sometimes I just can't take it anymore.
I guess I really don't mind being left out, but then again I do. One of the few people I can really rely on is Jason from Chinese school, who, oh lookie here, doesn't even live in Land O' Lakes. Hmm I wonder why I like him so much. Hahah. Oh, btw I have been talking and spending time with him a lot recently...you know how my feelings for him have always been kind of up and down? Well, I'm pretty darn sure how I feel about him now...I think he really understands me. Partly because he has a lot of the same goals as I do, and he just knows who I really am. He's relatable and he's INTELLIGENT. I grow attracted to him more and more as the days progress. I am really glad I have him.
I am also really glad I have you guys. I think it's amazing that we're all going through the same things, (ie, prom) but that each of our stories are different.
One day we will be reunited, and that will be the happiest day of my life! :)
Love you all.
WENDY
Sunday, May 9, 2010
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
The title is dedicated to our mommy rosie (:
& by the way, another H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y!
you are fabulous,
& beautiful,
an amazing young woman,
with an amazing mind-
& heart
we love you.
You know, all of this week since my last post I couldn't seem to find the time to look at our blog at all.
& it definitely made a difference not having the words of my ladies as a soft remembrance in the back of my heart that they're there for me.
You guys are an irreplaceable part of my life.
So I'm going to put up pictures sometime soon (I think. lol) and under the guise of being for my digital photography project, I invited my friend Corinne over to burn my report card.
Ladies, you can all tell me I'm smart- but my school begs to differ.
I think it has something to do with me falling asleep during lessons and tests- teachers don't like that too much.
I'm working on it, I didn't sign up for any APs this year because if I can't handle a regular workload, how am I supposed to take on APs?
My friend encouraged me to sign up for the ACT however, and I already have the waiver /: I'm just sitting on the fence. I think I'll commit to it.
SO. I SAW ALL OF THE PROM PICTURES (i'm not a creep, it's facebook. >__O)
& NOW I'M HAPPY WITH THE PROM STORIES [:
Wendylove, if anything I'm more than just going la la la laaa, I'm full out frolicking. IT IS TIME TO SET MY MEADOW ON FIRE AND GET TO WORK TT ^ TT
it's okay if you're going crazy.
one of my teachers that I really respect once talked to me about how he thought he had gone crazy for a moment. I wrote him a letter saying that even if he did go crazy, he'd still be an amazing teacher and such. I told him that being crazy doesn't mean losing your mind, you gain a whole new perspective on the world. Sometimes a bit of entropy is good.
I think he thinks I'm crazy now. LOL.
yeanababe,
greenday is super cool [:
(& SO IS YOUR PRIESSSSST!)
I think I feel too much.
Normal people tear up during films, I cry with tears running down my face.
When they cry, I sob.
Maybe I just really get sucked into the world of the movie.
Or maybe I just feel too much.
I feel like it's only okay to cry, if it's not something important.
I wouldn't want people to worry /:
CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. <3
there's actually a chocolate club at my school....they spend most of the year raising money (selling stuff and etc.) to go on a trip to hershey park at the end of the year XDXD
babe, how are you with francis...?
& I can't wait to get your photo and put it up on my corkboard along with my other NSLC photos [:
ROSIEEEE-ANNAA!!
MY J-PROM IS ON A BOAT AS WELL XDXD
some people think it's hilarious and they sing out IM ON A BOAT.
others are somewhat worried that if they're late the boat will ditch them.
and of coarse some think it's stupid 'cause 1. it's a boat 2. they can't sneak in anything (i happen to like that they can't sneak anything in.) 3. they want to leave early but can't...unless they swim.
I'm not going to J-prom, I wouldn't be going whether Arthur was in my life or not lol
I kind of want to because it seems like some of my close friends are going- but it's much too much trouble and ew- money. (after some deals made with miscellaneous stores on advertising and such, my j-prom would only be like $45-$50!)
Money is quite the issue XDXD
Hey ladies,
so I'm a bit confused
but I may or may not be going to Arthur's senior prom @__@
At first, we had both decided it wasn't going to happen because his mom wouldn't pay for his ticket- my parents obviously wouldn't pay for mine- and he could only save up enough money for one ticket
It's sweet, I keep telling him to just go without me- enjoy his senior experience with his friends and whatnot- but he said he refused to go without me :'D
So we decided we'd have an instead-of-prom date
well.
he just recently told me
that his mom caved. and said she'd cover his ticket, tux, whatever.
He said if he can get enough money to cover my ticket then we're set
I even talked to my mom and instead of an instant veto she's actually considering it :'D
my brother came to my rescue.
he told her than prom is actually important. and that I need to get a dress for it. LOL, HE UNDERSTANDS GIRLS XDXD
ladies, senior prom costs about $200. for the ticket.
X__X
So I still have to ask him about if he's positive we're going,
if we do
I'm nervous as hell.
As wendy should most certainly know about my lack of curves (LOL. IT WAS HARD TRYING TO GET ME TO LOOK NOT-AWKWARD IN CYNTHIA'S DRESS XDXD)
& my school offers Ballroom as a senior elective in phys ed so he can most certainly dance
I think that if we end up not going to prom
then on our insteadofprom date I'll borrow speakers from someone-anyone and get him to dance with me anyways (:
he's a very sweet boy, I hope my brother can see that before he goes to college /:
Today, my brother was poking holes in me. He dislikes that Arthur spends more time on MW2 (Modern Warfare 2) than with me lol. If anything, I'm happy my brother cares for me
Personally I would always welcome more time with him, but if MW2 makes him happy then I don't want to stand in the way of it.
I was a fool to tell my brother about my insecurities.
You see, there are two questions that I want to, but will never ask Arthur.
1. Why did you and Annie (ah. the ex. this name hurts. I actually have a friend named Annie, she doesn't know that this is the reason why I call her KIMBOOYAH (her last name is kim) all the time instead of annie. this is also the reason why I can't think about pikachus without being sad anymore. This is also the reason why I deleted a song named annie in my Ipod. This is a reason for many things.) break up?
-I never did receive a clear understanding on it.
2. Something along the lines of "Am I appealing to you at all?"
You see, that girl up there (><) is very. sexy. I mean it. I'm very comfortable with my sexual orientation, I know for a fact that I'm a hundred percent straight. I might experiment (LOL) but I'll always roll along the beaten path and be attracted to guys. So I can comfortably tell a girl if she is sexy- and she is. (by the way, you ladies are more than sexy, you're downright beautiful.)
I think he played quite the game of baseball with her. (LOL, THE BASES. REMEMBER?)
Through some backdoors and creeping, I gained access to their wall to wall (i went to my friend in a panic that I had gone off the far end- that i was officially a psycho. she told me that it was actually the norm in most girlfriends and that creeping was fun anyways. she made me laugh :'D)
yeah, so I was given the privilege to see his past i love yous to her (oh boy.) and also to see that she had told him that he was too aggressive.
aggressive?
Possibilities that ran through my head:
1. Very sexual possibilities.
This boy won't touch me. and I mean, at all. He says he respects me too much and that he doesn't want to mess up this relationship (like the last one..?)
oh, i hate the nega-me. she points out everything i'm scared of. maybe it's not just respect, maybe i'm just not appealing to him at all.
she de-sexualizes me,and I feel quite unappealing to him. I feel devoid of any charm other than a childlike cuteness which really doesn't help the cause unless he's got a thing for lolitas. Oh wendy, if you thought you were crazy, you're not. at all.
I mean it. If you thought the things above this were crazy talk, wait until you hear what I'm about to say. It's something I held deep within the confines of my heart because I scared myself a bit with the truth in it.
My friend had just told me in passing something about horoscopes and whatnot.
A pisces apparently sees sex as the ultimate act of love. It's like...that's all she has to give, herself.
So I laughingly asked myself, as a pisces would I do that?
Oh ladies, it was a sardonic laugh.
I honestly would.
Not in the way as giving-sex-for-love. don't worry about that. I just want to give all that I can give.
He wouldn't anyways, he's much too much of a gentleman and I don't think the thought that little ol' me would want to seduce him would ever enter his mind.
I told you it was crazy.
possibility number two is off the charts crazy.
possibility number two is that he acts very different around me, it's either because he's honestly changed, or that he feels like he can't be himself around me. At some point in all of my craziness this notion evolved into me being fluff. Fluff is just filler. expendable. It's sadsadsad.
Maybe this is all one big misunderstanding on his part and I'm the only one in love.
Here is where the hole poking happened. I don't think my brother realized how much this really impaled me.
Does he call?
-"he doesn't really use his phone a lot." I used to be able to say that he broke his phone so that was why he didn't call, but now he has a new one. my answer was still he just doesn't use the phone a lot.
Does he go on facebook? (my brother knows I thrive on facebook because it's a connection to my friends)
-"not...anymore..." we really started talking on facebook. there would be page long conversations broken up into smaller parts so that they would fit within the limit. It was the most wonderful wall spam because there was simply so much to talk about.
and then it stopped. OHMAN. and this one really killed 'cause he used to go on facebook as much as i did- when he went out with her. to talk to her. sadsadsad.
Does he ever go out with you?
-YES.
often?
-...he tries.
What's keeping him so busy that he can't see you?
-...modern warfare 2...IT MAKES HIM HAPPY. IT'S OKAY.
Being with you should make him happy. Wouldn't you choose him over manga?
-LOL, I ONCE SPENT AN ENTIRE WEEKEND WITHOUT READING ANY MANGA AND JUST TALKING TO HIM :D *goes back to such a good conversation*
that's how it should be. do you two ever talk? he never calls or texts. he'll check facebook but he'll reply to everyone but you and he only sometimes goes on aim?
-...it's enough.
I'm starting to doubt that he cares.
-he cares.
I don't want you to lie to yourself.
HE KEPT POKING HOLES.
i wish he asked me the most important question.
"does he love you?"
yes. we even banter about it every now and then about who cares more. But then what's sad is that part of me way deep inside is serious when I say that I love him more, and nothing can convince me otherwise because that part of me really believes it's true.
Hi, I hate myself.
Hi, I'm crying.
Hi, it's been over two hours of writing.
& it has been driving me insane. quietly insane.
you know what?
now that I've finally let it out. It feels a little less silly. and a little less possible. not a lot, but a little.
I hate hurting him so much that I would never directly say such a thing on my blog when I need to vent because I'd be scared that he'd see it and he'd be hurt. The rational part of me doesn't want him to know of my scared thoughts because the rational part of me doesn't want to hurt him with something that will go away eventually. Because this is all crazy talk right?
The nega-me hates me, loves him. so she wouldn't want to hurt him.
i think opening the heart a bit let out way too much crazy for one little post. I don't want to think about it. I want to get a hold of myself and make it all go away.
Yeanababe, do you remember mentioning that you'd bitchslap nega-me away if she popped back up?
I think i need a good smack to the face.
Hey ladies, I think i just had an epiphany.
the real reason why i don't post too often
isn't because I don't want to leave long inane posts.
I love leaving you guys posts full of my love for you
but it's because
my heart is too off guard with you ladies. and all of a sudden all of my insecurities come rushing out.
I dislike that.
I'm not used to talking about it.
it's weird.
I love you ladies,
even though you all make me much too weak.
tracy.
& by the way, another H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y!
you are fabulous,
& beautiful,
an amazing young woman,
with an amazing mind-
& heart
we love you.
You know, all of this week since my last post I couldn't seem to find the time to look at our blog at all.
& it definitely made a difference not having the words of my ladies as a soft remembrance in the back of my heart that they're there for me.
You guys are an irreplaceable part of my life.
So I'm going to put up pictures sometime soon (I think. lol) and under the guise of being for my digital photography project, I invited my friend Corinne over to burn my report card.
Ladies, you can all tell me I'm smart- but my school begs to differ.
I think it has something to do with me falling asleep during lessons and tests- teachers don't like that too much.
I'm working on it, I didn't sign up for any APs this year because if I can't handle a regular workload, how am I supposed to take on APs?
My friend encouraged me to sign up for the ACT however, and I already have the waiver /: I'm just sitting on the fence. I think I'll commit to it.
SO. I SAW ALL OF THE PROM PICTURES (i'm not a creep, it's facebook. >__O)
& NOW I'M HAPPY WITH THE PROM STORIES [:
Wendylove, if anything I'm more than just going la la la laaa, I'm full out frolicking. IT IS TIME TO SET MY MEADOW ON FIRE AND GET TO WORK TT ^ TT
it's okay if you're going crazy.
one of my teachers that I really respect once talked to me about how he thought he had gone crazy for a moment. I wrote him a letter saying that even if he did go crazy, he'd still be an amazing teacher and such. I told him that being crazy doesn't mean losing your mind, you gain a whole new perspective on the world. Sometimes a bit of entropy is good.
I think he thinks I'm crazy now. LOL.
yeanababe,
greenday is super cool [:
(& SO IS YOUR PRIESSSSST!)
I think I feel too much.
Normal people tear up during films, I cry with tears running down my face.
When they cry, I sob.
Maybe I just really get sucked into the world of the movie.
Or maybe I just feel too much.
I feel like it's only okay to cry, if it's not something important.
I wouldn't want people to worry /:
CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. <3
there's actually a chocolate club at my school....they spend most of the year raising money (selling stuff and etc.) to go on a trip to hershey park at the end of the year XDXD
babe, how are you with francis...?
& I can't wait to get your photo and put it up on my corkboard along with my other NSLC photos [:
ROSIEEEE-ANNAA!!
MY J-PROM IS ON A BOAT AS WELL XDXD
some people think it's hilarious and they sing out IM ON A BOAT.
others are somewhat worried that if they're late the boat will ditch them.
and of coarse some think it's stupid 'cause 1. it's a boat 2. they can't sneak in anything (i happen to like that they can't sneak anything in.) 3. they want to leave early but can't...unless they swim.
I'm not going to J-prom, I wouldn't be going whether Arthur was in my life or not lol
I kind of want to because it seems like some of my close friends are going- but it's much too much trouble and ew- money. (after some deals made with miscellaneous stores on advertising and such, my j-prom would only be like $45-$50!)
Money is quite the issue XDXD
Hey ladies,
so I'm a bit confused
but I may or may not be going to Arthur's senior prom @__@
At first, we had both decided it wasn't going to happen because his mom wouldn't pay for his ticket- my parents obviously wouldn't pay for mine- and he could only save up enough money for one ticket
It's sweet, I keep telling him to just go without me- enjoy his senior experience with his friends and whatnot- but he said he refused to go without me :'D
So we decided we'd have an instead-of-prom date
well.
he just recently told me
that his mom caved. and said she'd cover his ticket, tux, whatever.
He said if he can get enough money to cover my ticket then we're set
I even talked to my mom and instead of an instant veto she's actually considering it :'D
my brother came to my rescue.
he told her than prom is actually important. and that I need to get a dress for it. LOL, HE UNDERSTANDS GIRLS XDXD
ladies, senior prom costs about $200. for the ticket.
X__X
So I still have to ask him about if he's positive we're going,
if we do
I'm nervous as hell.
As wendy should most certainly know about my lack of curves (LOL. IT WAS HARD TRYING TO GET ME TO LOOK NOT-AWKWARD IN CYNTHIA'S DRESS XDXD)
& my school offers Ballroom as a senior elective in phys ed so he can most certainly dance
I think that if we end up not going to prom
then on our insteadofprom date I'll borrow speakers from someone-anyone and get him to dance with me anyways (:
he's a very sweet boy, I hope my brother can see that before he goes to college /:
Today, my brother was poking holes in me. He dislikes that Arthur spends more time on MW2 (Modern Warfare 2) than with me lol. If anything, I'm happy my brother cares for me
Personally I would always welcome more time with him, but if MW2 makes him happy then I don't want to stand in the way of it.
I was a fool to tell my brother about my insecurities.
You see, there are two questions that I want to, but will never ask Arthur.
1. Why did you and Annie (ah. the ex. this name hurts. I actually have a friend named Annie, she doesn't know that this is the reason why I call her KIMBOOYAH (her last name is kim) all the time instead of annie. this is also the reason why I can't think about pikachus without being sad anymore. This is also the reason why I deleted a song named annie in my Ipod. This is a reason for many things.) break up?
-I never did receive a clear understanding on it.
2. Something along the lines of "Am I appealing to you at all?"
You see, that girl up there (><) is very. sexy. I mean it. I'm very comfortable with my sexual orientation, I know for a fact that I'm a hundred percent straight. I might experiment (LOL) but I'll always roll along the beaten path and be attracted to guys. So I can comfortably tell a girl if she is sexy- and she is. (by the way, you ladies are more than sexy, you're downright beautiful.)
I think he played quite the game of baseball with her. (LOL, THE BASES. REMEMBER?)
Through some backdoors and creeping, I gained access to their wall to wall (i went to my friend in a panic that I had gone off the far end- that i was officially a psycho. she told me that it was actually the norm in most girlfriends and that creeping was fun anyways. she made me laugh :'D)
yeah, so I was given the privilege to see his past i love yous to her (oh boy.) and also to see that she had told him that he was too aggressive.
aggressive?
Possibilities that ran through my head:
1. Very sexual possibilities.
This boy won't touch me. and I mean, at all. He says he respects me too much and that he doesn't want to mess up this relationship (like the last one..?)
oh, i hate the nega-me. she points out everything i'm scared of. maybe it's not just respect, maybe i'm just not appealing to him at all.
she de-sexualizes me,and I feel quite unappealing to him. I feel devoid of any charm other than a childlike cuteness which really doesn't help the cause unless he's got a thing for lolitas. Oh wendy, if you thought you were crazy, you're not. at all.
I mean it. If you thought the things above this were crazy talk, wait until you hear what I'm about to say. It's something I held deep within the confines of my heart because I scared myself a bit with the truth in it.
My friend had just told me in passing something about horoscopes and whatnot.
A pisces apparently sees sex as the ultimate act of love. It's like...that's all she has to give, herself.
So I laughingly asked myself, as a pisces would I do that?
Oh ladies, it was a sardonic laugh.
I honestly would.
Not in the way as giving-sex-for-love. don't worry about that. I just want to give all that I can give.
He wouldn't anyways, he's much too much of a gentleman and I don't think the thought that little ol' me would want to seduce him would ever enter his mind.
I told you it was crazy.
possibility number two is off the charts crazy.
possibility number two is that he acts very different around me, it's either because he's honestly changed, or that he feels like he can't be himself around me. At some point in all of my craziness this notion evolved into me being fluff. Fluff is just filler. expendable. It's sadsadsad.
Maybe this is all one big misunderstanding on his part and I'm the only one in love.
Here is where the hole poking happened. I don't think my brother realized how much this really impaled me.
Does he call?
-"he doesn't really use his phone a lot." I used to be able to say that he broke his phone so that was why he didn't call, but now he has a new one. my answer was still he just doesn't use the phone a lot.
Does he go on facebook? (my brother knows I thrive on facebook because it's a connection to my friends)
-"not...anymore..." we really started talking on facebook. there would be page long conversations broken up into smaller parts so that they would fit within the limit. It was the most wonderful wall spam because there was simply so much to talk about.
and then it stopped. OHMAN. and this one really killed 'cause he used to go on facebook as much as i did- when he went out with her. to talk to her. sadsadsad.
Does he ever go out with you?
-YES.
often?
-...he tries.
What's keeping him so busy that he can't see you?
-...modern warfare 2...IT MAKES HIM HAPPY. IT'S OKAY.
Being with you should make him happy. Wouldn't you choose him over manga?
-LOL, I ONCE SPENT AN ENTIRE WEEKEND WITHOUT READING ANY MANGA AND JUST TALKING TO HIM :D *goes back to such a good conversation*
that's how it should be. do you two ever talk? he never calls or texts. he'll check facebook but he'll reply to everyone but you and he only sometimes goes on aim?
-...it's enough.
I'm starting to doubt that he cares.
-he cares.
I don't want you to lie to yourself.
HE KEPT POKING HOLES.
i wish he asked me the most important question.
"does he love you?"
yes. we even banter about it every now and then about who cares more. But then what's sad is that part of me way deep inside is serious when I say that I love him more, and nothing can convince me otherwise because that part of me really believes it's true.
Hi, I hate myself.
Hi, I'm crying.
Hi, it's been over two hours of writing.
& it has been driving me insane. quietly insane.
you know what?
now that I've finally let it out. It feels a little less silly. and a little less possible. not a lot, but a little.
I hate hurting him so much that I would never directly say such a thing on my blog when I need to vent because I'd be scared that he'd see it and he'd be hurt. The rational part of me doesn't want him to know of my scared thoughts because the rational part of me doesn't want to hurt him with something that will go away eventually. Because this is all crazy talk right?
The nega-me hates me, loves him. so she wouldn't want to hurt him.
i think opening the heart a bit let out way too much crazy for one little post. I don't want to think about it. I want to get a hold of myself and make it all go away.
Yeanababe, do you remember mentioning that you'd bitchslap nega-me away if she popped back up?
I think i need a good smack to the face.
Hey ladies, I think i just had an epiphany.
the real reason why i don't post too often
isn't because I don't want to leave long inane posts.
I love leaving you guys posts full of my love for you
but it's because
my heart is too off guard with you ladies. and all of a sudden all of my insecurities come rushing out.
I dislike that.
I'm not used to talking about it.
it's weird.
I love you ladies,
even though you all make me much too weak.
tracy.
Darlings....
It is May 9th, but it is 32 degrees in Albany.... weird. Anywho..............
Wendy - I love you, and your fuzzies, and I am so glad that you had a good time at prom!!!! I stalked you A LOT on facebook to see all the pictures.... :)
Tracy - Everything will work out, be yourself. We love you and want you to BLOG!!! lol. :)
Yeana - I am glad you had a good time at prom too!!! I am excitied for this mail you mentioned. :)
So APUSH - I thought it was a fair exam, it wasn't hard for me, but it wasn't easy either..... but its OVER!!!!! And thats all that realy matters. You will do great on the rest of your APs/IBs !!!!!
So my life, has been completely consumed by studying for APs. Legit - I would leave the house at 6:30 in the morning and not get back until 9 at night. I studied my a** off for APUSH and hopefully it paid off, but I will not know until i get my score (especially since we had a timing error where we were given less time on the mulitple choice)
But my Birthday -- oh, how I hate that day. Anywho, It was same-old same old. I got home at 9, my arents had already cut into a cake my friend had dropped of for me when I wasn't hope. They didn't get me anything..... I really thought that everyone forgot it was my birthday. Legit, like I understand why my friends could have because of APs but my family??? ... That just bothers me.
As I have mentioned before I have 2 core 'groups' of friends.... and no one seemed to remember my birthday, but one of them, the one with Sarah and Jillian (...idk if you remember me mentioning them) they threw me a surprise party Friday night (just 8 of us) but it really meant a lot.
I had been so busy, I had not had time to feel...as Yeana was saying. And your blog really resonated in me becasue I thought to this party I just mentioned and I was talking to sarah. She, like me, lost her grandfather, but hers was in September. And as sad as it sounds when we were sitting in my friends room ater I had opened my presents... I asked her if it got easier.... as in missing my grandather. She said that the 1st year is the hardest... and i get that. Because on Wednesday night, the messages that I was listening to, I kept thinking my grandfather's would be the next one... and then it never came. and it made me sad. So basically in the middle of this wonderful party being thrown for me, I bust out into tears, and luckily my friends were there... but (this applies to your post yeana) I kept apologizing about crying. And they said it was ok, that sometimes you feel what you do, and no matter what, you need to feel it. And I know that, you know? But at that moment, in that public place, I didn't ind it acceptable crying. And the sad part is that I know my friends were shocked to see me like this. I had never cried infront of them, and I think I reminded them that I am not 'Superwoman', waht they sometimes reer to me as. I think we all forget that we need to feel, no matter where we are...
-----so thank you Yeana, for your post.
As for Prom: It is on June 5th. What my school does for Junior Prom, is we rent out a cruise boat (only because they want to have control over when we get there and when we leave). So prior to that we really only have to do pictures because they serve dinner for us. (Atleast they do that... a ticket s $65). But pictures is going to be a stressor for me only because I have to got to atleast 2 different places, maybe 3, depending on what Loren's friends are planning. Which (from what he told me was nothing at this point). But then we have after parties to go to. I think we will wind up attending a backyard campout (with 1 group of friends) and the next day do a picnic at the local town park (with the other set of friends) - if this is what Loren is comfortable with.... I haven't talked to him because he has 1. AP Physics tomorrow and is freaking out over it. and 2. today was his 1st Mothers day without his Mom, so i can only imagine that it was a hard day for him and his family.... so thinks are better left until after, you know????
Well, I have homework to do, because I didn't do any this weekend.... whoops. Hopefully this satisies any questions you may have. All my love, I am always thinking about you, and missing you.
Rosie
Wendy - I love you, and your fuzzies, and I am so glad that you had a good time at prom!!!! I stalked you A LOT on facebook to see all the pictures.... :)
Tracy - Everything will work out, be yourself. We love you and want you to BLOG!!! lol. :)
Yeana - I am glad you had a good time at prom too!!! I am excitied for this mail you mentioned. :)
So APUSH - I thought it was a fair exam, it wasn't hard for me, but it wasn't easy either..... but its OVER!!!!! And thats all that realy matters. You will do great on the rest of your APs/IBs !!!!!
So my life, has been completely consumed by studying for APs. Legit - I would leave the house at 6:30 in the morning and not get back until 9 at night. I studied my a** off for APUSH and hopefully it paid off, but I will not know until i get my score (especially since we had a timing error where we were given less time on the mulitple choice)
But my Birthday -- oh, how I hate that day. Anywho, It was same-old same old. I got home at 9, my arents had already cut into a cake my friend had dropped of for me when I wasn't hope. They didn't get me anything..... I really thought that everyone forgot it was my birthday. Legit, like I understand why my friends could have because of APs but my family??? ... That just bothers me.
As I have mentioned before I have 2 core 'groups' of friends.... and no one seemed to remember my birthday, but one of them, the one with Sarah and Jillian (...idk if you remember me mentioning them) they threw me a surprise party Friday night (just 8 of us) but it really meant a lot.
I had been so busy, I had not had time to feel...as Yeana was saying. And your blog really resonated in me becasue I thought to this party I just mentioned and I was talking to sarah. She, like me, lost her grandfather, but hers was in September. And as sad as it sounds when we were sitting in my friends room ater I had opened my presents... I asked her if it got easier.... as in missing my grandather. She said that the 1st year is the hardest... and i get that. Because on Wednesday night, the messages that I was listening to, I kept thinking my grandfather's would be the next one... and then it never came. and it made me sad. So basically in the middle of this wonderful party being thrown for me, I bust out into tears, and luckily my friends were there... but (this applies to your post yeana) I kept apologizing about crying. And they said it was ok, that sometimes you feel what you do, and no matter what, you need to feel it. And I know that, you know? But at that moment, in that public place, I didn't ind it acceptable crying. And the sad part is that I know my friends were shocked to see me like this. I had never cried infront of them, and I think I reminded them that I am not 'Superwoman', waht they sometimes reer to me as. I think we all forget that we need to feel, no matter where we are...
-----so thank you Yeana, for your post.
As for Prom: It is on June 5th. What my school does for Junior Prom, is we rent out a cruise boat (only because they want to have control over when we get there and when we leave). So prior to that we really only have to do pictures because they serve dinner for us. (Atleast they do that... a ticket s $65). But pictures is going to be a stressor for me only because I have to got to atleast 2 different places, maybe 3, depending on what Loren's friends are planning. Which (from what he told me was nothing at this point). But then we have after parties to go to. I think we will wind up attending a backyard campout (with 1 group of friends) and the next day do a picnic at the local town park (with the other set of friends) - if this is what Loren is comfortable with.... I haven't talked to him because he has 1. AP Physics tomorrow and is freaking out over it. and 2. today was his 1st Mothers day without his Mom, so i can only imagine that it was a hard day for him and his family.... so thinks are better left until after, you know????
Well, I have homework to do, because I didn't do any this weekend.... whoops. Hopefully this satisies any questions you may have. All my love, I am always thinking about you, and missing you.
Rosie
Friday, May 7, 2010
azn sensation :]]]]
This is soo funny....I legit tried to post, but my computer spazzed and wouldn't let me. Thankfully my post was saved...but then I read Wendy's post and started laughing out loud. Honestly.
Well here's my original post:
_______________________________________________
I'm feeling really good right now because I'm more than halfway through my AP testing. Just one more on Monday and then I'm free. ^^
Also, the test that I was dreading has passed. (APUSH) I feel like a weight has been lifted from me.
I know we're all busy right now, but just one more week of testing and we're through! Hang in there, babes...
Lately I've been rediscovering the music of Green Day. When I was in middle school I was a huge Green Day fan; my brother listened to them a lot and I came to love their music, especially in 7th grade. But in 8th grade and until now, I sort of stopped listening to them and started exploring other music. It was only a few weeks ago that I remembered that Green Day still existed.
It's actually quite an interesting story...
A few weeks ago the priest at our church was doing a homily(sermon) for the children's mass. The high schoolers and middle/elementary schoolkids were celebrating together that day, so I was there to see this. Anyways, as he explained some of the finer points of the reading that morning, he mentioned a song by Green Day; 21 guns. He proceeded to pull out his iPhone and play the song for us. (Do we have the awesomest priest ever, or what? :] )
It'd been a few years since I'd listened to Green Day, and 21 guns was a new song for me, despite the fact that it had come out last year.
As the song came through the sound system, I remembered exactly why I loved Green Day. Their songs are first, easy to listen to, but more than that, they carry these universal meanings that everyone can relate to. Green Day is different from today's punk bands because they can write beautiful music. Maybe some people wouldn't define it as 'beautiful', but honestly, if you listen to the lyrics (moving past all of the references to drugs and sex that my parents, if they could understand half the song, would find offensive) it has the power to reach deep into your soul and make you feel. 21 guns...is pain.
I'm going through a phase where I'm discovering what feeling is again. My drama teacher always tells us that it's okay to feel things. At first I thought, of course we feel. When we laugh, we're happy. When we cry, we're sad. We all feel, don't we? I didn't really get what she was trying to tell us.
I'm still not completely sure, but I think I'm beginning to understand. We live in a world where apathy is the norm, where teenagers are forced to hide their tears, where people who don't cry are considered strong, where people have to disguise their emotions. I think actors are the only people who are allowed to be expressive and get away with it. This is the life we lead today. Humans are what they are; we have emotions and we need to let them show. But society condemns it all...there's something wrong with the world when a child has to claim she has allergic reactions to something in order to hide her tears, when a guy has to use the same excuse to show that he's not upset about something that would leave a "weaker" person bawling. It's so unhealthy to bottle up emotions, and even though everyone says that, no one really believes in it.
Onstage, we're allowed to feel things. A good actor doesn't act the part; we feel the part. We live the part. The character's emotions become our emotions, and the tears are real. We yell because that's what the character would do, we laugh because that's what they do. We feel.
That's my rant for now. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's okay to cry, it's okay to feel things. So feel. :]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And now I will really respond.
Tracy: You'll be fine. Maybe things are hard right now, but they always work out in the end. Don't fret; keep going. :]
Wendy: FUZZIES.
Also, prom. I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!! Max was the best date ever. :]] I think I had more fun because Francis brought Max's friend to prom, so it was like a little Charlie Brown reunion. :D We had dinner at a friend's house (potluck) and took a limo to prom. Unlike Wendy, we arrived really early...something I really liked about the place; they had a chocolate fountain with lots of goodies on the side to dip into the chocolate. Another fun incident; we had to take an elevator from the lobby to get up to the dance floor, and I assumed that it was on the top floor so I pressed the button for the top floor. When the door opened I saw that the dance WASN'T on the top floor...we had come out in the kitchens. After an awkward smile and a quick wave to the chefs, we hurried down to the 2nd floor where we spent the rest of the night.
You will all be receiving pictures in the mail... :]]
APUSH was not an easy test...I know I passed, though. :D I guess that's good enough at present. Wendy, you'll be fine. :] I took my SAT IIs last Saturday. Hopefully they're the last SATs I'll ever have to take...and you are definitely not the only one sitting on your butt going lalala...that's exactly what I'm doing right now. I should be studying for bio...but that can wait til tomorrow. :D
Rosanna I want to hear all about your birthday!!! AND your prom. When is it again?
Missing everyone,
Yeans
Well here's my original post:
_______________________________________________
I'm feeling really good right now because I'm more than halfway through my AP testing. Just one more on Monday and then I'm free. ^^
Also, the test that I was dreading has passed. (APUSH) I feel like a weight has been lifted from me.
I know we're all busy right now, but just one more week of testing and we're through! Hang in there, babes...
Lately I've been rediscovering the music of Green Day. When I was in middle school I was a huge Green Day fan; my brother listened to them a lot and I came to love their music, especially in 7th grade. But in 8th grade and until now, I sort of stopped listening to them and started exploring other music. It was only a few weeks ago that I remembered that Green Day still existed.
It's actually quite an interesting story...
A few weeks ago the priest at our church was doing a homily(sermon) for the children's mass. The high schoolers and middle/elementary schoolkids were celebrating together that day, so I was there to see this. Anyways, as he explained some of the finer points of the reading that morning, he mentioned a song by Green Day; 21 guns. He proceeded to pull out his iPhone and play the song for us. (Do we have the awesomest priest ever, or what? :] )
It'd been a few years since I'd listened to Green Day, and 21 guns was a new song for me, despite the fact that it had come out last year.
As the song came through the sound system, I remembered exactly why I loved Green Day. Their songs are first, easy to listen to, but more than that, they carry these universal meanings that everyone can relate to. Green Day is different from today's punk bands because they can write beautiful music. Maybe some people wouldn't define it as 'beautiful', but honestly, if you listen to the lyrics (moving past all of the references to drugs and sex that my parents, if they could understand half the song, would find offensive) it has the power to reach deep into your soul and make you feel. 21 guns...is pain.
I'm going through a phase where I'm discovering what feeling is again. My drama teacher always tells us that it's okay to feel things. At first I thought, of course we feel. When we laugh, we're happy. When we cry, we're sad. We all feel, don't we? I didn't really get what she was trying to tell us.
I'm still not completely sure, but I think I'm beginning to understand. We live in a world where apathy is the norm, where teenagers are forced to hide their tears, where people who don't cry are considered strong, where people have to disguise their emotions. I think actors are the only people who are allowed to be expressive and get away with it. This is the life we lead today. Humans are what they are; we have emotions and we need to let them show. But society condemns it all...there's something wrong with the world when a child has to claim she has allergic reactions to something in order to hide her tears, when a guy has to use the same excuse to show that he's not upset about something that would leave a "weaker" person bawling. It's so unhealthy to bottle up emotions, and even though everyone says that, no one really believes in it.
Onstage, we're allowed to feel things. A good actor doesn't act the part; we feel the part. We live the part. The character's emotions become our emotions, and the tears are real. We yell because that's what the character would do, we laugh because that's what they do. We feel.
That's my rant for now. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's okay to cry, it's okay to feel things. So feel. :]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And now I will really respond.
Tracy: You'll be fine. Maybe things are hard right now, but they always work out in the end. Don't fret; keep going. :]
Wendy: FUZZIES.
Also, prom. I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!! Max was the best date ever. :]] I think I had more fun because Francis brought Max's friend to prom, so it was like a little Charlie Brown reunion. :D We had dinner at a friend's house (potluck) and took a limo to prom. Unlike Wendy, we arrived really early...something I really liked about the place; they had a chocolate fountain with lots of goodies on the side to dip into the chocolate. Another fun incident; we had to take an elevator from the lobby to get up to the dance floor, and I assumed that it was on the top floor so I pressed the button for the top floor. When the door opened I saw that the dance WASN'T on the top floor...we had come out in the kitchens. After an awkward smile and a quick wave to the chefs, we hurried down to the 2nd floor where we spent the rest of the night.
You will all be receiving pictures in the mail... :]]
APUSH was not an easy test...I know I passed, though. :D I guess that's good enough at present. Wendy, you'll be fine. :] I took my SAT IIs last Saturday. Hopefully they're the last SATs I'll ever have to take...and you are definitely not the only one sitting on your butt going lalala...that's exactly what I'm doing right now. I should be studying for bio...but that can wait til tomorrow. :D
Rosanna I want to hear all about your birthday!!! AND your prom. When is it again?
Missing everyone,
Yeans
WHY ISN'T ANYONE BLOGGING!
Well THANKS to TRACY, who responded to my post. You are a jem, darling. :)
Anyways. You know how life can sometimes be a roller-coaster ride (ok, never mind--ALL THE TIME)? Well I think I've finally reached the top of the hill. :) Maybe it has to do with not going to school due to AP/IB testing, and maybe it's because I feel pounds and pounds of weights being lifted off my shoulders with each new day, but I FEEL GOOD. And happy.
So let's recap, shall we?
PROM. Last saturday. I'm sure you all have seen pictures on facebook. :P I had a group of 10 others to do the whole pre-prom ordeal. Took pictures, went out to dinner, arrived to prom about an hour and half late...hahah. Anyway. Basically when we got there, everyone was all grinding up on their dates and I think it made my date extremely uncomfortable. You know me, those things don't bother me--hell, I like to have fun too--but he doesn't really dance sooo...yeah. Can you say awkward? He would like, half-heartedly dance with me for one song, and then ditch me to accompany his best friend, who came without a date. Um, HELLO?! You're MY date, not HIS. Jeesh.
So he could definitely tell I was getting pissy, and he soon changed his ways. Hahah. We danced together the entire night, along with the other couples (it was so cute, I loved it) and I genuinely had lots of fun! I'm not going to lie though, I did restrain my "fun" a wholeee lot, because I didn't want to make him feel to uncomfortable, and I think that led to me not having as much fun as I wanted, you know? But I'm not going to complain, I had a better time than I thought I would, and I'm sooo glad I decided to give prom a chance this year. YEANA--I wanna hear about your experience!! :)
---Btw, Rosanna I hope you had a fabulous birthday!---
Anyhoo...So testing testing testing. I took my IB math exam, which for the most part was fairly easy. I know I at least passed, and that's all that matters to me at this point...at least I'm one step closer to getting my IB diploma...hehe. APUSH today wasn't that bad either, huh girlies? I'm not jinxing myself. Sooo many people are like, "Pfft that was so easy, I'm getting a five"---and I guarantee you half of them aren't even gonna pass...Sometimes people's confidence scares me. o.O But you ladies are smart. :D
So all I have are AP Bio (kill me now) and AP Lang & Comp next week. I'm feeling relaxed, not as stressed as I used to be. :)
But then again, after AP tests I have SAT IIs...and then after that I have the ACT...and then after that I get to go to CHINA!!
I can finally see my light at the end of the tunnel. It's really dim, though. But it's there. :)
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU GUYS. Y'all are probably studying your butts off and I'm sitting here being all "la la la laaaaa..."
I think I'm going crazy.
Ok. Write soon. Love you all.
<3 WENDY
Anyways. You know how life can sometimes be a roller-coaster ride (ok, never mind--ALL THE TIME)? Well I think I've finally reached the top of the hill. :) Maybe it has to do with not going to school due to AP/IB testing, and maybe it's because I feel pounds and pounds of weights being lifted off my shoulders with each new day, but I FEEL GOOD. And happy.
So let's recap, shall we?
PROM. Last saturday. I'm sure you all have seen pictures on facebook. :P I had a group of 10 others to do the whole pre-prom ordeal. Took pictures, went out to dinner, arrived to prom about an hour and half late...hahah. Anyway. Basically when we got there, everyone was all grinding up on their dates and I think it made my date extremely uncomfortable. You know me, those things don't bother me--hell, I like to have fun too--but he doesn't really dance sooo...yeah. Can you say awkward? He would like, half-heartedly dance with me for one song, and then ditch me to accompany his best friend, who came without a date. Um, HELLO?! You're MY date, not HIS. Jeesh.
So he could definitely tell I was getting pissy, and he soon changed his ways. Hahah. We danced together the entire night, along with the other couples (it was so cute, I loved it) and I genuinely had lots of fun! I'm not going to lie though, I did restrain my "fun" a wholeee lot, because I didn't want to make him feel to uncomfortable, and I think that led to me not having as much fun as I wanted, you know? But I'm not going to complain, I had a better time than I thought I would, and I'm sooo glad I decided to give prom a chance this year. YEANA--I wanna hear about your experience!! :)
---Btw, Rosanna I hope you had a fabulous birthday!---
Anyhoo...So testing testing testing. I took my IB math exam, which for the most part was fairly easy. I know I at least passed, and that's all that matters to me at this point...at least I'm one step closer to getting my IB diploma...hehe. APUSH today wasn't that bad either, huh girlies? I'm not jinxing myself. Sooo many people are like, "Pfft that was so easy, I'm getting a five"---and I guarantee you half of them aren't even gonna pass...Sometimes people's confidence scares me. o.O But you ladies are smart. :D
So all I have are AP Bio (kill me now) and AP Lang & Comp next week. I'm feeling relaxed, not as stressed as I used to be. :)
But then again, after AP tests I have SAT IIs...and then after that I have the ACT...and then after that I get to go to CHINA!!
I can finally see my light at the end of the tunnel. It's really dim, though. But it's there. :)
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU GUYS. Y'all are probably studying your butts off and I'm sitting here being all "la la la laaaaa..."
I think I'm going crazy.
Ok. Write soon. Love you all.
<3 WENDY
Sunday, May 2, 2010
SUN FUZZIES!
my friend hannah & I are going to name our group SUN FUZZIES C:
seeing wendy's need for fuzzies reminded me of that (:
It's nice to know that all of us check the blog all the time even if we can't post all the time :'D
wendylove, thankyou.
& love, ohmys ):
all of you are reaching your breaking points because of school ):
Although I think what I've done certainly helps, I don't want to advise you all to do what I've done because quite honestly, my path (LOL, Jedi?) severely limits your options in the future.
I've come to acknowledge that I just don't fare too well in the school system.
All I want is to be happy, and although money would be nice to have in abundance in the future, it's certainly not all that I need. I think I can be happy so long as I have enough.
But I got a little carried away at one point and I nearly stopped caring about school altogether- luckily I got set back on the right path
Maybe not the A path,
or even the B path
but I like to think I'll fare better in College.
College will be easier ladies:
I'm selfish, so I can't sacrifice friends for sleep and therefore my grades have been suffering.
It is beyond an asian fail, it's a take-again-next-year fail LOL.
wow, do you all go to Junior Prom? O:!
I love seeing pictures of my ladies all glammed up (:
your "depressing excuse for a blog post" lets us know that you're alive, and although you're having a bit of trouble (which we need to know! we love you <3) you're still somewhat sane ;D
Love Always,
tracy.
seeing wendy's need for fuzzies reminded me of that (:
It's nice to know that all of us check the blog all the time even if we can't post all the time :'D
wendylove, thankyou.
& love, ohmys ):
all of you are reaching your breaking points because of school ):
Although I think what I've done certainly helps, I don't want to advise you all to do what I've done because quite honestly, my path (LOL, Jedi?) severely limits your options in the future.
I've come to acknowledge that I just don't fare too well in the school system.
All I want is to be happy, and although money would be nice to have in abundance in the future, it's certainly not all that I need. I think I can be happy so long as I have enough.
But I got a little carried away at one point and I nearly stopped caring about school altogether- luckily I got set back on the right path
Maybe not the A path,
or even the B path
but I like to think I'll fare better in College.
College will be easier ladies:
- sleep. a lot more. one reason I do miserably in a lot of classes is because I fall asleep through all of them.
I'm selfish, so I can't sacrifice friends for sleep and therefore my grades have been suffering.
It is beyond an asian fail, it's a take-again-next-year fail LOL.
wow, do you all go to Junior Prom? O:!
I love seeing pictures of my ladies all glammed up (:
your "depressing excuse for a blog post" lets us know that you're alive, and although you're having a bit of trouble (which we need to know! we love you <3) you're still somewhat sane ;D
Love Always,
tracy.
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