From the Corners of the US

:DD

2011-09-12T06:35:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!!

I hope y'all are doing swimmingly in college or in preparation for it. It has indeed been a very, very long time.

I hope everyone is still reading. :[

I'm sitting in my room at Cornell, doing some homework after breakfast. It's cryptology - a course I'm taking to get out of a math requirement, and it's still kicking my butt. I feel like I might have been better off just taking a regular math class rather than a kind-of-a-math-class. Oh well.

My other classes are Tonal Theory I, Musicianship I, British Literature: Animals, Monsters, and Aliens, Dance Technique I (<- this is for a PE requirement. =.=), and Intro to Acting. My favorite is Tonal Theory- the professor is British and he's a very, very charming man. :] I like listening to him talk. I also like watching him bounce back and forth between the piano and the computer. He's a very lively man who's clearly in love with his subject. I love learning from people like him.

In other news, I don't know if Cornell is the place for me.

I know I want to get into performance, and if I want to go through with this, then I feel like I should transfer out to the city, or at least to LA. I don't know what to do...I've only been here for a few weeks. I want to talk to a professor or two and the dean but I feel kind of awkward doing that. "Hey, I just got into your school and I want to go somewhere else. Can you help me?" For some reason I don't think the dean will like that very much.

I also figure that I should start putting together a portfolio of monologues and songs/pieces that I know how to do/sing/play. If I do end up applying to another school, preferably a performing school, then they'll certainly look for that.

Any advice, ladies? :[

I miss all of you.

I miss having Wendy as my roommate. I think I'm realizing more and more now what a special bond the four of us had, how lucky we were to find each other and to bond so quickly and tightly in just the first few days. I don't really have that here. My roommate is a graduate student (don't ask...it's a long, looooong story) and my friends are all so busy that I really only see them if I call them or text them to go eat. :/ I wish I had a best friend here.

It's kind of like that with my family. I think that you miss something most when you don't have it anymore. For the first week and a half I missed my Mom so much that I couldn't take a call or a text from her without starting to cry. Things are a lot better now, but just a few days ago, they weren't that great.

But I got into a singing group on campus. :] Everyone is very welcoming and quirky. I think all of the guys except for two are gay. Maybe three. I lose count. Anywhoo, I think it's a group of people I will come to love, given some time.

I'll give a shoutout if I can ever make the bus to NYC. I miss you and love you all very, very much. I hope you're all having a wonderful time, wherever you are. I love you.

<3, Yeana

College O:

2011-09-08T23:24:00.000-07:00

It's been a while- why?

Admittedly, I stopped writing first :(

Last I checked, we were all in a hurry 'cause of college apps...now that they're over and we're all in college, what's up?

-Tracy

Happy :]

2011-02-06T09:20:00.000-08:00

Hello my ladies!

It's been a whileee and I feel bad for not blogging, especially since I've been so carefree lately. Hahah. Being a second semester senior ROCKS but the whole senioritis thing does get on my nerves sometime. IB is still killing me but it's just something I've always had to deal with. Tennis season has started up and my first match is Tuesday! I have really been enjoying the season because we've been doing a lot more conditioning this year and I just feel so fit now! It makes me feel good. :]

Anyway, a lot of drama has been going on, things with boys, friends, boys AND friends, and the like. As you guys probably know by now, I have a boyfriend now! :]]]]]
Most of the drama has been circling around him, as I also found out recently that one of my best friends who liked last year still has feelings for him....trust me, you don't want me to go into it. Very complicated, but things are fine now. At least I think so. It may sound selfish that I'm in the relationship and not her, but if you know the situation and her personality, you would think otherwise. ;P

So I had a greattt date last night! We went to Chili's and then ice-skating!! I'm so glad he took me ice-skating because it was just so personal, you know? I'm extremely happy now and determined to make this relationship work! I'm not going to cut it off like I have with previous ones. This one is REAL, I just know it!

Other than that, not much has been going on! Blog, girls! And we should all skype sometimes!

<3 you all!
WENDY

Hello!!

2011-01-03T15:49:00.000-08:00

Hello Ladies!

Sorry that it has been so long since I last blogged. Life has been crazy, as it has been for all of us I am sure!!

College apps are done for me as well, thank the lord. And now it is a waiting game. I have been accepted into 3 colleges on early action plans with scholarship, so I have somewhere to go, if I do not get into my top school.

Life for me has been aggrivating and busy... and I agree with Wendy - it seems as if the entire world has become materialistic, which bothers me. But I need to keep positive energy or I will be boggled down with negative thoughts.

Life has been crazy, and it is only going to get more so. I just finished the Melodies of Christmas, a huge production done on a broadway size stage in a major city west of Albany, I did it last year, but I think that it was so much better this year! And, I am going to sound petty, but I got more camera time this year than I did last year!! (It is recorded all four nights and then broadcasted christmas eve and day). Many clubs, and what not.. it seems like there is not enough time in the day.... I wrote a paper in spanish about why there should be 48 hour days - think of all the sleep we could have as well as how much work we could get done!!

Tryout for the musical are this week! We are doing the Music Man, and I have a part in mind, but don't want to get my hopes up! I also applied and recieved a music apprenticeship with Albany's professional adult chior. I am so excited!!! There were 75 applicants and only 10 made it.

What else? I am trying to think... I feel like so much is going on that if I think about it all, I am just going to feel overwhelmed. So, what about you all???

I am excited to hear from you, but know that my midterms are coming up at the end of January, so I am going to become dormant again, for a bit (maybe).

Love to you all and I hope that you all had lovely holidays and have a wonderful start to a great new year!!!

Love,
Rosie

azn sensazn? :D

2010-12-31T20:06:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

SUPER BIG CONGRATS TO THE ROOMIE-WENDY GUGU. FOR FINISHING APPS AND ALSO FOR GETTING INTO GEORGETOWN. YOU ARE A BEAST, WOMAN. GO PLAY AND HAVE FUN!!!!!!! ^0^ :] you totally deserve it-getting in and going out playing. :D

I also finished apps. :D

Where is everyone else? :'[

Done.

2010-12-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

I am finished with my college applications.

My life is somewhat complete now.

Even though I have to wait three months for the decisions...

....but I don't even care at this point.

I've spent the past three, almost four, years of my life working up to this day....

I'M FINALLY FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Just wanted you guys to be ones of the first to know. <3 you all.

WENDY

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-26T11:36:00.001-08:00

I know I am a day late, but I hope everyone had a blessed Christmas! :]

It bothers me that materialistic presents are what everyone cares about these days. Regardless of your religion, Christmas is nonetheless a holiday for family and love. People are too selfish these days. It disgusts me.

I don't know why, but I've been feeling very cynical these past few days. I just feel like everyone around me is so immature and just plain DUMB. Maybe I'm in the wrong, but who knows?

Anyhoo, it was great hearing from you, Yeana! My break started this past Thursday and I am so excited first semester is finally over!! I recently found out that I have been accepted to the School of Foreign Service at Georgetown! I am just thrilled, because now at least I know I am going to attend a top college no matter what. I have three schools left, and have to finish by Jan. 1st. I know it seems like a very short time to finish everything, but I have confidence in myself.

This school year is moving by so quickly; it seems unreal! I can't wait to finally relax during second semester. The IB work will be killer, but at least I won't have college apps looming over my head.

Alright! I hope to hear from all of you soon. I miss you all soooo much!
Once I'm done with these apps, I'll have more time to blog. :]

<3 you!
WENDY

:D

2010-12-19T18:43:00.000-08:00

Hello ladies!!

How was first semester for everyone? How are college apps going? I still have many left so I'm racing to finish those :[ HOW IS EVERYONE???

I am on my first weekend of break! Sadly, sickness has decided to visit me now and confine me to my bed. w00t.

Anyways finals sucked. I literally could not understand half of my Spanish final so I'm excited to see what that will do to my grade. Everything else was okay-ish though so I think I'll be safe for a large portion of my classes.

Winter formal was amazing! Pictures are on my facebook for y'all to see. :] My date got into Stanford on early action (;LGAKHDLKFJAD) so my parents were thrilled. lolz. As if I'm going to marry him or something. Anywhoo, the DJ was awesome so the music was great - none of these super weird rap songs that nobody can dance to. I mean, if you like that kind of music go ahead and listen to it, but at a dance? really.

How are you guys doing? :[ sorry about not posting very much...hopefully that will change with second semester :D

love, love, and even more love,
Yeans

HELLO! :]

2010-12-09T18:20:00.000-08:00

Hey girls! I've missed you all sooooo much. :(
Been going through some ups and downs, and right now, I don't even know where I'm at anymore.
Just went through a period of MAJOR STRESS; a bunch of IB papers were due last week and it was just HORRID. The work load has calmed down a bit, so I am greatly thankful. For now, I am focusing on my college apps. I have three done (lol), and should be sending in two more this weekend. I HEAR FROM GEORGETOWN NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!! I applied Early Action to the School of Foreign Service, lol. *sigh* I am extremely anxious right now and it's the only thing on my mind. Honestly, it's not even my "top choice" but I feel like this decision is the turning point of my high school career...if I get accepted, I'll have a new found confidence that will push me through the rest of my apps....if I get deferred, I'll feel miserable, because honestly, if I can't even get into Georgetown, Harvard and Yale become basically jokes. Get my logic here?!
So I'm freaking out, being anal retentive about EVERYTHING that has to do with college.
I am honestly not expecting an acceptance this upcoming week, but it would sure help the rollercoaster I'm living now. Lol.

Moving on. Things have been unchanged, really. I'm trying to enjoy my senior year while handling all of this. Marching band season is now over (sad face) and back to training for tennis season (fail).

I want to hear from you guys! How have you guys been??

Miss you so much!
<3 WENDY

HAPPPPPPY[belated]BIRTHDAYYY!

2010-11-09T21:04:00.000-08:00

Oh my wendy love!

I'm so sorry I missed your wednesday D':
Yesterday when I got home I went on facebook for just a moment before I crashed and fell asleep :(

Congrats on 18 babe,
& I saw your homecourt(?) picture- You look gorgeous as always (;

BY THE WAY. I ADORE YOUR DRESSES. THEY ALL LOOK FABULOUS ON YOU.

I can't help but wonder if you went to disney land :'D

Love Always,
Tracy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENDY!!!!!!!

2010-11-08T18:52:00.000-08:00

WEN, oh my Wen,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! You are now 18, which means you can vote (you missed election day by a week!) and you can buy cigs, so go do that basically becasue you can.

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you
Hapy Birthday dear Wendy
Happy Birthday to you!!!

I love and miss you tons!

Rosie

HEY GUYS!

2010-10-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

So, I have been in a much better mood since my last post.
That was just...depressing. Lol.

I am happier now. I've taken my LAST SAT, and I am confident that I reached my goal. :]
Also, I just had my first college interview today...and guess for which college?!

GEORGETOWN!

I talked about NSLC, and how I found out about the college through a tour during the camp. ^.^
Ahhh, nostalgia!

I'm applying to their School of Foreign Service. It's extremelyyy competitive, so I doubt I'll get in. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed! As far as college apps go, I haven't "finished" any of them. Most of my friends are almost done, since the state universities' deadlines are Nov. 1st. *sigh* I'm guessing all of us are going to be working until Jan. 1st, though? -__-

Anyhoo. Other than that, life has been less stressful. School hasn't been too bad, and we are having a great marching band season! We just had our first competition and qualified for State semifinals! I am SO excited for that.

Hmm, what else...
Oh, Homecoming is next month. One of my good guy friends asked me today, and I said no. :/ I feel like such a JERK for rejecting him, but really, I wasn't even planning on going with a date. And I don't really like him, like that...
He's liked me a while, so I figured, if I said yes, I would just be leading him on. I don't want to do that.
But now I feel really horrible, because he's so sweet. *sigh*

So that's meee, lately. I want to hear from you guys!
Miss you all!

<3 <3 <3
WENDY

FIGHT-O!

2010-10-05T20:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Rosie-anna,

Yeah, school is hitting me unexpectantly hard O:!

& goodness! FIGHT-O IN AP ENGLISH D':
I understand what you mean about how it's wonderful and the class goes by like THAT. But at the same time there's so very much work :'D Last year I disappointed myself handing in a lackluster essay or two because I simply could not put together my schedule to fit everything and that made me quite sad D':

Best of luck in your auditions \(^0^)/

& rosanna.... it's a big world out there. Although I think you should resolve any issues laura has with you- I also think you shouldn't let it bug you too much.

The same to Wendy.
I'm honestly surprised. I didn't know that there could be such a big difference between schools.
In my school... a lot of people have a stick up their ass. (not you. don't worry. you're very chill compared to their ravings.)
So wendy love, you're actually just like a lot of normal people at my school! yay! & your mindset about it all being over once you get through the apps is exactly like mine. I've told firends that i wont have much time to be with them until after apps- and they all understand because they're all doing the same things.
the interesting thing is, even my friends outside of school understand- they know how improtant college is to me and they don't question it. they just tell me to call them after i finish so we can party (though i don't htink i'll be doing that nonetheless, they party rather hardcore >__>)

but yeah.
ladies,
FIGHT-O.
don't let it bother you too much, 'cause we're all troopers.

Love Always,
Tracy

Hi from Lando.

2010-10-02T20:12:00.001-07:00

Hi ladies!

I've been missing you guys a lot lately. People don't really "get" me down here.
I don't know how to explain this feeling I have right now. I guess it's a feeling of loneliness. Idk, I feel like I don't really have anyone to rely on these days. My friends keep on disappointing me. See, lately I've been focusing a lot on college apps and SAT studying. I keep on telling them, after Jan. 1st, all this hell well be over, and I will be able to relax. Most of them don't get it though, because they're only applying to like, 2 Florida schools, whose due dates are as early as Nov.1. So they're all fine and dandy but I CAN'T do that. I'm applying to like 10 schools, all out of state. They're not applications that I can just slap together; I have to work hard, and I have to make sacrifices. My friends don't understand that. And some of them humiliate me just because I can't hang out on a Friday night. It's ridiculous, and I'm so tired of it. I tell myself that it'll all be worth it at the end, but then I always feel left out or lonely when my friends are out doing whatever, thinking I'm some loner who just studies all night long. I mean, they must think that about me.
I don't know why it affects me, because I know it shouldn't. I know my expectations, my priorities. I want to settle for something much bigger than what most people here would settle for. It's hard getting there, though, and I don't have the support I need.

I don't know, I just feel really emo right now, hahah. I was fine these last couple weeks, until one of my best friends said yesterday that I have a "sad life". That's just...I don't know even what it is.

I don't live a sad life though. I'm very happy. I have a great family, and I actually do something with my life. I have passions and aspirations. I don't just sit around watching Taiwanese dramas all day. I just think it's ridiculous how my friends think that just because I don't have time to party means that my life is "sad".

I need some help, guys. I don't even know what to do anymore. I mean, is all of this even worth it?

Hope to hear you girls soon.

<3 WENDY

It Has Been A While

2010-09-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

Hey Girlies!!

I am sorry that I haven't blogged lately, school picked right up starting the first day... so I am going to update you on the happenings!

Tracy- It was nice to hear from you! Hopefully you can write another post soon! And that is awesome about ED!! I have a friend that goes there and loves it!

Yeane & Wendy - I hope that everything has been going well! I am constantly thinking of the three of you!

So here's what's up with me:

I am a tad stressed. So I planned on taking some challenging courses this year, some medium courses, and then some mad easy courses. But this didn't exactly work out the way I had thought it would....

AP Gov/Eco and AP Stats - check.
Physics/Spanish 5/Chorus - check.
Easy english classes, Sociology. no check

So I was supposed to cop out on enlgish this year, well that failed. My schedule was all messed up. So I went to my not-so-helpful guidance counselor and talked to her to see what I could do. I would up transffering into Reading Literature, an english class that I get college credit for. Wwll, I do not l=know what this teacher was on becasue that class was 9th grade level. I read this really god, but long and dull summer reading book and we spent the first seven days goin over plot, summary, setting and characterization. WTF?!?!?!?! So I talked to the English Supervisor and discssed transffering up into AP Englsih, which is all fine and dandy, I just transffered into the class today and know my teacher well, but I am drowing in make-up work. I ahve to read 3 of their summer reading books, write 2 essays and lead a group discussion on a book i haven't read yet... wonderful. But I wouldn't trade it for anything, I am just complaning to complain at the moment.
And for Sociology, I just had to give, so instead I am going to one of my districts elementary schools a few times a week second semester and teaching them Spanish! I am sooooo excited!

I am college visitng /app-ing like nobody's buisness! I am travelling to Penn to look at 4 schools in October, I want to apply to about 15 right now, so I got to get that list down!! I want (for now) to major in Buisness Admin / management and Education (secondary) Hopefully it will get me to where I need to be in life!

Other than that, I have 3 auditions in the next to weeks and I am applying for this internship vocal thing, which onyl accepts 8 highschoolers. ugh :/

Laura avoids me like the plague in the hallway, but I am over it, I just wish that she would be becasue we share the same friends, well, some of them at least.

On that note, got to go read. I know I basically told you nothing, but hey, what can I do? I will write more after you all blog!!

love you!

Rosie

SENIORIFFIC!

2010-09-18T22:02:00.000-07:00

you know, I think we keep putting off blogging because there's simply so much to say- and the words just keep building up.
if anything, that's what always happens to me >__>

hello ladies (:

I miss you all /:

My schedule for school is simply senioriffic...lol
I have the first four periods of school free, as well as the tenth period
i usually spent two or three of those frees hanging out in a teacher's classroom- he's extremely awesome and I learn a lot just hanging around him so yay
I've been staying on top of all of my things to do :'D

and ohnoes
the dreaded: COLLEGE ESSAY GAH

the draft is due this monday in my lit class TT v TT

I'm thinking of applying ED to a SUNY, Stony brook
Anybody considering applying to somewhere nearby?
(nearby = 2 hours or so apart (': )

Some words are better than no words,
Tracy

Hello from Lando!

2010-08-21T21:22:00.000-07:00

Hi, my beautiful ladies! I have successfully finished my first week of school.
JEEZ.

School is...school. I'm *kinda* excited about senior year, but not really. Haha. Apparently IB is complete hell this year, and added with college apps and extracurriculars, I'm prepared for a wholee lotta breakdowns.
I tell myself though, just one more semester, and I'm free (well, kinda). If other people can do it, so can I! I try to give myself motivational boosts. Sometimes it works and sometimes it just utterly fails.

ANYHOO.

My summer was fantastic. I did an internship at NBA China in the business development/marketing department and absolutely LOVED it. It was just the atmosphere I wanted. People there were so worldly, so motivated and just smart! I loved everything about Beijing. Yeana, I was also thinking about studying International Law...I want to study international ANYTHING, really. I kind of even want to be a diplomat in the future.
Idk, my time in Beijing just really opened my eyes. I can't really explain it. I'm going to have to in my personal statement, because I want to incorporate my experience there in my college essay. I just need to find the right angle...and the right words to express it. *sigh*

So Land O' Lakes is realllly boring. I'm kinda sorta looking for a boyfriend too. I actually met this really cool guy at band camp. He's one of the instructors, but mainly helps me with my conducting. He just graduated and goes to a nearby state university. He was drum major of his band too, and is a FANTASTIC conductor. I'm very lucky to have him help me! I just had a great time with him at camp; he's so down to earth and cute! Hehehe. We'll see how things go with him...

Alright, in response to y'alls posts...

Yeana, I am deeply sorry that you hurt your ankle. :( Is it getting better?? It must suck to miss out on you senior season, but I think you should stay with the team anyway, even if it is to be just manager. You've put so much hard work into volleyball in these last few years that you deserve to stay on the team...even if you're not on the court. However, I wish you a speedy recovery and that you miraculously heal before the season starts. Don't lose hope!! I'm glad that you had a good time at Stanford, btw. :D

Tracy, I miss you so much. I know you need your time, but I reallly want to help you. I feel useless when you're going through all these problems and I'm just sitting here, doing nothing. Please talk to me if you ever need to. Really. <3

Rosanna, your initiative in your extra creds are going to SHINE in your college apps! I envy your passion. As for the friends issue...be friends with who you WANT to be friends with, not just those who you feel like you SHOULD be friends with. If you truly trust someone, tell them. People are people. Though I do find traditional students a bit less mature than the IB students in our school, if you have found a genuine friend, then it doesn't matter what classes they take.

As with me, I am just taking one day at a time. I'm realllly stressing about college. I desperately need to start working on my essays. How far along are you guys, btw? It's only August but I feel so behind, haha.

Blahh. I've been psycho these days. Summer was too short.

I miss you guys terribly. :(

Write soon!

<3 WENDY

I wish I had a trade mark title ....

2010-08-17T21:19:00.000-07:00

Hey ladies!!!

So I have been checking up and reading all of your blogs and what not. And, of course, I have some repsonses!

Yeana - I am thrilled that you had such a good time in Stanford, and I saw albums with you and Cynthia! I am so sorry about your ankle, that sucks. And I understand what you are saying about a little piece of you dying inside and it hurting, but I have a feeling that volleyball is way too important for you to dump to the side. Just do what your heart tells you, Don't let the important things go, ok? And when do you start school (if you haven't already)? And isn't your birthday coming up?

Tracy - What do you mean when you say that you removed yourself from society? becasue that is cause for concern (in my mind atleast). So whats the haps??? I want to know what is new and exciting (or maybe not so new nor exciting :/) in your life! :)

Wendy - You are almost halfway done with your first week of school. You got this girlie! Hang in there, it will be the weekend soon enough!

As for me....

I am already planning school year extra-cirriculars, and even stuff for next summer! As I have told Wendy, I have been a tad stressed out about a few things, but as the school year seems to be quickly appraoching, I am learning just to take everything in stride. But my schedule is cause for concern, probably like your guys' are. My acedemic schedule was flipped upside down this summer because of scheduleing issues and my idiot guidance counselor, but what else is new? Extra-cirricular wise, I have a feeling I have over extended myself a tad. But I think that is all part of life. No? On top of everything I did last year (I really don't want to list them) I have added paino lessons, planning of E.C. Camp (special needs) fundraisers and re-vamping, basically the entire camp with the program director (I am her assistant) becasue it is the 10th Aniversary next year!
Have you guys heard of Rachel's Challenge? Well, if not, it stems from the first victim of the columbine shooting, Rachel Scott, and how she knew, even then, that she would touch, and change the world somehow. Even after her death over 10 years ago, she still is touching the lives of people today through the program her parents set up; racheal's Challenge. This program came to my school 2 years ago, and many service clubs have started becasue of it. Well, the woman who I run EC Camp with, she approached me about doing something like this but at my elementary school. She wanted to start a service club called the Kindness Club, where we will join the school community, but hopefully our geographical communtiy as well. So I am going back to elementary school to start this club! And I am actually very excited about it!!

College is college, I am visiting schools like no tomorrow, but I fell in love with one school, Holy Cross. It is a small liberal arts school and I just have that feeling, but I know that I probably shouldn't be set on it. But too bad, for now, nothing I have visited has topped it so it is staying at the top of my list.

During my play over the summer, I got very close to someone I have known since freshman year, but was never more than a 'friend'. And now I am glad to say that we are very close and she is helping me understand and put everything in perspective with the friends I think I have lost. I am actually going up to her house in the Adirondacks for a bit at the end of the week! But while the stuff she has made me realize is 100% true, I am still having trouble moving on becasue I want to know what happened with this other group. I am not one to just pick up and be ok with it and move on, After all these 'friends' are the kids I have all my AP classes with, they are the ones that I will have to deal with all year because the other friend group I have got closer to aren't exactly in my classes, they are in the Honors courses, one level underneath me, And I don;t mind that at all, please don't take it that way, but I am confused in if I should approach certain people and talk to them about how I am feeling or just let it go and take this year as it comes. Becasue I want to do the latter, I really do, my mind is telling me to, but my heart is telling me not to becasue it doesn't know if I can take the heartbreak all over again,

So I think that is it from me... I feel like I just vocalized everything that has been whizzing through out my head the last few weeks.

I want to hear from all of you so please, BLOG!!!

With Love,

Rosie

a hey and a ho from californi-o

2010-08-15T22:57:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

In between catching up on summer homework that should have been done a long time ago, looking at but not working on college applications, and freaking out about life, I've found time to write. :]

I hope everyone is doing well...

Anyways, I was in Stanford for three weeks and saw Cynthia! It was nice seeing her after a year...I wish you guys had been there, too.

We learned a lot about law; it wasn't like last year at all. I think last year we just learned about the process of mock trial; this year we learned about various types of law and a few things you can do with a law degree. I'm reconsidering law...I still don't want to be a lawyer, but after learning about international law and the international criminal court, I'm really reconsidering. It sounds like a way to really help the world. I just need to go to law school, get the grades I need, and learn French. =.= Chinese won't hurt, either. Sigh.

------

While I was at Stanford I ran a lot; our coach told us that we needed a mile of under 8 minutes, so I was training for that. But while I was out running, I sprained my ankle- really badly. It's been almost a month since I injured it and it's still not back to normal. I talked to my coach...and he won't let me play, much less try out.

I feel like a piece of my heart just disappeared; I've played for the past three years, and it's my senior year now. I wanted so much to celebrate my senior year with a great season...we had plans to work hard and go to states together, to have a kick-ass season, to win our senior night game. Now the other girls will do that...without me.

My coach told me that I could help out the team as a manager of sorts...but every time I see the girls playing without me, I feel emptier and emptier inside. It just...hurts.

I don't know what to do.

-------

On a side note, I'm still looking for a boifraand.

-------

Keep writing, ladies...I always do check back.

Love,
Yeana

mudpies

2010-08-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Ladies,

I haven't known what to say.
& honestly, I've been living in a mudhole away from the rest of the world for a while.
But I promised myself to pull out of it tomorrow and reconnect with people, and I would like to start early with my lovely fifth floor ladies (':

China and Alaska sounded wonderful ;__;
I wonder if it's the location that induces the euphoria
or really just the feeling of escape from where we live
an escape from everything in our lives to somewhere unfamiliar that entices us
Someone in China might find life dull and mind numbingly hectic
and a vacation in Florida might be paradise to them

Rosie-anna,
I did however read the post about your family friend.
I haven't found god yet.
But my heart certainly went out to them.
It still does, and my heart continually goes out to all of you.

Ladies, I took two weeks off from society.
I think another two weeks to gradually return will give me enough time to put what I need to say in words to the important ladies in my life.

I'm not ready to return to people in general
but sometimes things have to be done whether you're ready or not- right?
Tracy

Quick hello from LOL!

2010-08-04T21:49:00.001-07:00

In response to Rosanna's facebook wall post...
I AM ALIVE!

You just may not think so since I'm at band camp 90% of the day! LOL.
But seriously. Band has consumed my life and taken every ounce of energy in my body.

I LOVE IT THOUGH.
It makes me feel happy, and even though I have less time to do work, ironically I feel less stressed.

I MISS YOU ALL! I know we're all busy with our summers, but please check in once in a while!

This is a quick post, but I'll post a longer one when camp ends. :D

LOVE YOUUUU.

<3 WENDY

A Request....

2010-07-25T11:48:00.000-07:00

I don't know if any of you read my blog, but the dear family friend passed away. Please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers, he had 3 sons ...
Thank you.
R

Dearies

2010-07-24T07:02:00.001-07:00

Hello!

In response to your blogs:

Yeana - I do in fact believe that humans can have the ability to sense something, similarly to a 6th sense. I know that when someone I am close to is going through something hard for them, I will just have a feeling I need to text or call them becasue I know something is up. I don;t know if that is what you mean, but that is how I take it. And I want to read/see your script/play!! It is a great idea!

Tracy - I know you are a busy girl, but BLOG!!! I worry about you and I enjoy reading your blogs, i can hear your voice in my head :) What's new?

Wendy - Welcome home!! Unless you are reading this on your trip back. I am glad that you had a fab. time in China, but the US needs you :)

As for me....

Alaska was great, it truely is one of my favorite places I have ever visited (which isn't saying all that much, but nevertheless) I loved it there! It was so nice and the air was crisp and clean, no humidity or anything like that! I have a partial album on facebook if you would like to browse...

As for the daytime, I am now babysitting my butt off, which has its pros and cons, but hey, it is a job, and a good paying one nonetheless!

As for the musical, I am in the production of Once on this Island. It is a good show and this is my second time doing it. A lot of my friend friends are doing it and it is so nice to spend time with them doing what we love. I am just a storyteller, but the understudy for all the female leads.... ahh! :) But, as I am sure all of you know, there are divas in the show. And there is one that I have done community theatre with before and she keeps throwing backhanded comments about my singing to me thinking I won't pick up on them..... ugh, I hate divas, they are so annoying.

I try to keep myself busy to keep my mind off the bad stuff, but it always creeps up.

The day that I returned from Alaska my mom told me that a very very good family friend was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer of the stomach and they aren't hopeful of his survivial. They give him a few months, hopefully. If you could just keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers? It seems it always happens to the nicest and most generous people.
I think, as stupid as it sounds, that it hurts me personally that cancer is taking another person I love away from me. I know that is personalizing it too much, but still. #4 this year.....

And then the friends problems still continue. I have my moments of having a good time and feeling so included, but more often than not, I feel left out and disconnected. I am having a crisis of what to do and no matter the advice I am given or the actions I take based on that advice, it doesn't seem to be getting better. So I am at a loss of what to do. I would rather that these 'friends' just walk up to me and say their grievances and then let us both move forward, but they won't so we can't, and moreso I can't.

But I have finished my college resume, and am on the 3rd draft of my main essay for applications so i am kind of on the way..... I am rethinking everything I think I want to do every day. I want to work with kids but I also want to work with adults, so the only thing that I can come up with is highschool principal, but is that what I want to do? All I know is that I want to be a wife and a mother, but sadly, there is no college major in which that can be accomplished. I will probs double in education and buisness admin. I know, they are opposite and different, but I am just lost on this, and basically everything in life right now........

BLOG!!!

Yeana, i hope volleyball tryouts go well!!

Love you all!
Rosie

Hello from China!

2010-07-06T07:38:00.000-07:00

Mua ha ha...how do I mysteriously get on pages such as our blog and facebook, you ask? o.O
NOT TELLING YOU.

Lol, j/k. ^.^ My aunt has a company VPN (I don't know what it is exactly, just a program I guess) so I use her laptop when I'm at home to check out all the sites the Great Firewall of China doesn't allow. :D

Anyway, I should get to sleep soon because I have work tomorrow, but I need to respond to your posts and update y'all briefly. :D
Basically, I am having a fantastic time here in China. I love the city life and I'm learning sooo much at my internship. I am working at NBA China, where my uncle is one of the marketing directors. He hooked me up, and is really showing me what business development/marketing is like. I love it there! I feel like we're all on the same boat...NSLC has all made us realize that law isn't something we might want to pursue. LOL. Kinda ironic isn't it? Speaking of which...All this talk about our one year *anniversary* (LOL) makes me sad. :( Yeana, you'll probably find wonderful people at the new camp and an awesome roomie. JUST DON'T EVER REPLACE ME WITH HER!! Lol. :P I hope you have a great time, though I don't want you to have too much fun that you find it better than NSLC. Hahaha....I am selfish. >.<

Tracy, I am so glad you posted. You sound so busy these days! Hope all is well, and don't worry about college, even though all of us are like freaking out about it. Hahah. You are bright and will find success no matter where you go. :D

And Rosanna, I've already said what I have to say in our ongoing email. :P

I'm thankful for this wave of new posts. You all know I get impatient sometimes...XP
I will blog much more (expect a longgg rant) once I get back from China, and I'll definitely leave short posts during my time here!

Love and miss you all,
Wendy

OHSNAPS

2010-07-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

ohsnaps indeed

I've been in and out of the house after summer 'cause i started working at the restaurant!

I wake up early enough to shower and check my email

then I go off to work around 11AM

and I get home around 11PM TT_TT

by then, I check my email again, check just the notifications for facebook and then I go crash on my bed and sleep /:

I'm so sorry ladies ):

I'm especially sorry to wendy 'cause she went on so often ><

but yeah, arthur's in china too so i heard that you can go on google & gmail, but facebook is blocked O:!

and gah, yeana i'm so jealous i want time to read ):

I only have two days off a week and some people asked me to save dates in advance so i rarely have time to just bum out and read ;_;

But yeah, about the sixth sense

honestly?

I believe it.

I believe that human beings have a soul, or something in them that makes us the way we are, animated- life, and if I can believe in souls existing, then why not a sixth sense?

AND I WANT TO SEE YOUR PLAY ):

I HAVE YET TO SEE YAGMCB ;__; and whenever a friend mentions snoopy or something i say to myself outloud (LOL) "You're a good man charlie brown..."

and they stare XD

and rosie-anna!

my brother just graduated too & he's going off to college as well :'D

he's going to Boston U, so it's not that far away TT v TT

though i dislike how I have to start applying to colleges.

it's strange, but i honestly just want to go to a college where i'll be happy

I think so long as the facilities are decent, then i'll be fine

mostly because I don't know what i want to do

NSLC actually helped me realize that I don't want to pursue law. It was interesting as hell, but I couldn't see myself doing it in the future. ohboy, you can imagine how my parents reacted to that

but yeah, i think i'll just apply to a state university

I think your camp sounds amazing, and it's fantastic that you know what you want to do C:

and a cruise to alaska! O:! HAVE FUN :D

I was happy to discover today that I wasn't the only one who thought "today is the 1 year anniversary since I met my NSLCers..."

I love you all <3>

I know I don't go on often /:

But I really do miss you all ):

Love Always,

Tracy

Guess who's back?

2010-07-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

:D C'EST MOI!

Okay...first of all, apologies...

I promise this will be long...or at least as long as I can make it. :D

Not much has happened...I have a bit of summer reading to do, so I'm getting that done. I finished Frankenstein a while back. I read it expecting to be scared out of my wits, but I wasn't...so I was disappointed a bit. I think I'll have to read it again so I can really read it without expecting so much from it. I need to delve into the prose and symbolism of it...bleh.

But as of now I'm about halfway through One Hundred Years of Solitude, and despite its lack of a distinct plotline and infinite accounts of incest, I'm thoroughly enjoying it. It's very deep, and once I looked into the history behind the book, it's even more fascinating.

I have a question for you all; do you believe that humans possess a sixth sense? In the book, Ursula, the mother and leading conservative figure of the town in which her family resides, has an uncanny ability to sense certain moments when some of her children are in peril. When I ask you this question, I don't mean anything that specifically; what I mean is do you believe that humans have an actual ability to tell when someone is staring at them, or perhaps, if something bad happened to someone who is close to them?

I have to finish this book; then I have to read Catch-22. I hear lots of differing opinions about it; if any of you have read it, please give me your own opinions!

Wendy: How on earth DID you access this site from China? O_o And, by chance, if you get to access it more while you're there, tell us how it's going! I hope you're having lots of fun and discovering more about yourself. :]]

Rosanna: How's the new theatre company? I'm very excited for you!! What shows are you planning to be in? And how's life, really?

Tracybabe: Where ARE you?? :[

My friend and I are in the process of writing a play. It's about nothing at all. :] It's practically a show in one act; it's composed of approximately 15 short monologues through which teenagers complain about various random things. It sounds really dumb right now...but it's fairly hilarious. :] We're about 3/4 done and we're very proud of it.

In about a week I'm leaving for Stanford; compared to my 6 hour plane flight last year it's a very very short trip of 1 hour by car. But compared to last year's 10 days, it's a daunting 3 weeks. I hope I can last.

Which reminds me...

It's a full year to the day we met. I miss all of you very much...I'll be very lucky if the people I meet at Stanford are anything like you, and the bond that I will come to share with them; anything like what we share to this day. I'm also praying that I get a good roommate...Wendy, I don't think I'll ever miss you more than I will in the next few weeks to come.

Volleyball is starting for me very soon. I have to shave down my mile time to less than 8 minutes in less than a month...currently it's at a little less than 10 minutes =.= I have a long long way to go. I suppose this means I'll have to exercise while I'm at Stanford. SIGHHHHH.

I hope you are all having a wonderful and safe summer. I will blog more! :]

I love you lots.

<3, Yeans

Happy Birthday, America!!!

2010-07-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

Hey Girlies!!

I am sorry that it has been a while since I have blogged, it has been a busy few weeks for me.

Wendy - Isn't this website not allowed? How did you break into it?

Tracy -How are you doing???? Can you please blog?

Yeana - Same for you, what's been up with you guys?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you realize that tomorrow, it will be a year exactly since we all met? It's kind of freaky especially since, to me atleast, it has been longer than that....

For me atleast, it has been a long few weeks. School ended two weeks ago, thank goodness! I have been waiting for summer all year long!

My brother graduated and is now off to college... but he isn't going that far away :(

This past week was so busy for me. I had been helping organizing a special needs camp that is run at my church. It was so rewarding and fun, but also a lot of work becsaue each child there has some sort of special needs: autism, down syndrome, ADHD, basically anything.....
Becasue of this camp, I am now considering a job in special education, like a behavioral therapist or something. I am not too sure that law is what I want to do anymore...

So that camp was from 7:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. And on top of that, each night, I had rehersal for a new theatre company I joined. So from 5:30p.m. to 10 p.m. I was rehersing and dancing my butt off! It has been tough breaking into the new company with a name, but I think that I have achieved it and the driectors and crew like me for me!

Now I am packing... Tomorrow I leave for a two week trip to Alaska!!! I am really excited because my family and I are doing a land tour and a 7 day cruise! It will be my first time out of this time zone, and I am very excited about that as well!

So I know this was a short post, but I have a lot of packing to do and prep for the trip. Hopefully, i will have acess to computers throughout the trip!

As Wendy would say, "BLOG!!!!" :)

All My Love,
Rosanna

ARGH.

2010-07-01T02:01:00.000-07:00

Blog, people!

I am halfway around the world, and I've managed to get on our blog...

You all are testing my patience. grrrrrr. >.<

Love,
She-who-is-the-only-one-that-blogs-now-even-though-she-has-been-working-nonstop-in-China.

One before I leave!

2010-06-18T18:16:00.000-07:00

Hello, my beautiful ladies!

I miss you all very much. I've been feeling very distant with you guys lately...and I don't like it. :(
Maybe it's because it's summer, and we're all off doing our own things. But I really hope we all come back to this site once in a while, because it's the only place where all of our lifes intertwine. :]

I'm leaving for China in 2 days! I've already said how excited I am, so I won't do anymore of that. Hehe. I'm hoping for new experiences and some real fun.
There are some things going on in Land O' Lakes that I just want to escape...

*sigh* And I can't stop thinking about all the summer work I have to do. No motivation at all. Help me. Haha...

Anyway. I want to address Tracy, specifically. Girl, where are you? We're all very worried about you. I hope you can use this blog as a way to release all those emotions bottled up inside of you. It's okay! We want to help. It's okay to feel weak...but if you keep everything to yourself, that weakness will start eating you up. I have no idea what's been going on, but I just want to let you know that you deserve to be HAPPY. So please think about yourself for once, and do what makes you happy. If something's going on with your friends and family, let us know! We're here for you.
I miss you. :(

------------------------------------------------------

Sooo. This will probably be my last post for a long time. I'm thinking this site will probably be blocked in China, since it's affiliated with Google and well, we all know China's issues with Google. Heh.
But if it's not blocked, I'll definitely post while I'm there and put up pictures of my tracks. :]

I love you all so so so much.

Keep me updated!

<3 WENDY

:]

2010-06-14T12:37:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry it's been such a long time...

and I'm sorry I haven't sent you my prom picture yet. That will come soon...

I'm on vacation now! :D

I finished Junior year successfully. In retrospect, I think it was a good year, full of many experiences that will stay with me for the rest of my life. However, I would NOT repeat this year. There were too many dark points in it.

We're seniors now!

I don't plan on wasting this summer...in the past I would wake up waaay too late and end up wasting the entire summer. I'm going to read, exercise, and get started on college stuff. :D I'm also going to start taking my music seriously...:]]

How are you guys doing? I feel like I've been out of touch with all of you for so long...

love,

Yeans

Me, Again...

2010-06-10T20:54:00.000-07:00

Alright, so considering I am officially on Summer Vacation, I have time to extensively blog. ^.^
Though, I am upset! My girlies aren't blogging! Lol. I know Yeana's last day was today...Rosanna is probably still busy finishing up school (hang in there girly) and Tracy is...not sleeping? Lol. Well I hope all of you guys write something soon, I'm getting worrieddd.

Blahhh, so today was the first day of summer and I had to go to band practice for 9 hours. NINE HOURS!!! Hahaha...
Being a student leader isn't easy. At all. There is so much negativity this year, and it's contagious. There are so many people out to get me, to prove me wrong, or to make me look bad when I'm instructing them. How do I combat that, and how do I get my point across without seeming as a pretentious bitch who thinks she's the boss of everyone?! Haha. It's so hard when so many of them frustrate me. Argh. >.<

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways...so I am reallly glad that I survived Junior year. I am not really that excited for Senior year, as I think it comes with even more pressure and stress. But I'm trying not to think about that. I'm happy that I can finally "get away" from all the drama and stupidity of high school. I've grown tired of the people surrounding me, and I don't think it's such a good thing. What I'm most afraid of is losing touch with even my best friends during the summer, and then coming back in the fall miserable and without friends. Hahah, that's certainly not the way I want to spend my senior year! Idk. I don't think it's going to happen, buttt I'm already getting excluded from some activities. Whatever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This weekend, I'll be taking the ACTs. Wish me the best of luck! I'll need it, haha. After that, I'm pretty much free. I don't have many summer assignments but I do have to write a rough draft of my Extended Essay for IB...argh. It'll be painful. I also want to get started with my college application essays...maybe some creative juices will spark in China.

Ahh, China. I am beyond excited. Family, the city life, World Expo, internship, good FOOD; it's all too good. It'll be a nice getaway. I'm only spending five weeks there...*sigh* It's wayy too short. I feel summer this year is too short itself...only 9 weeks for us. Is that the usual?! Hahah.

So what are your plans for the summer?? I wanna hear about them. (:

That's all I have, really! Hehe. My life is pretty boring right now.
OH! Forgot to say. Jason wrote me a confession letter...but I'm pretty sure I don't like him anymore. I'm so fickle, I hate it. He thinks he still has a chance, and keeps on asking me to give us a try. I don't really want to, though. It's summer. I wanna be free.

*sigh*

Please write soon, I miss you guys.

<3 WENDY

sigh

2010-06-08T20:49:00.000-07:00

I really miss you guys.

Tomorrow is my LAST DAY of school.
Omgsh. o.O

It feels kinda surreal. I mean, this year was in same ways, the best year, and in A LOT of ways, the worst year. I don't even know how to describe it. All I know is...it's not something I would want to relive, haha. I can't believe I made it through half-sane...and with straight A's. :P Now if only my standarized testing scores could live up to my school grades, I'd be golden.

Just took three SAT II's this past Saturday. Ehhh. That's how I feel about them; "Ehhh." That's never good ya know...
*sigh*
My real break doesn't really come until I finish the ACTs, which are this Saturday. Surprisingly, I've been doing really well (much better compared to stupid COLLEGBOARD) on the practice tests, so I'm not too worried about that. Still, though. Ugh PRESSURE PRESSURE.

Anyways...
My last post was before I went to Disney, yes?
Omgsh! I had a fantastic time! I've really developed a core group of friends in band and they are the goofiest (word?) girls ever! You can check out my insane pictures of facebook. :P

So now...I feel very stress free. No more school to worry about; it's great!! I can't believe it's been a YEAR already since we've all met. It's so crazy.
What are you guys up to this summer? I think I've already asked but whatever. :P
I CANNOT wait for China, oh my. It's going to be amazinggg, and I'm just glad I can leave this darn Land O' Lakes for 5 weeks. It's too short really...*sigh*

It's late, but I wanted to say something, since our blog has been lagging these past few weeks. :P
I will post a LONGER post worth reading after this weekend, I hope! :)

Love ya,
WENDY

Hey Lovies!!

2010-06-02T06:34:00.000-07:00

Hey Ladies!!

So I know that we all check the blog but never actually post.Today I decided that, since I am home sick, I would post!!!

Also, since no one has been posting, I don't know what is happening with you all! So please, let me know por favor!!! :)

So me, this is how I feel: vdhjkfldshgjkdshvjndskvjdskhvoasdfdjkdfjgkfdjkvdshajkfshfjkdshfjkqb, I wish I was kidding...... everything sem,s to be going wrong up here. I was once excitied for prom, and now I am looking forward to this coming weekend to be done. There is just so much drama happening, it doesn't seem to be worth it, you know?

My last day of classes is the 10th, but I have finals up until the 20th.... I am just wanting school to be over... donezo... I am in a funk again, friendships are going downhill, to the point where some of my other friendships are being affected by this.... it is jsut aggrivating. If ou can't tell, my mind is in a million places. I think that I am sic today because of all of the unwanted stress that just seems to be piling up. Like I am president of 4 clubs and along with that comes a lot of events to plan and stuff and its nice to be intusted with this position, but it is a lot of work and I am planning 3 events right now.... alone, once again.

Like is it bad to pick up eveyone else's slack? if it won't get done anyother wway???? I am just so confused right now. help?

rosie

JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW

2010-05-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

That I'm thinking of youuu. :D

Tracy is right, so just real quick...I have been extremely busy, with studying for SAT II's, the ACT, and finals as well. I'm hanging in there, and it'll all be over soon. I'm going to be at Disney with the band for the entire weekend, so I promise I will write a full post when I get back.

Love you guys and hope you are all doing well <3

-WENDY

DON'T NEGLECT YOUR TUMBLY!

2010-05-28T20:05:00.001-07:00

i think we all check the blog
wanting someone to post something
because none of us have the time
but all of us want to hear from each other

I'm sad, the friendship bracelet wendy made us broke ]:
I'm pretty sure i had it on the night before, so hopefully it's somewhere in my room and not in the big wide world D:
I don't care if people say "it's a small world"
IT'S NOT.
IF IT WAS FREAKING SMALL I COULD TAKE TWO STEPS AND SEE YOU LADIES. TT ^ TT

I have time right now 'cause I got plenty of sleep last night
even if I was obscenely late to school :'D (i got to school in time for the last four period of class. one of those periods being lunch XDXD)
honestly? i went to school 'cause i wanted to take the train home with arthur > ^ <

This week, I had a bunch of presentations and tests
blech
& I decided that I really had to start shaping up, getting serious- bring my grades up
'cause it'd really suck if I couldn't get into Stonybrook (i'm applying SUNY, I don't really care where I go to college particularly so long as they have decent resources- but I want to go to Stony 'cause that's where arthur's going and it's close enough to visit home, but not to live there :'D)
yeah, so FIGHT-O time
I pulled allnighters, but that wasn't really new to me
I grabbed a nap here and there (about forty minutes on the train to school :'D)
& I could function if I had enough coffee = v =
but by thursday I was a ZOMBIE. sometimes my head would just tune people out and i had to ask them to repeat things > ^ < & when I got up, the room would spin a bit- but i figured that was because I was getting up too fast
though it might also have to do with the fact that I don't eat breakfast or lunch, on wednesday instead of dinner, all i ate were some cookies from earlier on the train ride home
and on thursday...i had a papaya and cup noodles. LOL. it's 'cause having dinner with my family was becoming not happy making; so I would just leave instead of arguing it out /:
I figured I was fine, so my tumbly rumbles a bit- I'll just hold on.
but my dizzy spells were getting worse, I'd just stop walking in the hallway waiting it out 'cause I didn't want to stumble or fall-lame.
so last night, I was exhausted. I had time for a quick two hour nap but instead of waking up to my alarm (i have five alarms. one is a loud radio clock right by my pillow, the other three are built in my phone to ring from my desk so i have to actually get up- and another my friend calls me just in case. I slept through them all.)
But i think oversleeping was good for me, 'cause my head didn't ache anymore, and I only felt dizzy in one period

so loves
what i'm trying to say is
get rest.
get food.
rosie, what did the doctor say about your headaches? ]:

Love Always,
Tracy

I'M RATHER SILLY!

2010-05-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

Ladies,
my lovely
lovely
L a d i e s.

I APOLOGIZE, THERE'S A LOT OF TESTING AND STUDYING AND SIMPLY TOO LITTLE TIME IN ONE SILLY LITTLE DAY TO DO EVERYTHING D:
GAH.

I love you ladies.
I had originally planned to never tell him what was wrong 'cause after letting it all out- I felt much better.
But in my planner I had inscribed "either talk about it or man up"
& I talked about it! to you ladies!
but on thursday,
he saw it
and he worried.
ohmeohmys.
and he got frustrated when i absolutely did not want to tell him what had been bothering me
so in a rather fail attempt to keep the mood light-hearted I took the escalator down going two steps at a time (it wasn't moving)
and he started going down the escalator rather fast
and
I fell x__x
I only scraped my leg up a little bit, but some absolute...douches. going up the escalator jeered at him because I had been saying "TOOFASTTOOFAST"
but he was quite frustrated and wasn't paying attention so yeah
but the jeering made him go from frustrated to upset to just mad.
it was strange, he wasn't mad at me he said, but just...mad. So I promised that the next day I would say everything.
So I was quite worried and upset at myself for upsetting him
but the next day everything was really made a-okay.
it was our 6 months- half a year, and it was an inside joke so it was incredibly thoughtful; the boy got me purple tulips.
Though on the train ride home he confronted me again, and feeling thoroughly silly I told him everything and it just...it all worked out.
I'm happy knowing that I will always have those who love me.

so let's address prom?
PROM-ALALALA:
okiedokes, so first of all- yes wendy, my school has seperate proms; one for seniors and one for juniors
you know what?
spend you prom over at New York (closer than california)
senior prom is at the waldorf! yayyyyyyyyyyexpensive v O

ohmans. i went to eat dinner, and i learned about one of those real things in the world that people need to know about.
Here's my area: flushing is to queens sort of like what union square or times square is to manhattan. NOWAIT. IT'S LIKE WHAT CHINA TOWN IS TO MANHATTAN, it's to queens. it's the asian central
we have neighborhoods and such with a billion asians, but this is not only one of the main neighborhoods, it has a lot of the STORES.
I think I was talking to Wonhee once, and he takes the train from connecticut to NY just to go to flushing O__O
There's this girl.
23 years old.
She's smarter than your average bear 'cause she came from China to the US for graduate school, and to do that you first have to pass a language test to show you're proficient in the English language.
She wasn't attending school at the moment because it's damn expensive.
Going home from work in flushing, some mexican hit her over the head with a baseball bat.
Dragged her to some back alley, and raped her.
She was found when people saw the excessive blood in the area and police found her in the back of some alleyway & took her to the hospital.
She's brain dead now. Her parents have to come from China to sign papers allowing the hospital to take her off life support 'cause they obviously can't afford to keep her on it.
They did the rape test on her, and found the bastard who did this to her.
But the worst part?
Flushing is full of people.
People who saw a girl being half dragged by some Mexican guy towards an unpopulated area- and he's holding a baseball bat; she's bleeding from the head.
They're mostly fobs- and i mean the stereotypical kind who don't give a shit for anyone other than themselves;
People who don't care enough to see if anything is wrong, or even to call 911
People who make me cry because if they had only cared a bit, they would've save her life and they would've saved her parents from this immense heart ache.
It's also scary to think that one of these days when I'm going home via flushing (which I do everyday) no one will give a shit if I'm the one being dragged away.

Humanity scares me,
tracy.

yeanababe, are you alright?
if you're good, then everything's dandy- we just worry; you should share your happiness (:
if you're not...then when you're able to; talk to us babe.

akjkdslfjdsklghfdsjgsdjkh < Asian Moment :)

2010-05-19T14:14:00.001-07:00

Hello Ladies-

WHERE ARE YOU?????????? WHY ARENT YOU BLOGGING????????????????

Tracy - Be confident with who you are! And when you are not, just know that those who love you will always be there for you. It is normal to have insecurities, but please do not let them rule your life. We love you so much, and just want you to be happy! Don't let your insecurities stand in the way of the Tracy we know and love! The one who looked so good in Cynthia's dress!!! <3

Wendy - Whats going on down there?... all the way in Lando... so freakin' far away.

Yeana- ???? Are you there??? Please say yes!

Did all of you go through so much freakin' drama with prom? There is NO saving from all the sh** that is happening up here. Everyone is having a feud with atleast one of their friends about stupid prom. (Luckily I am not, but its afecting my friendships with a lot of people). It is just a contrived event, and I know that night it will be fun, but is it worth all of the crap that goes on before it? Like friendships are legit breaking up because she wasn't invited to pictures here, or he wasn't invitied to the after party there... I want to scream at them GET OVER YOURSELF THERE ARE OTHER PROBLEMS BIGGER AND GREATER THAN PROM!!!!!!!1 9with a ew profanities here and there).

Other than that, my is still goingly badly... people don't seem to understand that things are moer important than their superficial problems. If you lost your I-Phone, to freakin big deal, get over it. its because of your lack of responsibility. I just hape this I am so sick of it and I want it to be done. I want the summer to get here and I want to babysit my butt off and I want to be in my community theatre show and I want to volunteer and I want to leave all the drama and shit behind because I am SICK and tired of it.

This is why I hate my school. All the people there are so spoiled and do nothing to deserve the designer clothes or the Mercedes. It is so freakin' annoying, There is a point where you need to accept the shit that happens to you and try to do the better thing and move on so that you can have a full and enjoyable life. And I wish that they would just get over how much they hate school and accept that it isn't worth complaining about it. Find all the positive in it you can, becasue the negative is only going to make it that much worse. It just bothers me because there are times that I kill myself trying to be there for my friends and make sure they are ok, and get them to laugh when they want to cry and hold them up in a hug when they want to collapse, it's just part of my job. But I just wish they would take a step back and ask me how I am doing, or remember my birthday. I know it comes at a really really busy time of the year, but NOTHING??? Really? I am not one to draw attention to myself or try to make everything about me, or try to make everyone feel sorry for me, but this year has sucked. Starting January losing my grandfather, and then losing someone else almost every 2 weeks after until March... its hard and it still hurts. I try so hard to get past it and move on, but the pain doesn't go away that fast. My support group is dwindling and I miss it and I want it to be there, but I am only willing to do so much.

I miss all of you and in my mind I am counting down the days until I see you all again, even though I do not know when that will be. Until then, from New York.....

Rosie

YESYESYES.

2010-05-12T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm loving this new wave of posting. :D

So my girls. After reading about all your prom specificalities...do you guys having SEPARATE proms for Junior and Seniors?! Weird...hahah and I feel like I was ripped off at mine. 65 bucks for NO dinner, just some cheesy hor deurves (however you spell that). Huh, interesting. I'm loving the idea of the cruise boat, though! That's great.

Anyway, Yeana I am really glad you had fun at your prom! I also enjoyed reading about your "epiphany" of some sort. :P I can see that you're growing into yourself, and that you are happier these days! (Hmm...correlation between that and AP tests, perhaps? Hmm...)
Rosanna, I am sooo excited for you and Loren!! :P As for your friends, I am glad you have people there to fall back on.
Now Tracyyy. Please let go of your insecurities and just LIVE! I know it is so easy to say, so hard to do...but really. Look at yourself. You are a BEAUTIFUL and CAPABLE young lady. You have the potential to do whatever you want...do not let little high school issues weigh you down. I know how much you love Arthur, but please think about yourself for once. Yes, you guys will have your issues, but do not let them affect you in the long run. You've got a long way to go, my dear. These high school matters will seem trivial once you really begin to live! As for prom, you guys don't have to go. Like you said, having your own little date would be SUPER cute and sweet as well. :D
Don't feel weak when you spill out all your feelings...we're here to make you feel stronger. <3

-----------------------------------------------------

As for me, girls, I am DONE WITH AP TESTING!! ^.^ I cannot believe it, actually. I mean, to think that just a month ago I was crying in my closet, so scared I couldn't handle it all.
Schoolwork has died down as well, and I think I am pretty much golden for the rest of the year. (3 weeks left!!!) Now all I have to worry about are SAT IIs and the ACT in June...they shouldn't be too bad.
So I am definitely less stressed, and I'm loving it! I am happy happy again.

BUT...the same old problems keep on reappearing.
I am beginning to feel more and more left out here...I feel like people don't think I'm "fun" anymore, and therefore do not invite me to do anything. My two closest friends have basically, replaced me with a 17 year old guy (meaning as a best friend, not a crush, lol). They do things together now and never invite me. Is it because they automatically assume I'm busy, or is it just because they don't want to hang out with me? I don't understand.
Walking out of my AP testing room today, I was met by groups and groups of friends clumped together, chatting and whatnot. I did not know which group to join. Or rather, I didn't really have any intentions of wanting to join.
You see, here is my problem. I really dislike Land O' Lakes, and Florida for that matter. I think people here are arrogant and STUPID. Kids here worry about irrelevant topics and the lack of motivation really bugs me. This is WHY I want to leave here so badly. This is WHY I want to attend school up north. And therefore, this is possibly the reason why I have been pushing myself so hard lately. My rationale is, if I work hard, I will be admitted into a good school up north and therefore, be able to separate myself from these idiotic doofs in Lando. I want to just run away and start anew, more than anything.
So is it bad that I feel that way? I feel like sometimes I'm making myself an outsider. Obviously I love my close friends, but even sometimes certain things they say/do just BUG the CRAP outta me. Like our ideals and morals are sometimes completely different. I understand that I going to have that problem with everyoneee, but honestly sometimes I just can't take it anymore.
I guess I really don't mind being left out, but then again I do. One of the few people I can really rely on is Jason from Chinese school, who, oh lookie here, doesn't even live in Land O' Lakes. Hmm I wonder why I like him so much. Hahah. Oh, btw I have been talking and spending time with him a lot recently...you know how my feelings for him have always been kind of up and down? Well, I'm pretty darn sure how I feel about him now...I think he really understands me. Partly because he has a lot of the same goals as I do, and he just knows who I really am. He's relatable and he's INTELLIGENT. I grow attracted to him more and more as the days progress. I am really glad I have him.

I am also really glad I have you guys. I think it's amazing that we're all going through the same things, (ie, prom) but that each of our stories are different.
One day we will be reunited, and that will be the happiest day of my life! :)

Love you all.
WENDY

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

2010-05-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

The title is dedicated to our mommy rosie (:
& by the way, another H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y!
you are fabulous,
& beautiful,
an amazing young woman,
with an amazing mind-
& heart
we love you.

You know, all of this week since my last post I couldn't seem to find the time to look at our blog at all.
& it definitely made a difference not having the words of my ladies as a soft remembrance in the back of my heart that they're there for me.
You guys are an irreplaceable part of my life.

So I'm going to put up pictures sometime soon (I think. lol) and under the guise of being for my digital photography project, I invited my friend Corinne over to burn my report card.
Ladies, you can all tell me I'm smart- but my school begs to differ.
I think it has something to do with me falling asleep during lessons and tests- teachers don't like that too much.
I'm working on it, I didn't sign up for any APs this year because if I can't handle a regular workload, how am I supposed to take on APs?
My friend encouraged me to sign up for the ACT however, and I already have the waiver /: I'm just sitting on the fence. I think I'll commit to it.

SO. I SAW ALL OF THE PROM PICTURES (i'm not a creep, it's facebook. >__O)
& NOW I'M HAPPY WITH THE PROM STORIES [:

Wendylove, if anything I'm more than just going la la la laaa, I'm full out frolicking. IT IS TIME TO SET MY MEADOW ON FIRE AND GET TO WORK TT ^ TT
it's okay if you're going crazy.
one of my teachers that I really respect once talked to me about how he thought he had gone crazy for a moment. I wrote him a letter saying that even if he did go crazy, he'd still be an amazing teacher and such. I told him that being crazy doesn't mean losing your mind, you gain a whole new perspective on the world. Sometimes a bit of entropy is good.
I think he thinks I'm crazy now. LOL.

yeanababe,
greenday is super cool [:
(& SO IS YOUR PRIESSSSST!)

I think I feel too much.
Normal people tear up during films, I cry with tears running down my face.
When they cry, I sob.
Maybe I just really get sucked into the world of the movie.
Or maybe I just feel too much.
I feel like it's only okay to cry, if it's not something important.
I wouldn't want people to worry /:

CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. <3
there's actually a chocolate club at my school....they spend most of the year raising money (selling stuff and etc.) to go on a trip to hershey park at the end of the year XDXD
babe, how are you with francis...?
& I can't wait to get your photo and put it up on my corkboard along with my other NSLC photos [:

ROSIEEEE-ANNAA!!
MY J-PROM IS ON A BOAT AS WELL XDXD
some people think it's hilarious and they sing out IM ON A BOAT.
others are somewhat worried that if they're late the boat will ditch them.
and of coarse some think it's stupid 'cause 1. it's a boat 2. they can't sneak in anything (i happen to like that they can't sneak anything in.) 3. they want to leave early but can't...unless they swim.
I'm not going to J-prom, I wouldn't be going whether Arthur was in my life or not lol
I kind of want to because it seems like some of my close friends are going- but it's much too much trouble and ew- money. (after some deals made with miscellaneous stores on advertising and such, my j-prom would only be like $45-$50!)
Money is quite the issue XDXD
Hey ladies,
so I'm a bit confused
but I may or may not be going to Arthur's senior prom @__@
At first, we had both decided it wasn't going to happen because his mom wouldn't pay for his ticket- my parents obviously wouldn't pay for mine- and he could only save up enough money for one ticket
It's sweet, I keep telling him to just go without me- enjoy his senior experience with his friends and whatnot- but he said he refused to go without me :'D
So we decided we'd have an instead-of-prom date
well.
he just recently told me
that his mom caved. and said she'd cover his ticket, tux, whatever.
He said if he can get enough money to cover my ticket then we're set
I even talked to my mom and instead of an instant veto she's actually considering it :'D
my brother came to my rescue.
he told her than prom is actually important. and that I need to get a dress for it. LOL, HE UNDERSTANDS GIRLS XDXD

ladies, senior prom costs about $200. for the ticket.
X__X

So I still have to ask him about if he's positive we're going,
if we do
I'm nervous as hell.
As wendy should most certainly know about my lack of curves (LOL. IT WAS HARD TRYING TO GET ME TO LOOK NOT-AWKWARD IN CYNTHIA'S DRESS XDXD)
& my school offers Ballroom as a senior elective in phys ed so he can most certainly dance
I think that if we end up not going to prom
then on our insteadofprom date I'll borrow speakers from someone-anyone and get him to dance with me anyways (:
he's a very sweet boy, I hope my brother can see that before he goes to college /:
Today, my brother was poking holes in me. He dislikes that Arthur spends more time on MW2 (Modern Warfare 2) than with me lol. If anything, I'm happy my brother cares for me
Personally I would always welcome more time with him, but if MW2 makes him happy then I don't want to stand in the way of it.
I was a fool to tell my brother about my insecurities.
You see, there are two questions that I want to, but will never ask Arthur.
1. Why did you and Annie (ah. the ex. this name hurts. I actually have a friend named Annie, she doesn't know that this is the reason why I call her KIMBOOYAH (her last name is kim) all the time instead of annie. this is also the reason why I can't think about pikachus without being sad anymore. This is also the reason why I deleted a song named annie in my Ipod. This is a reason for many things.) break up?
-I never did receive a clear understanding on it.
2. Something along the lines of "Am I appealing to you at all?"
You see, that girl up there (><) is very. sexy. I mean it. I'm very comfortable with my sexual orientation, I know for a fact that I'm a hundred percent straight. I might experiment (LOL) but I'll always roll along the beaten path and be attracted to guys. So I can comfortably tell a girl if she is sexy- and she is. (by the way, you ladies are more than sexy, you're downright beautiful.)
I think he played quite the game of baseball with her. (LOL, THE BASES. REMEMBER?)
Through some backdoors and creeping, I gained access to their wall to wall (i went to my friend in a panic that I had gone off the far end- that i was officially a psycho. she told me that it was actually the norm in most girlfriends and that creeping was fun anyways. she made me laugh :'D)
yeah, so I was given the privilege to see his past i love yous to her (oh boy.) and also to see that she had told him that he was too aggressive.
aggressive?
Possibilities that ran through my head:
1. Very sexual possibilities.
This boy won't touch me. and I mean, at all. He says he respects me too much and that he doesn't want to mess up this relationship (like the last one..?)
oh, i hate the nega-me. she points out everything i'm scared of. maybe it's not just respect, maybe i'm just not appealing to him at all.
she de-sexualizes me,and I feel quite unappealing to him. I feel devoid of any charm other than a childlike cuteness which really doesn't help the cause unless he's got a thing for lolitas. Oh wendy, if you thought you were crazy, you're not. at all.
I mean it. If you thought the things above this were crazy talk, wait until you hear what I'm about to say. It's something I held deep within the confines of my heart because I scared myself a bit with the truth in it.
My friend had just told me in passing something about horoscopes and whatnot.
A pisces apparently sees sex as the ultimate act of love. It's like...that's all she has to give, herself.
So I laughingly asked myself, as a pisces would I do that?
Oh ladies, it was a sardonic laugh.
I honestly would.
Not in the way as giving-sex-for-love. don't worry about that. I just want to give all that I can give.
He wouldn't anyways, he's much too much of a gentleman and I don't think the thought that little ol' me would want to seduce him would ever enter his mind.
I told you it was crazy.
possibility number two is off the charts crazy.
possibility number two is that he acts very different around me, it's either because he's honestly changed, or that he feels like he can't be himself around me. At some point in all of my craziness this notion evolved into me being fluff. Fluff is just filler. expendable. It's sadsadsad.
Maybe this is all one big misunderstanding on his part and I'm the only one in love.
Here is where the hole poking happened. I don't think my brother realized how much this really impaled me.
Does he call?
-"he doesn't really use his phone a lot." I used to be able to say that he broke his phone so that was why he didn't call, but now he has a new one. my answer was still he just doesn't use the phone a lot.
Does he go on facebook? (my brother knows I thrive on facebook because it's a connection to my friends)
-"not...anymore..." we really started talking on facebook. there would be page long conversations broken up into smaller parts so that they would fit within the limit. It was the most wonderful wall spam because there was simply so much to talk about.
and then it stopped. OHMAN. and this one really killed 'cause he used to go on facebook as much as i did- when he went out with her. to talk to her. sadsadsad.
Does he ever go out with you?
-YES.
often?
-...he tries.
What's keeping him so busy that he can't see you?
-...modern warfare 2...IT MAKES HIM HAPPY. IT'S OKAY.
Being with you should make him happy. Wouldn't you choose him over manga?
-LOL, I ONCE SPENT AN ENTIRE WEEKEND WITHOUT READING ANY MANGA AND JUST TALKING TO HIM :D *goes back to such a good conversation*
that's how it should be. do you two ever talk? he never calls or texts. he'll check facebook but he'll reply to everyone but you and he only sometimes goes on aim?
-...it's enough.
I'm starting to doubt that he cares.
-he cares.
I don't want you to lie to yourself.

HE KEPT POKING HOLES.
i wish he asked me the most important question.
"does he love you?"
yes. we even banter about it every now and then about who cares more. But then what's sad is that part of me way deep inside is serious when I say that I love him more, and nothing can convince me otherwise because that part of me really believes it's true.
Hi, I hate myself.
Hi, I'm crying.
Hi, it's been over two hours of writing.
& it has been driving me insane. quietly insane.
you know what?
now that I've finally let it out. It feels a little less silly. and a little less possible. not a lot, but a little.
I hate hurting him so much that I would never directly say such a thing on my blog when I need to vent because I'd be scared that he'd see it and he'd be hurt. The rational part of me doesn't want him to know of my scared thoughts because the rational part of me doesn't want to hurt him with something that will go away eventually. Because this is all crazy talk right?
The nega-me hates me, loves him. so she wouldn't want to hurt him.

i think opening the heart a bit let out way too much crazy for one little post. I don't want to think about it. I want to get a hold of myself and make it all go away.
Yeanababe, do you remember mentioning that you'd bitchslap nega-me away if she popped back up?
I think i need a good smack to the face.

Hey ladies, I think i just had an epiphany.
the real reason why i don't post too often
isn't because I don't want to leave long inane posts.
I love leaving you guys posts full of my love for you
but it's because
my heart is too off guard with you ladies. and all of a sudden all of my insecurities come rushing out.
I dislike that.
I'm not used to talking about it.
it's weird.

I love you ladies,
even though you all make me much too weak.
tracy.

Darlings....

2010-05-09T18:03:00.001-07:00

It is May 9th, but it is 32 degrees in Albany.... weird. Anywho..............

Wendy - I love you, and your fuzzies, and I am so glad that you had a good time at prom!!!! I stalked you A LOT on facebook to see all the pictures.... :)

Tracy - Everything will work out, be yourself. We love you and want you to BLOG!!! lol. :)

Yeana - I am glad you had a good time at prom too!!! I am excitied for this mail you mentioned. :)

So APUSH - I thought it was a fair exam, it wasn't hard for me, but it wasn't easy either..... but its OVER!!!!! And thats all that realy matters. You will do great on the rest of your APs/IBs !!!!!

So my life, has been completely consumed by studying for APs. Legit - I would leave the house at 6:30 in the morning and not get back until 9 at night. I studied my a** off for APUSH and hopefully it paid off, but I will not know until i get my score (especially since we had a timing error where we were given less time on the mulitple choice)

But my Birthday -- oh, how I hate that day. Anywho, It was same-old same old. I got home at 9, my arents had already cut into a cake my friend had dropped of for me when I wasn't hope. They didn't get me anything..... I really thought that everyone forgot it was my birthday. Legit, like I understand why my friends could have because of APs but my family??? ... That just bothers me.

As I have mentioned before I have 2 core 'groups' of friends.... and no one seemed to remember my birthday, but one of them, the one with Sarah and Jillian (...idk if you remember me mentioning them) they threw me a surprise party Friday night (just 8 of us) but it really meant a lot.

I had been so busy, I had not had time to feel...as Yeana was saying. And your blog really resonated in me becasue I thought to this party I just mentioned and I was talking to sarah. She, like me, lost her grandfather, but hers was in September. And as sad as it sounds when we were sitting in my friends room ater I had opened my presents... I asked her if it got easier.... as in missing my grandather. She said that the 1st year is the hardest... and i get that. Because on Wednesday night, the messages that I was listening to, I kept thinking my grandfather's would be the next one... and then it never came. and it made me sad. So basically in the middle of this wonderful party being thrown for me, I bust out into tears, and luckily my friends were there... but (this applies to your post yeana) I kept apologizing about crying. And they said it was ok, that sometimes you feel what you do, and no matter what, you need to feel it. And I know that, you know? But at that moment, in that public place, I didn't ind it acceptable crying. And the sad part is that I know my friends were shocked to see me like this. I had never cried infront of them, and I think I reminded them that I am not 'Superwoman', waht they sometimes reer to me as. I think we all forget that we need to feel, no matter where we are...
-----so thank you Yeana, for your post.

As for Prom: It is on June 5th. What my school does for Junior Prom, is we rent out a cruise boat (only because they want to have control over when we get there and when we leave). So prior to that we really only have to do pictures because they serve dinner for us. (Atleast they do that... a ticket s $65). But pictures is going to be a stressor for me only because I have to got to atleast 2 different places, maybe 3, depending on what Loren's friends are planning. Which (from what he told me was nothing at this point). But then we have after parties to go to. I think we will wind up attending a backyard campout (with 1 group of friends) and the next day do a picnic at the local town park (with the other set of friends) - if this is what Loren is comfortable with.... I haven't talked to him because he has 1. AP Physics tomorrow and is freaking out over it. and 2. today was his 1st Mothers day without his Mom, so i can only imagine that it was a hard day for him and his family.... so thinks are better left until after, you know????

Well, I have homework to do, because I didn't do any this weekend.... whoops. Hopefully this satisies any questions you may have. All my love, I am always thinking about you, and missing you.

Rosie

azn sensation :]]]]

2010-05-07T22:20:00.001-07:00

This is soo funny....I legit tried to post, but my computer spazzed and wouldn't let me. Thankfully my post was saved...but then I read Wendy's post and started laughing out loud. Honestly.

Well here's my original post:

_______________________________________________

I'm feeling really good right now because I'm more than halfway through my AP testing. Just one more on Monday and then I'm free. ^^

Also, the test that I was dreading has passed. (APUSH) I feel like a weight has been lifted from me.

I know we're all busy right now, but just one more week of testing and we're through! Hang in there, babes...

Lately I've been rediscovering the music of Green Day. When I was in middle school I was a huge Green Day fan; my brother listened to them a lot and I came to love their music, especially in 7th grade. But in 8th grade and until now, I sort of stopped listening to them and started exploring other music. It was only a few weeks ago that I remembered that Green Day still existed.

It's actually quite an interesting story...

A few weeks ago the priest at our church was doing a homily(sermon) for the children's mass. The high schoolers and middle/elementary schoolkids were celebrating together that day, so I was there to see this. Anyways, as he explained some of the finer points of the reading that morning, he mentioned a song by Green Day; 21 guns. He proceeded to pull out his iPhone and play the song for us. (Do we have the awesomest priest ever, or what? :] )

It'd been a few years since I'd listened to Green Day, and 21 guns was a new song for me, despite the fact that it had come out last year.

As the song came through the sound system, I remembered exactly why I loved Green Day. Their songs are first, easy to listen to, but more than that, they carry these universal meanings that everyone can relate to. Green Day is different from today's punk bands because they can write beautiful music. Maybe some people wouldn't define it as 'beautiful', but honestly, if you listen to the lyrics (moving past all of the references to drugs and sex that my parents, if they could understand half the song, would find offensive) it has the power to reach deep into your soul and make you feel. 21 guns...is pain.

I'm going through a phase where I'm discovering what feeling is again. My drama teacher always tells us that it's okay to feel things. At first I thought, of course we feel. When we laugh, we're happy. When we cry, we're sad. We all feel, don't we? I didn't really get what she was trying to tell us.

I'm still not completely sure, but I think I'm beginning to understand. We live in a world where apathy is the norm, where teenagers are forced to hide their tears, where people who don't cry are considered strong, where people have to disguise their emotions. I think actors are the only people who are allowed to be expressive and get away with it. This is the life we lead today. Humans are what they are; we have emotions and we need to let them show. But society condemns it all...there's something wrong with the world when a child has to claim she has allergic reactions to something in order to hide her tears, when a guy has to use the same excuse to show that he's not upset about something that would leave a "weaker" person bawling. It's so unhealthy to bottle up emotions, and even though everyone says that, no one really believes in it.

Onstage, we're allowed to feel things. A good actor doesn't act the part; we feel the part. We live the part. The character's emotions become our emotions, and the tears are real. We yell because that's what the character would do, we laugh because that's what they do. We feel.

That's my rant for now. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's okay to cry, it's okay to feel things. So feel. :]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And now I will really respond.

Tracy: You'll be fine. Maybe things are hard right now, but they always work out in the end. Don't fret; keep going. :]

Wendy: FUZZIES.

Also, prom. I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!! Max was the best date ever. :]] I think I had more fun because Francis brought Max's friend to prom, so it was like a little Charlie Brown reunion. :D We had dinner at a friend's house (potluck) and took a limo to prom. Unlike Wendy, we arrived really early...something I really liked about the place; they had a chocolate fountain with lots of goodies on the side to dip into the chocolate. Another fun incident; we had to take an elevator from the lobby to get up to the dance floor, and I assumed that it was on the top floor so I pressed the button for the top floor. When the door opened I saw that the dance WASN'T on the top floor...we had come out in the kitchens. After an awkward smile and a quick wave to the chefs, we hurried down to the 2nd floor where we spent the rest of the night.

You will all be receiving pictures in the mail... :]]

APUSH was not an easy test...I know I passed, though. :D I guess that's good enough at present. Wendy, you'll be fine. :] I took my SAT IIs last Saturday. Hopefully they're the last SATs I'll ever have to take...and you are definitely not the only one sitting on your butt going lalala...that's exactly what I'm doing right now. I should be studying for bio...but that can wait til tomorrow. :D

Rosanna I want to hear all about your birthday!!! AND your prom. When is it again?

Missing everyone,
Yeans

WHY ISN'T ANYONE BLOGGING!

2010-05-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

Well THANKS to TRACY, who responded to my post. You are a jem, darling. :)

Anyways. You know how life can sometimes be a roller-coaster ride (ok, never mind--ALL THE TIME)? Well I think I've finally reached the top of the hill. :) Maybe it has to do with not going to school due to AP/IB testing, and maybe it's because I feel pounds and pounds of weights being lifted off my shoulders with each new day, but I FEEL GOOD. And happy.

So let's recap, shall we?
PROM. Last saturday. I'm sure you all have seen pictures on facebook. :P I had a group of 10 others to do the whole pre-prom ordeal. Took pictures, went out to dinner, arrived to prom about an hour and half late...hahah. Anyway. Basically when we got there, everyone was all grinding up on their dates and I think it made my date extremely uncomfortable. You know me, those things don't bother me--hell, I like to have fun too--but he doesn't really dance sooo...yeah. Can you say awkward? He would like, half-heartedly dance with me for one song, and then ditch me to accompany his best friend, who came without a date. Um, HELLO?! You're MY date, not HIS. Jeesh.
So he could definitely tell I was getting pissy, and he soon changed his ways. Hahah. We danced together the entire night, along with the other couples (it was so cute, I loved it) and I genuinely had lots of fun! I'm not going to lie though, I did restrain my "fun" a wholeee lot, because I didn't want to make him feel to uncomfortable, and I think that led to me not having as much fun as I wanted, you know? But I'm not going to complain, I had a better time than I thought I would, and I'm sooo glad I decided to give prom a chance this year. YEANA--I wanna hear about your experience!! :)

---Btw, Rosanna I hope you had a fabulous birthday!---

Anyhoo...So testing testing testing. I took my IB math exam, which for the most part was fairly easy. I know I at least passed, and that's all that matters to me at this point...at least I'm one step closer to getting my IB diploma...hehe. APUSH today wasn't that bad either, huh girlies? I'm not jinxing myself. Sooo many people are like, "Pfft that was so easy, I'm getting a five"---and I guarantee you half of them aren't even gonna pass...Sometimes people's confidence scares me. o.O But you ladies are smart. :D

So all I have are AP Bio (kill me now) and AP Lang & Comp next week. I'm feeling relaxed, not as stressed as I used to be. :)
But then again, after AP tests I have SAT IIs...and then after that I have the ACT...and then after that I get to go to CHINA!!

I can finally see my light at the end of the tunnel. It's really dim, though. But it's there. :)

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU GUYS. Y'all are probably studying your butts off and I'm sitting here being all "la la la laaaaa..."

I think I'm going crazy.

Ok. Write soon. Love you all.

<3 WENDY

SUN FUZZIES!

2010-05-02T16:53:00.000-07:00

my friend hannah & I are going to name our group SUN FUZZIES C:
seeing wendy's need for fuzzies reminded me of that (:

It's nice to know that all of us check the blog all the time even if we can't post all the time :'D

wendylove, thankyou.

& love, ohmys ):
all of you are reaching your breaking points because of school ):
Although I think what I've done certainly helps, I don't want to advise you all to do what I've done because quite honestly, my path (LOL, Jedi?) severely limits your options in the future.
I've come to acknowledge that I just don't fare too well in the school system.
All I want is to be happy, and although money would be nice to have in abundance in the future, it's certainly not all that I need. I think I can be happy so long as I have enough.
But I got a little carried away at one point and I nearly stopped caring about school altogether- luckily I got set back on the right path
Maybe not the A path,
or even the B path
but I like to think I'll fare better in College.

College will be easier ladies:

sleep. a lot more. one reason I do miserably in a lot of classes is because I fall asleep through all of them.

& that's all that's really important to me XD
I'm selfish, so I can't sacrifice friends for sleep and therefore my grades have been suffering.
It is beyond an asian fail, it's a take-again-next-year fail LOL.

wow, do you all go to Junior Prom? O:!
I love seeing pictures of my ladies all glammed up (:

your "depressing excuse for a blog post" lets us know that you're alive, and although you're having a bit of trouble (which we need to know! we love you <3) you're still somewhat sane ;D

Love Always,
tracy.

Don't worry, I'm still alive!

2010-04-27T20:47:00.001-07:00

...Just barely though. :P

Sorry for not writing any sooner; life has gotten extremely busy, but that doesn't mean I don't read you guys' posts! I actually check our blog constantly, and while I don't have the time to write something every day, for some reason reading the posts just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I think I've been needing more fuzzies these days.

Soo in response to your posts!
Rosanna: I am soooo happppy for you and Loren, but you already know that. ;P I am also glad that Harmony for Haiti was a success. You put a lot of time and effort into it, and I'm sure all that was reflected that night!
Tracy: Don't you ever think that you are disappointing us, because you don't. You are such a bright young lady, so don't let your insecurities get in the way. It seems as if your relationship with Arthur is going smoothly again; once again though, don't think that you are "disappointing" him or whatever...an attitude like that can make you seem weak, and the least I want to happen is for him to push you around. I'm not saying that happens, I just worry about you. I want you to be happy, and for you to do that, it may be to just sometimes worry about YOUR feelings for once. Think about what makes YOU happy and comfortable, and go with it. Don't think about what others have to say about it...of course there is a time and place to listen to others' opinions and be considerate, but you know what I mean.
Yeana: Once again, I feel as if you can just read my mind, and then write down all the thoughts that I am too afraid to utter out loud. I can almost 100% understand what you are feeling right now, the part about just dropping everything and running away. I understand your apathy and lack of energy. I think you have already decided to run for president, so my advice is probably too late, but nevertheless I think you would make a superior class president. And while campaigning does take time and effort (which you may not have), it may be worthwhile to pursue. However, keep in mind...do not just run because you feel pressured or what not. Since you are so stressed currently, keep your priorities straight and run if you TRULY want to. I think you do?

Anyway, I am just going to follow up on Yeana's post about stress and all that. I have had more breakdowns these past few weeks than I have in my life, altogether. Honestly, I don't know how many times I have wanted to just drop everything and run. Run far away, where I don't have to worry about school and people and this "future" of mine. Girls, I really don't know if I can handle it all. IB/AP tests start next week, and I feel completely unprepared. I stay up later and later each night, and because of that I get crankier and crankier as the days progress. And what is this all for, really? Must I really exert myself this much to obtain a "bright" future? It just doesn't make sense. I really don't know what I'm doing with myself anymore. I don't see a point in anything anymore. I see myself sulking into "depression", and it's scary because I can't get myself out of it. This past weekend was JSA (Junior State of America) Spring State, where I was actually happy. I hadn't been that happy in such a longggg time. Then, I came back to school and once again, everything is going downhill.

But I guess everyone is feeling like this, this time of year. I know I'm not alone, but I feel as if I am. I just don't want to do this anymore. I want to be able to get a full 8 hours of sleep, and I want to be able to watch some TV for once when I get home. I want to have fun carelessly, without worrying about what homework I have to do once I get back. *sigh* And I just want to be happy again, really. I don't know what to do but to keep going...

So prom is this weekend. My apathy has taken over, I'm not even that excited. Hahah. Actually, I am, but not so much as I should be? Idk. I am going with a close guy friend, and honestly I don't even want to go with him anymore. Lol. I know it sounds horrible but idk, I just think it'd be awkward. Oh well, I will try to make the best out of it. :P
Now, I mentioned Spring State earlier. Basically it was FANTASTIC. I won 2 best speaker awards, and had a blast debating and meeting new people. I think politics/diplomacy may be something to look into in the future...I feel this position fits for me. :P

So yes. I hope you all enjoyed my overly depressing excuse for a blog post. HAHA. I really hope you guys aren't as miserable as I am, but knowing you guys...ya'll probably are. Lol. It's ok. We can do this girls. The light is just at the end of the tunnel...and we are reaching that end. Keep your heads up, and don't like anything or anyone bring you down.

I love you all,
WENDY

IMMACREEPER.

2010-04-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

LOLOL. our posts were about an hour off from each other :'D

so i would just like to say, I facebook creeped Loren.

it's only 'cause I love you momma rosie <3

forever a creep,
tracy

quickly...

2010-04-24T19:51:00.000-07:00

Hey Girls!

So tonight was Harmony for Haiti, I just got back, and it went off without a hitch!!!! Its really nice to have it over with and we raised over $1000 for Haiti so it was worth it/

I asked Loren to prom, and he said YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I am very excited and I talked to him more about it today at H4H becasue I elt like I put him on the spot, which I did, but he said that he wouldn't of gone with anyone if I hadn't asked him, so I am excitied

!

Yeana - how was your prom???

Wen - Hows the conference?

Tracy - How are you??? You hvaen't blogged in a while and it concerns me!

I got to go, exhaused! And I have Church, SAT Prep and Recital tomorrow, and did I mention I haven't really buckled down to stdy yet???? for the APs? Whoops.

Let me know how you all are, I get worried.

Love
Rosie

and so,

2010-04-24T18:45:00.000-07:00

hohums. i saw rosanna's post on my facebook and i missed you all terribly. i then came to the blog and i could've sworn i replied. unless that was all in my head D:
or if that was the night i fell asleep at my table =__=
I'm sorry ladies, I could've sworn i responded sooner!

so goodness! are all of you ladies going to J-Prom? O:
SEND ME PICTURES > w <
i don't go 'cause it costs money /:
In fact, I can't go with Arthur to his prom 'cause since my dad doesn't know I can't ask him for wmoney (nor would he give it to me, he'd be busy trying to kill me) and he tried asking his mom to pay for his ticket so he could just pay for mine (his mom doesn't know either) but it seems that it just wasn't meant to work out.
I honestly don't mind, I can go next year. I just feel horrible that he's missing out on his prom because of me ): He has enough money to buy his own ticket and go with his friends but he said instead he wants to have an instead-of-prom date with me, and he'll go to my prom next year.
I don't like...hindering....people.
& I feel like i'm taking away his senior experience from him ):

Yeanababe, if your friends are pushing you to do it, and you really want to do it...do it.
What's the worse that could happen? If the good friends running are really good friends, then they should see you as friendly competition.
Babe, I wish everyone could know about how much you care like we do ):
"I think that's what I fear the most...that they'll think of me as some bitch who thinks she can barge in and try to be a leader."
then they're the bitches whining about it. What's wrong with trying when you're taking it seriously?
Though quite honestly, I don't see student elections as a big whoop at my school...it's more liek the student body is just as important, you're only the president if we think you can represent us to the faculty outstandingly. if you're hot, popular, social, etc. but the faculty hates you....then that's tough noogies. we can't use you as a negotiator.
babe, i wish you the best of luck, i only hope they can see that you seriously have what it takes to be a fantastic president. If you don't get it, don't be too disappointed D: you have plenty of potential to be a great president, your student body just got heatstroke from all of that california sun (IT'S GOING TO RAIN TOMM IN NYC) and that's why they didn't vote for you- they fried their brains!

you need to take a break. skip school for a day ("oversleep") and just spend the day sleeping and catching up on any work you have. if you don't waste the day (spending the entire day on FB, videogames, etc. - you can spend a bit, but not the entire day on such things) then you'll have been entirely productive and if you have friends you can count on they should get you great notes and be able to explain it all to you easy peasy.
this applies to all of you ladies, you all worry me with your tendencies to overwork yourselves O ^ O
OHMYJEEZ. FRANCIS. there's a teacher at my school named francis (last name) and he's pretty young. apparently a lot of girls have crushes on him since he's "hot" and whatnot. I dunno, he's goodlooking I can admit that but I guess I just don't "crush" easily? I can get attached, but it takes a bit for me to fall for a guy. ANYHOOS,
up! <3
my jaw dropped and i thought very loudly (note: THOUGHT. this was in my head.) FANGIRLSCREAM! and the funny thing is, i thought literally "fan girl scream" not "EEEEEK!"...weird.
butbutbut
it's not definite that he's implying something...but he's certainly NOT just saying "i just want to be friends"
i doubt he's stupid
so if he wasn't interested in you he wouldn't touch you or anything. he'd say hi maybe, but that's it. if he just wanted to be close friends but not anything else then he might talk to you, but he wouldn't lean on your shoulder.
I think the tactic to employ to avoid the most damage to the home front (sorry ladies, i'm geeky sometimes. in my english essay we had to attach a list of colleges and i put: The path of the Jedi: *colleges* and then finished off with "however, the path to becoming a jedi can be long and arduous..." =__=)
SO. to minimize the potential damage to your heart: i would say to keep yourself open but not obvious. you can jokingly flirt with him, but don't get nervous and be unable to talk around him- stay yourself! like you would with a friend @__@
what i'm saying makes little to no sense. @__@
i apologize, i'm not very good at this ):

CHICA, COMO ESTAS?
^that's the result of learning a bit of spanish in middle school XDXD
HOW WAS YOUR EVENT? (it was today amiright?)
quite honestly, i'm pretty darn pissed at the people in your school. they shouldn't sign up for things and not follow through. you should've just pretended you couldn't do it all and told them to pick up the slack)
I am angry at them.
I should go over to your school and shank them. (i learned this from my friend :D some guy bullied another one of my friends and she said IF HE DOESN'T GIVE YOU BACK YOUR WALLET I WILL SHANK HIM. <3 oh my puertorican momma!)
by the way, to my rosiemommy, i never got the cardgift ): are you sure you have the address right? O: 211-12 64ave bayside NY 11364
I should go lodge a complaint at the post office and demand that they give me the words of my rosie ):
If anything, I fell asleep during my SATs (yeah, i get that exhausted. sometimes i fall asleep when i'm talking to someone too- IT'S POSSIBLE.) so i'm retaking them in june
but i hope this makes you feel better about your SAT!
by the way. 2000+ is not bad ladies =__=

wendylove (SOUNDS LIKE WENDIGO > w <)
I like to think that's 'cause we're meant for each other (:
and you know what? i think we are.
everyone else in our highschool are all going through high school as well. and yet...we've found each other.
&LOL. for some reason I can't understand what you guys find wrong with clingy guys XDXD well, it depends. if they're clingy and you're just not interested...then i understand! but if you're interested. and he's clingy and therefore OBVIOUSLY interested, then what's the problem? O: I don't think there's something wrong with the way you ladies are thinking, I'd just like some insight into why clingy is frowned upon, this said from a clingy person XDXD
But love, if you're heart is telling you curtis...then maybe you should follow your heart like yeana said. if all goes amiss, then spoil yourself with a good cry, film, and any other guilty pleasures! it also might not be good to go out with jason when you have feelings for curtis O__O I just don't want you to regret anything.

I think I have the qualities you ladies dislike ):
I think I'm clingy. I try not to...but I don't know if it still comes across /:
My grades are a fail. The worse part? It's not "half-hearted" it's...i constantly disappoint myself with my reliance on sleep. I should be able to put studying ahead of getting enough sleep. The most hahahilarious part of it all is that usually girls do worse in their academics when they get a boyfran. I was doing better because he had me go to sleep earlier (he kicked me off aim by saying that he wouldn't go to sleep till i did- and he needs his sleep so i had no choice D:) kicked me off facebook (that didn't do much. but it was something) and i dunno. I just wanted to try harder so he would be happy- proud? of me, that his gf wasn't a stupid person. It worked kind of. I passed a physics test here and there. I stayed awake in classes more often.
So what happened? A new term meant new teachers, so why am I doing worse than ever? I came late to school and my friend got mad at me. She said that she was mad at me because it seemed like I didn't care about school because I was late again for my first period class and that teacher has a strict lateness policy. Am I supposed to tell her that I oversleep because I go to bed late and upset about my dad and how I seem to be going nowhere? I can't. i just can't open up like that, I tell her that I'm disappointed in myself as well, and i'm more than disappointed I hate myself about it- but I can see she doesn't understand nor does she believe me and she just tells me that she's upset at me.
When people say they're "upset" at me, they still act as my friends. What they're saying is that they're upset at me, but they've given up.
I ended up crying once trying to tell arthur that I tried, and I didn't want him to be upset. I didn't want him to know I was crying so I put my head down, but he found out anways because when I couldn't stop, my head was down for a while and one of our friends sitting across us asked if there was something wrong since my head was down and I was quiet and not moving.
I dislike making him sad.

I dislike making any of you ladies sad,
don't be too disappointed in me-please,
tracy.

A little bit of time on my hands...

2010-04-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

Hello ladies

We're in standardized state testing week, so I have a taaaaad bit of time. (In California it's called STAR.)

To my dearest Rosanna:

We're always here for you, so vent away! Everyone needs an outlet. :]

Also, don't doubt your abilities! You're an amazingly smart and organized person, and any college should be happy to take you.

About Harmony for Haiti -

it's a wonderful thing that you're doing, and I'm sure everyone will realize what a huge job you're undertaking. Let those girls know that as co-chairs they should make themselves models for everyone else, not try to stand out. If it's a stage they want, they can move their asses to the freakin' city and see if anyone wants to take them. I've seen our stage managers work and I know it's a stressful job...let those girls know what being a leader means, because if anyone has the right to tell them, you do.

As for prom, go with someone you'll have a blast with! :] That's my philosophy on dance dates. If you're a type of person who loves to dance, make sure you go with someone who's a good dancer. If you'd rather socialize, go with someone you'll be sure to have fun talking to, taking pictures with, eating, etc. Have fun! :]]]]] I will expect to see pictures. <333

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Class elections are starting up, and a few of my good friends are pushing me to run for president. I'd run if I knew I had some more support...but as of now, I feel as though I'm everyone's last choice on the ballot. Then there's also the fact that I'm running against some of my good friends. They may be good friends, but they're all very competitive and I know at least one of them wants me out of it. Did I mention that they're all popular girls?

I really do care about our class and I want to see us make some big strides next year, and most of all, I want to lead them to it. I don't know how to get people to believe that; it's the same thing everyone says. I want people to know that I'm sincere and that I really believe that I have the potential to lead this class through their senior year-what should be their best year of high school.

But I feel like I have no chance. People are bound to vote for their friends, and I'm not one of those people who is best friends with someone as soon as they walk into my class. I'm not socially outgoing most of the time, and I only have a small group of very close friends about me. Seeing as how I'm up against this year's president, this year's vice president, and a popular & good looking girl, I really feel like there's no point in making an effort. At this point in the year, energy is something that I no longer possess. I feel apathetic towards everything, but I know that if I ran and didn't get it, I'd really be disappointed in myself. At the same time, if I didn't run at all, I'd be dissatisfied for a very long time.

I'm hoping that my friends are mature enough to not...hate me over (and possibly after) these next few weeks. I think that's what I fear the most...that they'll think of me as some bitch who thinks she can barge in and try to be a leader.

After seeing my grades plummet during and after the musical, my self esteem is at an all-time low. I always think about running, but never really do it.

Should I just run and see where the path leads me? I'm at a loss...I'm just so tired now that I can't find the strength to push myself any further. It feels like I've been running a marathon, and now, at the final stretch, my physical and mental health is failing me. The finish line looks so blurry that I just want to close my eyes and fall; just let everything go and run far, far away from all of this competition, all of this stress, this mess I have to call my life. With this kind of mindset can I really lead a class?

Hola Chicas!

2010-04-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

Hey you guys!

Thank you all for your support, and I am doing better, learing to cope, but the situation just keeps getting worse and worse. I feel like I am in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one hears me, no one at all.

So I am still super stressed and super super overwhelmed, but finishing my research paper (as stupid ad it may sound) really took a load off. Honestly, I just felt like a weight lifted off my chest and, for the first time in a long time, I remember smiling. (I know that sounds weird, but its true)

Headaches are still so painful: I hae tried to get about 7 hours of sleep everynight, but the headaches oddly get worse. I am going to the neurologist soon so hopefully they will know something I don't but i have started getting really naseaus and dizzy in school especially and I don;t know what to do.....

MY RANT: (sorry) So my event that I am planning, Harmony for Haiti, is going to happen Saturday the 24th, and honestly, I am excited for it to be over. I am SICK of people taking credit for the stuff that I do and I am so glad it is ending. I basically did this entire thing myself and I wonder if I hadn't signed on as co-chair, what I would do. After all, I have: printed and cut the tickets, made and copied and hung up the posters, wrote the announcement for the school morning news, organized for a commercial to be made to play on the morning (school news), I am making the program, printing, and folding them, I am the head if concessions and let me tell you, its hard trying to get enough donations for 200+ people..., I am stage manager, and I am basically doing all of this by myself. Honestly, I am beside myself with stress about this whole event. And the people that are supposedly co-chairing this event are only being dramatic and taking the credit, 3 of them insit that both their groups MUST do 2 songs, but we made everyone only pick one... and its only because they are co-chairs. I think that is the worst thing that they could think - "we are better than them and can theredore play 2 songs..." WTF?!?!?!? So I am basically being forced to plan this event by myself, and its hard because, while I have planned other events, this is the biggest and most technical one becsaue you need to tlak to the lighting and soind people and make sure that everything runs smoothly and make sure the performers know the order in which they are supposed to go.. and blah blah blah blah blah.

I am tired and cranky... but what's new...?

On a happier note, I have a prom dress and shoes and accessories but I am lacking a date, but I have 2 people in mind that i can ask, no not loren, a senior that is a really good friend (since freshamn year for me) and someone in my grade that I think of as a brother, either way, I know I can;t go wrong because they are such gentlemen....

Ummm why did someone invent AP Exams? Atleast Yeana and Wendy have had since the midpoint/end of August... I started school in the middle of spetember, and my teacher flat out told us he wont get through all the material and its up to us to learn from basically the 60/70s on...

Anywho,
Wendy - I really don;t know what to tell you about your boy situation, I know I have texted with you on this and I don;t know what else to say... but I am here if you need me!

Yeana - I saw all the photos from YAGMCB and it looked so good! I feel like your school puts a lot of emphasis on the arts and it makes me really glad that you are in such a good program! And let me know when you are going to be in the NE!!!

Tracy - thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it. And i am taking it that your card/gift never got to you? Well, someone got a nice surprise; I am sending down another one and it should be there by next weekend..... :)

So I think I found that I want to go to the College of the Holy Cross.... I am not even kidding. Its so weird becasue I wanted a larger school, but i just have a really good feeling about it. And sadly, with my grandfather's death coinsiding with midterms, I am thinking it will keep me from being admitted, not to metion my SATs weren't so swell...

What's new with all of you? I am sorry for using this blog as my venting source, I really am, but I really don;t feel like I have anyone right now, and I feel like you guys are all I have. I hope you are all doing well!

All my love forever,
Rosie

I Return :]

2010-04-12T19:18:00.001-07:00

Hello ladies,

Spring Break has just started and I have returned from Los Angeles with the choir. I had a blast...but I came home incredibly tired and spent most of today sleeping.

Anyways...

Wendy; I totally know what you mean when you talk about always feeling like the third wheel. I felt it more than ever when I was at LA; I mean, I had fun, but I felt like everyone was paired off except for me. Everywhere we went, we always had an odd number of people because of me. Our group was basically made up of two couples, me, and a girl and the guy she was crushing on. I didn't even know she liked him until the night of the second day; until then, I was thinking he was a cute guy and trying to get to know him. Once she told me, I couldn't get close to the guy intentionally...it just seemed wrong.

Whatever, I still had fun. On the first day we went to a wax museum with figures of celebrities. The second and third days were devoted to Disneyland and the competition (we took second place), and we spent the last day in Universal Studios and the bus.

Ahh, the bus ride home.

We had a full bus and I had an empty seat next to me (no surprise there). Francis came on the bus, looking for a seat, and sat down next to me.

The first two hours were extremely awkward. Neither of us really said anything, we just kind of plugged into our iPods and phones, and I fell asleep (or tried to sleep, there were a pair of girls laughing obnoxiously behind us, occasionally kicking the seats). Then he texted me a message about the girls behind us, which broke the ice. We just talked and watched the movie that was playing (Up), and it felt really comfortable, like we were just friends chillin together. It felt like the way it should always have felt, without all of these weird moments interrupting our friendship. Anyways, as we watched the movie, we both fell kind of quiet. I was enjoying the movie, and he was sleeping.

I'm still wondering why he did what he did in the moments that followed.

He leaned his head on my shoulder and kept it there for a while. I'm sure it wasn't comfortable; my shoulder isn't the greatest place to sleep on. Anyways, I stayed unnaturally still until he moved his head away.

After a while, he woke up. Then he gave me one of his earphones and we both listened to his music. I don't know how to feel. I really just want to move on, and just be his friend. But when he does stuff like this, it just confuses me. It didn't feel like we were just listening to music; our faces were close next to each other...it was...close in general. I don't know. He confuses me.

Those are the extent of my guy problems. Sigh.

To Rosanna: I'm with Tracy on the headache issue. I really think you need to get some rest, babe. Working hard is good and great, but in the end, you're only human. And again with Tracy, don't let other people define who you are. Cliques can only define a piece of you; the whole Rosanna is so complex and deep that it would be a crime to cover it up. Let your individuality shine, sweetheart.

Tracybabe, I'm glad to see you're back. :] I will definitely give that book a whirl soon. If you ever need to give Nega-Tracy a swift kick in the butt, hit me up and I will perform the act quickly and smoothly. >:]

And to Wendy.

Sometimes we just need the challenge, as you put it. Sometimes the guy who's harder to get is more attractive. And sometimes 17-year-olds fall in love, and to hell with what the rest of the world says.

I say follow your heart. If things don't work out, no sweat. Order up some pizza, turn on a good chick flick, and spend the day wrapped up in a blanket. I find that always helps. Then call up a bunch of girlfriends, forbid them to talk about boys until you start talking, and go do something awesome with them.

I hope everyone is doing well. AP season's coming up; good luck to all!

Love,
Yeana

Hello All!

2010-04-07T19:51:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes I really wonder if we all go through the same things just because it's high school...or if it's because we're really all meant for each other. :P

I like to think it's the latter.

So as I've told Yeana and Rosanna, I'm basically going through the same things they are. Boys, friends, and just finding enough time to do everything in this vicious cycle we call LIFE. Btw Yeana, I can relate to the stress that comes along with drama and your musicals, but I think you should stick with it. I noticed my grades slipping during the busiest times during marching season, but you just gotta pull through. Keep a strict schedule, and don't allow for easy distractions. Also, I've had to make a lot of sacrifices...and I'm sure you have made your share too. We just have to keep our priorities straight. As for the parents issue...*sigh*, that is one you'll have to discuss with them yourself. :/
At least you're sounding better, Tracy. I hope all is well. :)

So let's see what's new in Land O' Lakes. Well, as I've already mentioned to Rosanna, I have a friend problem. It's a reoccuring one and I'm sure I've mentioned it before. I guess I'm just feeling really lonely these days. I look around me and I see people pairing off...leaving me with no one. I mean of course I have you guys and my good friends outside of school, but what about these kids that I have to see every single day of my high school career? I have plenty of friends and a good core group, but I can't seem to find my "other"; you know, that friend who supposedly shares a brain with you and is supposed to be there for you no matter what? You guys have weekend sleepovers and pick each other for project partners--always. Well, I guess I have several of those type of "friends" but if someone were to ask me who my BESTEST friend was (juvenile, yes), I'd say...my mother? Seriously. I don't know if that's sad or what, but really. I've been feeling like a third wheel recently, and I feel as if I'm being constantly replaced. I don't really know what to do, you know?

Anyways...moving on...So the boy(s) issue. There are two main guys in my life right now who I generally care about (romantically). I've talked about both: Jason (the clingy Chinese guy) and Curtis (the best guy friend who has rejected me before). They are, in essence, completely different regarding their relationships with me. Only similarity is that they are both my best guy friends. Hahah. Jason really does like me, a lot, and he shows it. He is so incredibly talented and smart and sometimes I wonder how a guy like him would like a girl like myself. Yes, he does get clingy, but I hung out with him last week, one and one...and I feel really comfortable with him. Like I feel he really understands me and he won't judge me or anything. I feel...free, when I'm with him. Curtis, on the other hand, is just confusing. He has rejected me before, though I can't seem to stop liking him. I've liked him since middle school because he is just so close to perfect. I mean, he has his faults, but he is such a gentleman. He's naturally flirty and really doesn't mean to, so sometimes his actions may lead me on. But, I know that, and I know that he would neverrr like me. So why do I like him so much? I think a big difference between him and Jason is that I am much more physically attracted to him than I am to Jason. I just can't figure Curtis out. I don't understand how such a down to earth guy is so unattainable. And of course, us girls are more attracted to "the challenge". So what should I do? I mean, should I just forget about Curtis and go with Jason, the safer choice? I mean, I know Jason's feelings for me and I know that he would be good for me...but why does my heart keep on telling me to chase after Curtis? I personally believe that you can love someone without them loving you back, and sometimes, when I'm talking with Curtis and I'm looking him in the eyes, I really do feel as if I love him. I know it's crazy, and I know I'm being uber cheesy, but this is my romantic side coming out. Haha. But seriously. What if I love the kid? Maybe I'm just being immature but I'm 17 and have had my share of unnerving relationships...I think I have a strong grasp on my feelings by now. So I don't know what to do with myself, and I don't know what to think. Please just tell me what to do and I'll do it! Lol...

I'm such a mess right now, haha. I guess I've thought a lot during this Spring Break. Hehe. Not thinking much about school; 3rd quarter was a breeze. I can only hope the LAST QUARTER of JUNIOR YEAR is the same (haha see my excitement?! :P) but I know we've got testing soon! Argh. I neeed to start studying.

Well, that's pretty much it. Besides my occasional moments of sheer depression, I'm doing okay! I could be better, but I'm okay. I really do miss you guys.

Write soon.
<3 WENDY

Rosanna.

2010-04-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

Love, don't you dare feel apologetic in the least for "ranting"
I don't see this as a rant, i see it as you opening up a bit of your heart to us, that you need us.

oh rosanna.
first of all, your headaches may be due to either your lack of sleep or that you're simply taking on too much.
a LOT has happened to you. Part of you may just want to be spoiled and do nothing but of coarse the determined part of you keeps on working and for some infeasible reason you still sign up to co chair school functions D:

you can do what i do?
i've pretty much limited friends to the internet (facebook!) but mostly really to SCHOOL. and that's where i socialize with them. if they want to hang out they'll have to wait for a weekend or a school break. now if i could just break my manga habit, i'd have more time to sleep =__=
but really
i think i'm just a bad friend. i enjoy socializing, but at the same time- i was never the kid who went to the park /: i wasn't allowed out and i grew to like playing with just my imagination which is kind of weird XDXD
but love, i really do think you're taking on so much. ):

try not to let your school being clique-ish stop you, THEY SHOULDN'T DARE TO TRY TO BOX YOU IN AND STICK A LABEL ON YOU D<

on your brighter note, outside of a mcdonalds i saw someone dressed up as the easter bunny and i wanted to hug him.
but i didn't ;__;

Love Always,
tracy.

I love that book

2010-04-03T19:22:00.000-07:00

Queridas!

I love Tuesdays with Morrie, I think that Mitch Albom is a very good writer.

Anywho, I only have a short time to post, so I am going to vent (and then address you guys in another post)

So, I guess you can say that today was my Tuesday. I got up, ran some errands, and then worke for 10 hours straight, I am taking a break to blog, and then going back to working. With my job, there is a lot of time to think: I put a sticky label on an envelope, and repeat this motion over and over. My mind was everywhere today: everywhere. But it all comes back to friends, it is just haunting me, I guess I am having a 1/8 life crisis, if there is even such a thing.

Life is coming and happening so fast, sooner than I would like, APs are upon me, the musical ended, NYSSMA is coming (an evaluation program for your musical abilities), SATs/ACTs, my cousin's 1st Communion, my 17th birthday, prom... the list goes on and on.
But I am still in this rut, I am happy, so so happy, but in this rut.
I need your guys' advice on what to do. I am so stuck right now, when I actually think hard about my situation, I get tears in my eyes, I think of texting someone, but then realize that this is a face-to-face kind of talk I need to vent. But who do i vent to about my friendship issues? I don't know. The people I am feeling isolated from, the people who are across the US, the people that I do theater with and i know are always there for me? They have thier own problems... so why should I put mine on them?

Wendy- do you know those headaches i was having after NSLC? Well, I am still having them, but I finally went to a neurologist and they took an MRI (which was one of the worst medical procedures I have had done to me in my life, mainly because the nurse was an idiot), and everything is fine, but they have been affecting me, badly. I feel like this is one of the reasons why I am feeling so alone, on top of losing a dear family friend, a relative, and my grandfather, and all the stressors that life has, it has left me confused. Really confused.

I know I am just ranting and not making sense, so i am sorry. It's just that I really don't know how to handle this, so I am going to start from the beginning, please bear with me.

When I transffered into my highchool, I knew all of about 5 people total. It was one of the best decisions ever, because I could make friends with people who liked me for me, or so I thought. Freshamn year I was really quiet, i was in advanced classes, so I found many nice, smart people to hangout with, I became friends with many different people from many different groups, and I still am to this day, but its not the same. Freshamn year, I got my bearings. Sophmore year, I thought that I had found the 2 main 'groups' I was going to hang out with. (My school is very clique-ish). They were my theatre frineds and friends I had classes with. Sophmore year, everything was great, I became more opiniated and felt more confident, which honestly helped me make the decision to go to NSLC. Junior year started out great. I thought I knew where I belonged, I really did. I had my few close best friends, that I told everything to, and I was happy, I think that we all were.
A lot of stuff has happened this year, good and bad, I am sure that you knew a lot of the bad, but it was ok. I had my friends by my side, supporting there and lifting me up from simple things, like wearing something that they knew I thought was thier cutest outfit to hugging me when I broke out intears in school. But then, everything changed, and I don;t know if it was for the better.
I had a friend that I became really closet o during sophmore year, we are still good frineds, but in a few short months, i went from calling her sobbing, when I found out my grandfather's fate, to being very coridal with her during our prep and before school started. I started eating lunch in the chorus room, a place that I know i can always find a theatre friend, and that was ok with me. It wasn't like I felt like I was included in the conversation at lunch anywhere other than the chorus room. I am now really close to 2 friends from chorus/musical/I have known them since freshman year: Jillian and sarah.
To be honest there was always a part of me that kept them out of my life, the deep stuff atleast, my problems at home, the secrets I have been carrying around with me, but now they are some of the only people that I feel like I can talk to and they won't get aggrivated and just started to raise their voice and get mad at me. They will just let me talk, and just let me cry because they want me to get it all out and be there for me. But i haven't because it was just Sarah's birthday and I didn't want to take that away from her, they are both getting their wisdom teeth out this week (we are off from school) and I don;t want to bother them.
So I am in this rut, becoming what I see my parents do, just work and work and work and work until I am too tired to do anything else.
This week I have off, but I am still very very busy: I am working 2 jobs, one all day babysitting, one when i het home (lbeling) going on college visits, organizing 2 school events/functions that I am co-chair on and trying to hang out with friends.

I think that I have lost my balance, and I am at a standstill at how to get it back. Please help me, I don;t know where else to go. I know that we all have our own problems, but it is getting hard for me to deal. What do i do?

On a brighter note: I hope that the Easter Bunny is good to you all, and if that is not your thing, I hope you have a lovely Easter!!!!

All my love,
rosanna

Tuesday is over, I AM BACK.

2010-03-31T14:09:00.000-07:00

To my lovely ladies,

Tuesday is finally over, and I wasn't quite myself that day. I took the day to be on my own and I went walking despite the rain
I ended up wandering by the library so I went in and read a book that I'm really glad I read. I'd always heard of it, but never really gotten around to reading it- Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
It's a spectacular book, I feel...calmer, more at peace with myself
It sounds somewhat silly, but it really helped me (I'm going to name my kid Morrie now (; )
or if you just want a good read, give that book a try
It just seems that we're all exhausted from school and if this book helps then that'd be great /:

CONGRATS TO ROSANNA FOR GETTING INTO NATIONAL HONOR SOCIETY!!

Wendylove, Yeana's absolutely right- you don't have to look drop dead gorgeous in a cute outfit all the time!
But goodgosh, NSLC flashback...we were in Georgetown I think, and Matteo was asking us why we wanted to find a cute outfit so badly & yeana spoke the words of a prophet saying something along the lines that it felt good to feel cute.
I dunno. It might be easier if we didn't care but I don't think it's possible for us to stop.

You've got to talk to this friend to get her to see that pushing you away won't solve anything ): You're a fantastic person and because she can see that she doesn't want you to get hurt?

to everyone:
boys...
BOYSBOYSBOYS D: GAHADJFSK
guys always say what we want other guys to say, and guys are clingy when we wish it was someone else /:

they drive us mad.
'nuff said?

BYTHEWAYS, i looked @ the facebook of that Francis guy, and for sure he's a cutiepie but babe, i know you're a B A B E <3 and if no guy has the -prepare yourself!- balls to ask you out then you don't need them, there's next year [:

gradesgradesgrades /:
you shouldn't ask me how i do it, 'cause quite honestly my grades are rather shabby. I'm working on improving my grades, conversations at the dinner table get touchy when that topic comes up >__<

Babe, there'll be theatre in college so if you're unsure of it now then you don't have to feel obligated to it. I know you love it, just remember that you'll have forever to continue it & it's just that right now you seem to be going over a rough patch with some much happening around you!

Also, love at first note?
I honestly think that's beautiful. It's really not that creepy, rest assured.

Rosanna, you've been through a lot.
& I understand that it's difficult to talk about things that you simply don't know how to talk about ]:

I think I'm back, and I think I'm a-okay,
tracy

Post-Charlie Brown

2010-03-30T21:03:00.000-07:00

Hello my ladies,

Charlie Brown was an amazing show - it's been such a huge part of my life for the past few months that my life feels rather...empty now that it's over. Oh well. There will be more shows...I hope.

My parents are really trying to make me stop taking drama. :/ I have to admit, it adds a lot of stress to my life, it's a huge time commitment, and I probably wouldn't do it if we didn't do the musical. I always consider quitting it until around this time every year. Then musical season comes around and I fall in love again.

Speaking of love...

A few days ago our theatre class/club/group/thing went to a theatre competition at a local community college. My friend, Max, and I were running around watching different events and we eventually found ourselves in the Maxi Musical competition space - this is a competition where schools put together roughly 10 minutes of a musical and perform it. We saw several shows, Seussical the Musical (which was...not very good...), Sweeney Todd (which was decent), and Aida.

We fell in love with Aida.

This school was amazing; it seemed like all of the talent in California was focused into this one school. They had the dancers, the singers...it was amazing.

More than that, I think I really fell in love.

The boy who was playing Radames (the main male role in Aida) had a voice that literally had me clutching my chest and holding my breath, clenching my legs, arms, teeth; he was amazing. I went up to him after the competition and let him know that I thought he'd done a wonderful job. He thanked me and that was that.

The next day of the competition, Max and I went again to watch the finals for the Maxi Musical competition. Again, this boy had me on my feet, giving them a standing ovation at the end of their performance. Anyways, this time I went up to him and found out his name and school.

I felt very stalkerish, but I added him on facebook. :/ I still don't know whether that was the right choice or the wrong choice. But once I realized he'd rejected my friend request I sort of felt like dying. I crawled into bed and slept for two hours.

I guess to him I'm just some weird girl he doesn't even know. But I really wanted to get to know this guy...I just wanted to get to know him. I don't know. Was I being a creep? Right now I feel like I was. But at the same time...I don't know. It took several episodes of The Office and many friends' counsil to get me to feel better. It still hurts inside, though.

Love at first sight? Nah...it was love at first note.

But little seems to be working out in my life right now. Strangely, the more I talk about this, the more I feel like a creep.

Ugh.

Anyways, Charlie Brown was an amazing show. I fell in love with my character (Sally)...I can still do her voice. :]

Other than that, my grades are suffering because I've been so busy. How do you guys do it?

Junior prom is coming up here...as of now my future looks bleak. If a guy doesn't ask me within the next few days I have to decide whether to go alone or not. I don't know if I want to go alone. After this whole singing-boy incident, I'm not very much interested in other guys. It really does kind of sting me inside. But prices go up after this week. Bleh. Guys either need to make a move or...I need to give up hope.

Wendy! Are those pictures from junior prom??? :DDD You look shmexy as always, darlin'. :]]

Missin' all of you from Cali,
Yeans

Real quick!

2010-03-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to let you guys know...I spent like half an hour last night just looking through our pictures from camp...
Ahhh I really miss you guys. :(

Things have been stressful once again from me! Spring break is just a couple of days, but our teachers have crammed soo much stuff into this week.

The boy(s) situation is looking bleak...have I ever mentioned how CLINGY some boys can be?!

Ugh more to come...I still have much to do, but I reallly do miss you guys oh so much, so I had to leave a post!

Text me sometime! I get lonely in Land O' Lakes! Hahaha...

<3333
WENDY

Period 4!

2010-03-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

I have digital photography at the moment and I just wanted to say hello to you ladies, and thank you for being there for me.

I may (and probably do) sound like a girl disillusioned by love,
but I think that I'm my own worst enemy so don't worry about him hurting me in any way (intentionally anyways.)
I think he's rather harmless,
this may be silly,
but I think he's either a gentleman, or he's...afraid? to touch me or something.
perhaps he'll think i'll break.
or perhaps he's simply not interested since I lack certain secondary characteristics /:
enough of that silliness!

Spring Break!

I can't figure out how to use the webcam on this gosh be darned mac. otherwise i'd leave a funny face photo to let you all know that I'm fine > ^ <
Love Always,
tracy.

Azn Sensation :]

2010-03-20T23:56:00.000-07:00

Hello ladies!

We're all just blogging in a wave. aren't we? :]

To Tracybabe:

Please call or text us. You don't have to/shouldn't have to torment yourself like this. I'm genuinely worried about you; I love you babe, and I hate seeing you like this. Whether it's Arthur or not, you need to talk to someone. Sure, one drink won't hurt. But that one drink can lead to so many other things, babe. Please please please don't hurt yourself...we love you and care about you. Hugs and kisses.

Also, I am praying for your father.

Rosanna: Charlie Brown is an amazing show. :] I got sick a few days before we opened so my voice isn't doing so well but my acting has never been better. I actually feel like I am Sally when I'm on stage. We're playing again next Friday and Saturday, so hopefully my voice will be at its best once again. :]

If there's a downside to this, my grades are now suffering. =.= But it's worth the compliment I got from my deathly intimidating drama teacher. ^^

There are pictures all over Facebook! Please look-if you guys can't be here to see me in person I definitely want you to see what I'm up to. :]]]]

Wendy:

Standardized tests can SUCK ITTTTT.

That being said...

Boys gotta realize, girls need downtime too. Sometimes we have to dress un-cute because we physically cannot do anything. As for the two guys who are on your tail, I have some advice, but this might not be the best advice in the world...

When I feel like a guy is being really annoying, I just break off any forms of contact for a few days/weeks if needed. It sends them the message really quickly...again, this might not be the best way of doing things. :/ But if you just want them to get that you're not interested, it does work. :/

<3 you. :]

While in Charlie Brown I was reunited with Francis. I don't know if you guys remember who he is, but I talked about him a while back. Anyways, I don't know what's up with this guy but whenever he's around I catch myself falling for him. T^T I don't think he's with me though; he's all over another girl right now. I love the "other girl" (I guess that's how I have to describe her :/), she's a senior with talent and promise and a lovely face and personality, but sometimes when she and Francis are together a little monster called jealousy starts creeping around my stomach. I don't know. :/ I want Francis to ask me to junior prom but I don't really think it'll happen...meh. I suppose I'll get over it once Charlie Brown ends...

As for Haley, I really just want to be friends with him. But for some strange reason I keep getting the feeling that he doesn't. He came to see the show tonight and met me after the show behind the theatre with my other friends. They were all saying that the show was cute and everyone was very cute in their costumes and whatnot...then while everyone was talking to someone else Haley said "Well...you're always cute."

GAH.

Why do guys always say the things you want other guys to say?

Anyways...I smiled and laughed and ran away.

Sigh. Anywhoo, I miss y'all. I saw Caro and Tucky's pictures and got insanely nostalgic. :/ I wish we could all meet up in Kentucky. :]

Love,
Yeans

Hello Ladies!

2010-03-20T23:12:00.000-07:00

Hey Girlies~

The beginning of my post will also be towards Tracy:

I completely agree with Wendy sweetie, something is not right with your realtionship. And I am only saying this becasue I love you and want you to be ok, which you obviously aren't. It really scares me, like Wendy said, that you did turn to drinking (even if it was only once) and that you are so insecure, becasue I want you to be confident with who you are around your friends and significant others. You are an amazing, sweet, bright, intelligent and funny girl. It kills me to know that you are in so much pain, but you still are, and I know that I can't really help you. I want you to be ok, and I want you to be in a healthy realtionship where you don't feel insignificant and belittled, at all. I am sorry if this is being tough on you, but I love you and I want you to know that I am always here, but I back up Wendy's post.
(And I am sorry that I haven't checked my blog sooner...)
There is some kind of abuse in your realtionship, and you NEED to take a step back and regroup. If you are scared that he is going to leave you, so therefore you need to latch on, that worries me (The past is the past and I do think that it will stay there). But nevertheless if he doesn't realize that you are a blessing to his life, he is stupid. The pain that he causes you is not ok, at all. You can't put all of the blame on your self sweetie.
Keep us posted on this, please. You may feel like you are alone, but we are here so you aren't. We got your back!

Ok - to address someother things:

Yeana- How was YAGMCB?!?!?!?! I am sure that you did spectacular!

Wendy- 1. You are not crazy at all. 2. I completely understand the whole drama thing and I am sorry that you are going through it. My advice to you is put on a cardigan and a nice pair of dark wash jeans - that always help me when I have bad days! Boys, sadly, are idiots, they don't understand life ... and it sucks, because, as you said, they can't take a hint. And you are NOT stupid missy. AT ALL ~ and don't let some standardized test tell you that you are, because its not right. YOU ARE A SMART COOKIE ~ please be confident in that fact. Sometimes life just puts you in a rut and its ok to be there for a while, but you eventually need to take initiative and get yourself out of it; go out on a limb, wear a cute nice outfit to school! What's it going to hurt? :)

To be honest, I think I am in the same rut Wendy is. The musical for my school was this weekend, and it is going great, but it is exhausting, and I am getting sick of some people in the cast that think they are better than everyone else. I am in a weird place with friends right now too. I don't know how to describe it; I love them all, but some of the things that they complain about are so trivial, I sometimes wonder what I saw in them in the first place. And I know this is bad, becasue some of them do have legitimate probelms, but after the year I had (which in retrospect, hasn;t been that bad so I don't know why I phrased it that way) I wonder why it matters if your hair is out of place, or your bag doesn't match your shoes.... it doesn't mean you are having a horrible life. I am so confused in general, I don;t know where I fit in right now, and I really upsets me. So eventhough I try to hide it from my friends, they can tell something is wrong, and while I can't hit it on the head, its there, but it is hard to explain this to my friends, so they just get aggrivated. And I have some frineds that I know are there for me no matter what (but they are only in the muscial with me and we don;t have any classes together, so it is hard to see them, becsaue weekends are so busy for everyone) I don;t even know. Junior year just sucks a lot and I want it to be over, but I did get into National Honor Society (and while that may not be a major achievement, it says that I am doing somethings right.)

Anywho... BLOG!!!! It is 2:37 here so I am exhausted, but I love you all mucho!
Rosanna

Hello from Lando! (I'm such a poet.)

2010-03-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the beginning of my post will be addressed towards Tracy...but to be quite frank, I am VERY WORRIED about you.
So your whole insecurity about Arthur. When you first told us, I could understand. Everyone gets insecure around the ones they love. But now that you've explained things further...I'm getting a bit suspicious. (Btw, don't take anything I say to heart, I am saying what I have to say because I love you and care about you sooo much). Ok first of all, he says mean things to you. He really does, from what you tell us. Second of all, you've resorted to drinking (I don't care if it's just once) to relieve the pain that he's caused you. You cry all the time about him, and it's evident that you blame yourself f0r all that pain. Honey, I'm just going to be honest here...You're in a mentally abusive relationship. You really are, I can tell. I don't care if he says things to "reassure" you, this whole relationship is not healthy. While you may be overreacting on some aspects (like the whole not calling thing), I really don't think he's treating you well enough. And most of all, I think you love him so much to the point where you don't see any of this. That's the scary part...and trust me, I see this all the time in girls. Please take a step back and look at all the times you've cried because of him, and please don't tell me that all that pain caused was by you!
As for the past, let go of it. He is with YOU not her, so you don't need to worry about it. Nevertheless, I still think that he is not treating you well enough if you are this insecure about your relationship. It's not healthy.

Rosanna and Yeana, please help me out, I'm not crazy am I?

Tracy...just listen to me, take a step back, and look at your relationship as an outsider, as a person who doesn't love her boyfriend as much as you do. Are you really happy? Do you really deserve this crap and all this drama?!

Btw, I am praying for your dad. I know he is a good person, because he has a daughter great like you!

Ok now that I'm done being Dr. Phil (this isn't over, btw)...Hahaha.
So life here has been mellow. IB is killing me, it really is. At least the SATs are over and I can relax for another week or so until I get my scores back...I pray that they are high enough so I don't have to take them AGAIN. I really think I'm stupid.

Anyway, much drama is going on. I have this friend who thinks she's protecting me by pushing me away...and I have two guys whom I have no interest in (but matter a lot to me as good friends) asking me out, constantly. Basically, I can't say no. I just leave them subtle hints but of course boys are stupid and OBLIVIOUS.
In all actuality, I'm not really happy. I don't know why, but I feel life has just been a drag. I wake up dreading school, and I go to school looking like crap. (I seriously haven't worn a decent, cute outfit in months). I don't give a hoot about things anymore and I get worn out by the tiniest things. I need to find that optimistic, happy-go-lucky Wendy again, but she's nowhere to be found.

*sigh*
Help me.

I really miss you guys. I am surrounded by so many immature, pathetic people nowadays that I seriously feel sometimes you guys are the only sane ones in my life...Haha.

Love you all,
WENDY.

REGULAR FONT GOOD, TEENY TINY FONT IS OPTIONAL TO READ

2010-03-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

I just want to say thankyou to my lovely ladies. (:

I have seriously neglected our togetherability blog,
and that is NOT legit. ]:

I'm not quite sure what's going on, I feel like part of me is still living my life and acting like me
but when i get home and i'm just by myself, i feel lost?
I avoided the blog 'cause I can't keep anything from you ladies, but I don't even know what's going on inside my head, it feels cluttered.

to yeana&rosanna, G'LUCK WITH YOUR MUSICALS [:
wendyyyy (: TENNIS BEAST.

rosannamomma, hang in there. I'm a bit shaky at the moment, but i'm still here for you.
have you any videos of you singing? [:
alsoalso, oolala Loren Cao (;
HOW'S IT GOING? *WINKWINKPRODPROD*
by the way, I'm working on getting a cardigan <3

wendylove,
in fact. all of you ladies. CHILL OUT. actually, you're probably tired of hearing that. FREAK OUT ALL YOU NEED TO GIRL. it's all good, if you trip from freaking out we'll be here to catch you. you girls are legitimately SMART and will do FINE. if you dont get into the colleges you wanted, s'alright i have unwavering faith that you'll all get into fantastic colleges nonetheless. You all work so hard O ^ O (makes me feel lamer than i already do >__O)

yeanababe,
i worry for haley. you're simply so bright and dazzling that he's probably bewildered thinking that he may have a romantic future with you. If he seems to be under the impression that you like him in a way that you don't, maybe you could drop hints here and there? Tell him how awesome of a friend he is, that he's like a brother perhaps?
you can be evil like me and call him bro- but you may end up like me and hate yourself =_=

thankyou for the birthday wishes ladies <3
i haven't gotten around to responding on facebook > ^ <
i love you all [:

now skippero to the end!

ah, i did what you ladies suggested.
we talked.
earlier that day i had been with a friend and something upsetting happened to her
and she's very dear to my heart
so i started crying for her
the end result?
we cheered each other up (why did i need cheering up? XD)
and later on I teased her by telling arthur that she made me cry
while i was walking to the train station with arthur, he told me somewhat confidently "I've never made you cry [: "
ah. silence on my part.
he never made me cry intentionally ladies
i think I made myself cry?
@_@
goodness. i've been neglected the blog so much that you guys aren't up to date with my psychoness D:
basically...>__>
there's me. and that horrible part of me that I told you all about, the horrible part of me that is scared that he'd fall out of love with me and with his ex girlfriend. 'cause quite honestly, she's gorgeous. And I mean it. She takes beautiful photographs as well. she's got fantastic hair. and she has done what i've always wanted but my parents would possibly probably throw me out- piercings.
I don't quite seem like the type to get facial piercings, but I'm quite fond of certain mangas and thus I grew fond of visual kei, and I wanted a lip ring. well, she has one. and it looks good on her. so now i no longer- well. i don't want to get one because it would remind me- and possibly him- of her.
she was nicknamed(?) pikachu. I can't look at a pikachu anymore without feeling that morbid feeling inside.
i'm scared because she's still in his life, she's like a brother to him
she dumped him. she's amazing. if she were to want him back...?
then i slap myself in the face. don't be silly, right?
i then proceed to hate myself for being so pathetic. /:
all in all? if i weren't so very afraid of her i'd admire her. or maybe i do already.
yes, well
i would reply to his facebook messages
but eventually he stopped replying?
"He just doesn't go on facebook a lot anymore. s'okay."
But when he won't reply to any messages you send, why would he leave paragraph responses to pikachu? ouch ouch ouch
yeah, that night I cried 'cause my idiotic overeactive imagination asked myself what would I do if he didn't care about me anymore. and from there little things attacked my heart as well. He would say that he felt like a pedophile with me since i looked so young sometimes, and he'd shake my hand away- i have to admit, that hurt. is it odd that i wanted for him to show interest in my physically as well? it's like...i wanted him to love me mentally but physically as well. I wanted to feel pretty and well, desirable. Instead, I felt as flat as a board since I lacked the secondary sex characteristics that most females had. this was blow #2 to how i looked, with blow #1 being that I looked 10 yrs old to him. I was unsatifactory, odd as an oddball, honestly a bit stupid (no really. you should see my appalling grades (as in failing math and physics.) compared to his outstanding 95s.) and i hated myself already for being a psycho b*tch girlfriend.
back to way back up there
so i couldn't say that he never made me cry
and to his credit, he noticed my silence
and questioned me
imploring me to tell him what happened
I was scared that he'd be as disgusted with me as I was
but i told him in whispers
expecting him to have a funny look on his face and in the inside he'd be quite annoyed by me.
He didn't have that funny look on his face that I expected him to have. He reassured me that I was loved and my crumbling self was put right back into place.

oh.
by the way.
a (i like to think) close friend of mine along with a supreme biffle of mine introduced me to alcohol.
bad, i know.
but it was in an extremely controlled environment and her parents were actually the one who gave it to her and they were in the next room O__O
what's odd is that
well, i got "wasted".
but what's odd is that after i got home and slept it off I woke up feeling better. It was as if I'd gone through hardcore physical and mental therapy- and no hangover O:
it seems bad,
i think it's bad,
but some people need a little help to say what's bothering them.
I was told that at one point I had started crying hysterically
and i wasn't even aware that this was upsetting me so much
you see, it was midwinter break and I mostly see arthur at school only. he stays home on weekends except for his saturday class in which i would meet him after his class (i have class uptown at the city college) and we take the train home together.
but otherwise he stays home and usually plays video games
that's fine, i love the gamer side of him
and after winter break, i had learned that he would probably not meet me during the upcoming midwinter break /:
one day would've made me happy though, and he said that he wanted to see me as well [:
i was too greedy
let alone one day, I didn't get any contact. no phonecall, no IM, no facebook, no emails. he broke his phone, and he'd rather I didn't call his home phone in case his mom picked up. that means it's up to him to call me. I left him offline IMs, facebook wallposts and an email. I told myself "he's just playing a lot of video games, okay."
my friend asks where's he's been, i tell her "he's probably playing starcraft or MW2 (:"
and she asks "he can't send one lousy email?"
ouch.
so i suppose, that was bothering me
and when my inhibitions were lowered through alcohol i cried it all out, scared that he didn't care.
Ladies, can you bear with this lame side of me? You may say that all girls feel like this, but i feel excessively lame. I'm insecure to the point of annoyance. IT EVEN ANNOYS ME =__=
turns out, he was at his uncles house all break and was busy taking care of his cousins.
so i was overreacting.
but i got home late that night since i needed time to sober up
and my parents were upset that I called home late >__< (&I felt quite horrible for not calling earlier. I had just left my sister a text to tell them, but she doesn't convey messages well =__=)
When my brother questioned me, I told him that I was not in a state to call home, I had been crying.
He asked why.
He heard why.
He got angry.
he also asked why couldn't he give one lousy call.
Ladies, please tell me that it's not his fault. He was at his uncle's house. He was preoccupied. It's alright, right?

& then ladies, quite recently
i saw something that no girlfriend is supposed to see.
He doesn't take photos of himself, he doesn't have a camera. and he'd rather go without a profile picture but he even got rid of the "view photos of" link under the profile picture
but i saw that there's that photos tab beside "wall" on his profile and i felt triumphant that I'd see pictures of how he looked when he had profile pictures, him in the years that I didn't know him
alas.
i found a photo
and looking at the comments
it sounded like it was right after she had broken up with him
and he was telling her how much he was still in love with her.
ouch.
he gave me this necklace for my birthday. And it has a locket inscribed on the back "hamster & tractor" (i am called tractor because a friend of ours meant to type "tracester" in an attempt at a nickname. there was a typo, and there was "tractor". it was so funny to them since apparently i'm not big and awesome like a tractor that they call me that now & he's a hamster 'cause quite honestly if you met him you'd think he was one. except for the fact that he's 6'1 but meh) and on the front it says "The Book of Love"
now this may sound cheesy (cheesy and corny are different, corn is sweet and although sometimes a bit embarrassing it's always welcome to have more sweetness. there are times when you can have too much cheese though) but The Book of Love is a song, a very nice song (:
and he told me that he knows that I get silly and insecure sometimes so he hoped that this would be a reminder
I held on to the necklace when i read those comments.
and i think i'm getting better at this whole insecurity thing.

ah. because it's you ladies
and i feel like i have to unnecessarily bare my soul
and give too much information than you all would probably like XD

I'm so very much in love with this guy.
some would say that this being my first love, i'm just being naiive.
but
at first this is what i also believed.
but the feeling keeps on growing
i've never been angry at him, just upset at myself
we've been together for four months and not a single fight O_O
he keeps me happy when my world is falling apart otherwise.
my dad is making an appeal at the end of march to become a US citizen
chances of success are low
but if he were to succeed then the court date in june will be null and voided.

today i found out what he did that would cause him to be deported/jailed
he didn't quite kill someone
which is good. 'cause he's a good guy, and I think it'd hurt him too much if he had to live with this
oh
but he sure as hell tried to kill someone. they were rather resilient. this was when he was #2 to #1 of a gang
but
he's a good guy.
he really is.
i'm an ugly person though, before he made bail i was happy that he wasn't at home. i still loved him, that was definite but i don't think i can live with him. we clash too much. as in, he makes me cry too much when he drinks and gets upset with me. but that's my fault, i don't do too well in school anymore. I just seem to keep on falling.

on a brighter note, i don't think i'm failing math anymore! (arthur helped me!)
but now, it's physics and chinese(I'M THE WORST CHINESE KID EVER.) that I'm failing
and possibly english because I have that first period but i'm often late since I oversleep a lot):

on an awkward note, a friend of mine told me he had a wet dream about me.
how in the world am i supposed to respond to that?? We've known each other since elementary school and I think he's an okay guy when he's not being a jerkface but that makes him think that it's a good time to confess to me and every now and then I have to go through phases of avoiding him because I rejected him.
He knows it bothers me, I won't even let him flirt with me- I dubbed him my brother and i call him that. He might say "hey sexy" and i will tell him "haha, that's incestuous BRO, stop it."
i'd feel bad for being so horrible to him if it weren't for the fact that every now and then he gets pissed off at me and starts yelling at me about how he wants to kill me.
i'm not kidding, he legitimately scares me sometimes.
he friended arthur on facebook, i wouldn't tell him why but I asked arthur not to get too close to him because when i started going out with arthur, he started saying how he wants to kill him too ):
so if you ladies ever want to talk to me on aim, just IM me!
it's not that i'm not online
i'm probably invisible avoiding him. he's 60% scary and unrelenting with his affections, but 40% a good friend who i can get along with rather well ):
the 60% and the new unnecessary information about his dream are keeping me from talking to him nowadays. i'm horrible.

On a psychotic note, I scare myself sometimes when I'm left alone in my head. I pondered letting myself get hit by a car on saturday not because i wanted to die (i'm not suicidal) but because I was interested as to what would happen. It was a strange moment in which i was out of it. My mom also wants for me to see a doctor and not the kind for checkups. The reason why I don't sleep is 'cause I don't want to go to sleep without completing my homework, which is a good thing. but sometimes i absolutely do not feel like doing my homework so i just sit there zoning out. someone will IM me asking me what I'm doing and what am i supposed to say? "just zoning out"? so i sit there for hours not doing homework, not sleeping.
blogging is healthier. i should do this more often so my posts aren't always obscenely long.
so she says that i don't seem normal sometimes 'cause she sees me falling asleep while i'm eating.
apparently the odd things i say sometimes freak her out too much
and she thinks I need help
oh boy. whether or not I need "help" is not the question, I think it's do i want it?
no, because I don't need it.
i'm not out of the ordinary at all, i just happen to say what i'm thinking more often that others do.

i'm selfish, baw
good thing you skipperoo0-ed all of that nonsense!
tracy.

Happy Birthday Tracy!!!!

2010-03-07T12:07:00.000-08:00

Tracy~

I hope that you have a lovely birthday!
(Imagine me and Wendy and Yeana singing...)

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to Tracy (or whatever other name you have La....something?)
Happy Birthday to you!!!!

Mucho Love Sweet pea!
Rosanna

LANDO GIRL

2010-02-27T20:58:00.000-08:00

Hiii my lovelies. :)
You know, I wasn't feeling like myself today, but after reading the recent *happy* posts, I'm totally cheered up now! You guys truly do make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :P

Like Yeana said, you do sound much happier Rosanna! I am sorry for your grief, and know that I will be praying for you and your friends as well. And Yeana and Tracy...if you guys gave a little party WITHOUT Rosie and me, I think I'm gonna throw a tantrum. Lol. But really. Hahaha.

Yeana, I don't think you're leading him on...I mean do you flirt with him a lot? HE might be into YOU though...I mean, going to dances together..haha IDK. :P I'm not that knowledgable about your relationship with him but I am sure you have nothing to worry about! It's nice to have a guy friend like him, isn't it? Btw--the whole Carl and Ellie thing is SOOOO CUTE! I love that movie. :PPP

Anyways...life in Land O' Lakes has been "okay" lately. Yes, I have been winning my tennis matches--we are 4-0 right now! We play two of the toughest schools both next week so we'll need a lottt of luck. I love our team this year; we all love one another so much and we have an awesome coach! School has been pretty chill for the most part. I really should be working on my IB oral presentation now (since I present Monday) but whatever...hahaha. Unlike Yeana, Bio is actually the class I have a B in. Hahah. I'm not that worried though.
What I AM worried about are the SATs, but then again, when am I not worrying about them? *sigh* I just feel so stupid sometimes. Such a basic test, and I can't manage to obtain a competitive score. I know you guys tell me again and again not to freak out, but I can't help myself. Lots of pressure from my parents and ahhh the stress of the "future" is just unnerving. I can't wait until college...

Alright, I should get going. Hope everything is going well with everyone. Love and miss you guys!

<3 WENDY

Azn Sensation

2010-02-27T17:58:00.000-08:00

Hello m'lovelies

I HAVE RETURNED!!! :]]]]] Anyways, the week after break was crazy...I had like 50 bazillion projects that were assigned and collected in that week. GAH.

But I survived and even got to go out to volleyball for the first time in a LONG time. It felt sooo nice. I think for the sake of my mental health, I should go out and play at least once every week.

Rosanna, you sound so much happier. :] That makes me happier. :]]] And DEFINITELY get to know this guy better. Who knows? Something special might happen!

I'm sorry for your friends' losses. They are included in my nightly prayers, and I hope that their families can recover. Sometimes the best thing to fill the gap is more love. Consolation and prayers from California.

Wendy: I have been seeing your statuses on facebook! DAYUM GIRL YOU'S A TENNIS BEAST!!! Go kick them asses! :DDD I'm rooting for you all the way. :]]]]

Tracybabe I promise I'll let you know the minute I touch down in New York 4 months from now. GRRRRR. I shall run away from my parents and escape with you then we shall kidnap Rosanna then we will all hitchhike to Florida and take Wendy with us then we will all go to Kentucky and hide in Tucky's house. :]]

My life is busy these days. For some reason my Spanish teacher is missing 15% of my grade and now I have a very very low B in the class. I am not very happy with her. My APUSH teacher hasn't taught us a single thing yet, and I keep failing DBQs and FRQs, so my grades in that class aren't so hot either. My English teacher is bipolar so I can't tell if she hates me or likes me, but as of now my A just dropped to a B because she thought my last essay had no point. Sigh. I just failed a math test so I probably have a B in that class, too. I kind of want to smack myself.

On the other hand, I'm doing relatively well in Bio. :]

Rehearsals are going well. I just got over a cold, so I can sing again. I'm rather nervous for the actual show, though. I always get jitters when I'm onstage, so I'm scared my voice will shake and be crappy. blargh. I've never had a lead role before.

Other than that, life goes on. Our Sadies theme is "Sadie finds her match!" I don't know if I said that before or not, so I'm just saying it again. Haley and I are going as Carl and Ellie from Up! :DDD

Answering your question Wendy, I don't think Haley's anything more than a really good friend. He's a sweetheart and I love him, but I wouldn't say he's a potential boyfriend. I think we're too close for that. Maybe later on, like waaay later on. As of now I like us where we are.

. . .

I kinda hope he feels the same way. I don't wanna seem like I'm leading him on. O_o

. . .

Does it seem like I'm leading him on? :/

Anywhoo, I hope y'all are doing great. It's hilarious that I slip into NSLC mode and I start talking like Tucky sometimes. I love it. :]

LOVE,
Yeana

Just Checking In....

2010-02-24T16:54:00.000-08:00

Hello Ladies!

I am just letting you know that it was a good day in Albany today! We gor about 12 - 13 inches of snow which means SNOWDAY!!!! :) And on top of that, my musical rehersal, voice lessons, and due dates for everything in school are either cancelled or pushed back!

So all is getting better here. I am throwing myself back into the craziness is that is life.... choral groups, West Side Story (which foes up in less than a month - - oh dear!) So yes, that is all from me up here, life is a little rocky since 2010 started, but I am still Mommarosanna (or so I think!) I will write later, and all of you should too, I get worried about all of you (especially during the winter months, even though two of you live in warmer places!)

Mucho love
Rosanna

~

2010-02-22T15:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry to ask again.
I found out today, that a woman who helped raise my father and his siblings (after his mother passed when he was 11) passed away yesterday. Could you please keep her, Aunt Phyllis, and her and our family in your prayers? Thanks

Rosanna

...

2010-02-18T14:20:00.000-08:00

Could you please keep a friend and her family in your thoughts and prayers? My good friend Carla lost her father this morning. It was completly unexpected. Thank you

Rosanna

Olympics !!!!!

2010-02-14T18:15:00.000-08:00

Hello my wonderful girlies~

The Olympics are here... skiing, skating, luge... its all a New Yorker could ask for, especially since I have skiied in Lake Placid where other Olympic Games have been. Anywho...

Tracy - I do agree with Yeana and Wendy. Communicate with him, it is ok to have insecurities, but you don't need to keep them from him. What I have noticed in a lot of my friend's relationships is that they try to be 'perfect' (I am not saying that this applys to you in anyway) but this perfection that they want their significant other to see... it usually never works out. They are not who they really are which is a shame. I think that you talking to him, you may learn many things about eachother, not dragging you apart, but in fact the opposite: bringing you together. Just know that we are here for you and always will be.

Wendy - I am so happy that you like him! Thats so exciting! Keep us posted. And please don't stress out too much with grades and what not. You are a smart cookie... a very smart cookie and any school would be lucky to have you. I am proud of you that you have the drive, but please don't push yourself too hard. You may not agree with this next statement, but even though you work hard and need to so that you can get where you want to be BUT enjoy your life. Don't forget that you need to have fun and chill out!!! :)

Yeana- Woot woot... yeana's got a hottie! I am glad that Hayley said yes! We don;t have a Sadie Hawkins dance up here either, but even if we did, I don't think that anyone would go (which says something very bad about my school...) And thank you again for your letter, it meant a lot. Keep us posted! Oh and how are you doing with singing and acting!?!?!?

So, I (as Wendy has said) have been quite aloof for the past month or so... I will give you the 'low-down' of what has been happening and therefore changed my life.

The New Year had been going well, I saw my family and everything was great! I auditioned and got in my schools production of "West Side Story" with the part of Glad Hands. The 1st semester was wrapping up and I guess I could say 'I was on a high' - so busy and happy with my life.
Then I found out on January 20 (my brother's birthday) that my grandfather was really really sick. He had been in the hospital for a day or so and on a routine XRay they found something in his lung. We got a call from one of my dad's siblings and they said that it did not look good, the doctor gave him a week. So that night, I was on the phone with one of my frineds for about an hour... sobbing uncontrollably. The next day was really hard; I can honestly say that it is a blur.. I don't remember anything. Then on Friday (the 22nd) my mom calls my phone and lets me know that my appointment at the gym had been cancelled. I guess you could say that I knew something was up, but I was in denial. That night I get home and was getting ready for a party, and my parents called me down into the family room and told me my grandfather had passed away, the cancer had spread too much (his prostate, lungs, live, and bonne marrow and even though he tried, he couldn't fight it any longer)... my heart dropped and I was in shock.
The next week was a week from hell and I can honestly say it was the worst week of my life: it was midterm week, my grandfather's funeral and wake, college stuff everything that shouldnt ever collide did. I didn't study (whoops) and I was so upset that wholoe week (it didn't help that every teacher I had and others I had in past years knew even though I didn't tell them) My chem teacher was so supportive "If you need anything at all please let me know. You are so strong, I am so proud"
My friends were there for me religiously. When I felt like I had no strength, they were my strength. (And I am soory that I haven't told you what happened sooner - it would of been too hard for me) My school community was there for me, it was amazing, but hard.
On Thursday I find out that my Chem teacher is really sick and won;t be coming back for the rest of the year. Another loss, I was so close to her, she was so supportive... again I cried and was upset. I guess it felt like everything bad that could happen, did (dramatic yes) I said goodbye to her on Friday... during my free period: we cried and hugged and it was hard. Luckily I have my best friend in my free period who took me and let me cry with only her there.
The past month has been so hard. I think I figured it out: I feel like everyone that I am close to is leaving, and I know that they have too, but that doesn't take away my hurt... and I have a lot of it. But I don't want to only tell you the negative, you see becasue that would be an injustice to both of them. My grandfather was an amazing man. So strong: he was a fighter and had a hard life, but a good life. I will probably be referenceing him for a while, because until we bury him in the spring (the ground int he Adirondacks is too hard to dig into in the winter) I wont have closure. My chem teacher is also a fighter and an amazing woman, She will become better and live her life to the fullest.

I do love my life, but it is so hard sometimes. Somehow, I ended the semester and midterm week with a GPA of 96.... i don;t know how, but i did.
And as Wendy already knows: I may have a crush on someone, but my mindset has been so weird, I am not sure. I will tell you a few things about him: he is smart, funny, personable, cute, loveable... just an all around good guy. I have mentioned him before, he lost his mother october of last year to cancer. His name is Loren Cao, and yes he is Asian :)

I think that is enough from me. Mucho love to all. Im not far at all, just a thought away....
Rosanna

Hello for Land O' Lakes :)

2010-02-14T10:32:00.002-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year/Valentine's Day!

I'd rather celebrate the former...hahah. :)
I really do love Chinese New Year though. This year has been more festive that previous years, because my grandparents are over, along with my aunt&uncle&cousin! So my house has been full but filled with warmth and love. This feeling is just what I need.

Now in response to your posts...

Tracy-- I can totally relate to Nega-Tracy. I have dealt with those insecurites before and I know that it's not fun. However, I agree with Yeana in that you NEED to communicate with Arthur. You guys need to learn to trust one another fully and without doubts. You will never be happy in a relationship full of "what-ifs". And if he ever says and does anything to make you feel uncomfortable, don't be afraid to confront him about it! Control the relationship, girl, I know you can! But please do not harm yourself and the relationship with your negativity. Us girls will always have insecurities when it comes to boys, but we cannot let them get to the better of us. We must learn how to control and handle our doubts, instead of letting them destroy our happiness!

Rosanna-- I really do miss you and our text sessions. You seem aloof lately, but I can't blame you. Whatever is going on right now, I hope you are staying positive and pulling through. I will pray for you, and I hope you know to talk to any of us if you ever realize you can't handle everything by yourself!

Yeana-- Omgsh, what you did for Haley was so incredibly cute!! You are such a romantic, girl. ;)
Btw, I am also insanely jealous that you guys have a Sadie Hawkin's...just saying. Hahah. I am kinda confused though, do you like Haley then? I know you like being his friend...but what about anything more than that?

Well ladies. Life has actually been okay lately. Despite starting the quarter with not so good grades (I'm not worried though, I think I can pull them up :P), I feel like one wave of stress has passed. You know those weeks when you have sooo much homework and crap to do, and then the next week is so relaxing? Hehe I feel like the stress has resided for now...but I know it will come crawling back soon...Ahhhh.
Yesterday was my Solo evaluation on the clarinet. I was extremely disappointed in my performance but managed to get a Superior rating...which means I can perform at State evaluation. Which means YAY! Hahah. I have a lot of improve, if I don't want to get murdered at States...*sigh*

Anyways. Apparently I have a couple of suitors in this lil' ol' town of Land O' Lakes. Bahaha. Well actually, one of them lives in New Tampa so I guess he doesn't count. Lol. He's actually the one I'm most interested in...you know, remember that guy from Chinese School who's apparently liked me for years? We've been talking a lot and I feel as if he truly understands me. He's so smart and sweet and has such a bright future. He's not a dips#!t like some guys around here...LOL. Excuse me. :P Only thing is that he is a bit clingy. But oh well, I think I can learn to look past that...heheh.

Alright. My mom is going to take me shopping. YAY.
I love and miss you guys sooooo much. When are we ever going to see each other again, anyways? ^.^

Love,
WENDY

Hello for Land O'

2010-02-14T10:32:00.001-08:00

Azn Sensation

2010-02-12T21:54:00.000-08:00

Hello my lovely ladies. :]

First, to Rosannamomma:

Don't forget that it goes the other way, too. We're always here for you and whenever you can, we want to know what's going on so we can help you out. <33333

Next to my sistahh WendyGu,

Darling, you are smart. You are a smart, capable, beautiful young woman, and knowing you, you will achieve your goals. I have an infinite amount of faith in you!!!! Never give up or lose hope because the moment you do Ms.Lakisha will smack sense back into yo pretty lil' brain. Actually I'm sure your brain is gigantic. :]

Tracybabe,

Maybe you should talk to Arthur about all that. Maybe the way to strengthen your relationship is to tell him your insecurities and find out more about your relationship. Perhaps he has insecurities, too. The point is, you can't sit there and be worried about your relationship like this. You really should talk to him, babe. As for Nega-Tracy, get her f****ing OUT of your head. Do NOT listen to her. Listen to yourself, listen to Arthur, listen to us. We LOVE you and we want the best for you. This Phantom in your head should not dictate your thoughts. You alone can do that, and Nega-Tracy is NOT you.

Go talk to him, babe. I may not have the best record with relationships, but there's one thing I do know and it is that communication is the best tool for couples.

:]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I asked Haley to our school's Sadie Hawkins dance today! I printed out a note that said, "Haley Chen, Will you go to Sadies with Ms.________?" I cut this up into 7 pieces and slipped them into separate envelopes, and with the 7th piece I also stuck in cutouts of letters spelling out my name and a note asking him to meet me in front of my locker with an answer. Thanks to my friends, I was able to anonymously deliver one envelope to him during every class period...and he said yes!

:] Now to see if we're more than friends. Sigh. I don't think we are. I like being Haley's friend.

I'm on break this week. During break I have 3 projects to complete, 5 chapters of Bio to read, 2 chapters of APUSH to read, and 2 labs to complete. Upside? I get to sleep. :]

It's been more than half a year since we physically said goodbye, and here we are, making sure we can feel each others' love from thousands of miles away. 5th floor ladies, I love you.

-Yeansturr

I'm sorry, but its another short post

2010-02-12T16:51:00.000-08:00

Hey girls,

I just want to say thank you for your constant support, but things aren't so good in upstate new york. Blow after blow keeps on happening and its taking its toll. I'm trying to get out of this rut, but I am still hurting a lot. So I am going to bed now, good night and hopefully eventually, I will post but honestly, I am not up to it tonight. Just know I am here for all of you if you need me and I will keep an eye on our blog!

Rosanna

from the jellyfish CE

2010-02-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

to my lovely ladies,

i don't know how else to start a post

so i'll try with with an overdue

hello,

my lovely ladies,

you are all beautiful.

I must say, i've been quite afraid to post on o u r blog because after rosanna's loss- i didn't know what to say. Not knowing what to say or do- I seemed to have drawn away because my dear rosanna, i didn't want in any way for my words to hurt you if only by accident.

I think that might've been a bit stupid of me, I should've just outright said that here we all are for you.

So Rosanna, love-

We're here for you, and we'll keep on posting. When you need just a bit of strength just look over here at our blog and I hope you'll feel our strength through our writings because distance plays no role here.

Love, I apologize for being afraid that my love wouldn't be enough to help.

If anything, even though i was afraid to write I still checked our blog frequently for any updates- and i must say. I feel as if i dont think about college enough compared to my ambitious ladies >__O

I'm not thinking about any ivy leagues

i just want to be happy

a silly

maybe stupid

plan

but i spent time after time just thinking about it- and i really like the idea of Physical Therapy. I'm not confident enough in myself to become a doctor who could kill someone so very easily with the shake of a hand- but a physical therapist is there to help someone recover- and I want to help if just a bit. but enough about that,

ALL OF YOU.

NEVER THINK THAT YOU ARE "COMPLAINING TO MUCH" OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT. I AM HERE FOR YOU ALL TO VENT BECAUSE I WILL LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY- never be afraid of sounding "whiny" or anything, i'll still love you.

Yeanababe,

I got your letter (i think i told you already? (: )

I carry it around wherever i go with stationary and a pen in tow (&sometimes markers too!)

however

i'm having a heck of a time trying to put my thoughts down onto the paper because i only have enough stamps to send each of you one letter each- and although this is amazingly lucky to have enough stamps, at the same time i want to make the letter perfect then > ^ <

ohyeana(:

friendship is a crucial part of relationships- the fact that you&haley c l i c k is phenomenal (:

i figure haley is probably scared that you don't like him the way he likes you- did you give any indication that you might have romantic interest in him during the winterformal?

he might've been under the impression that you were aware that he was asking you as more than a friend perhaps? O:

if anything- maybe you could make the first move and just talk to him casually, friendly!

yeanababe, you are a gorgeous girl. if haley likes you, from his perspective- i can sympathize. It's scary, downright terrifying to think that you may lose such a fantastic friend simply because of your heart. & it hurts to stay friends when you desperately want to be more.

perhaps guys are closer to girls than we think. O__O

i was talking to a friend and- well, he's a jerk. a rather scary jerk who i should tell you guys more about- on more than one occasion he has told me that he "fuAHEMcking hates me", wants to kill me, etc. and the more terrifying thing is that he likes me. and ladies, i am not kind to him. i am not a nice person at all, i am a jerk as well ): there was one instance when we were having a serious conversation and he said "i love you" i was scared and i stopped typing. i ceased all movement and just stared at the screen in fear of what i would have to say because i didn't want to face this. for five minutes i did nothing. and he had to add on "like a sister" and then i miraculously came back and laughed along. everytime he says anything that you're honestly not supposed to say to a "sister", anything that crossed the frienship line i used the "hahhah, yeah brotoeso, you're not supposed to say that to your sister" imma jerk. he's a psycho. a psycho i've been dodging since elementary school ]:) ANYWAYS. i was talking to him-because i really do value his friendship- and he had finally gotten a girlfriend (he shifts between the girls he likes alot, and has them in a list in order of who he likes the best O_O) but he broke up with her about a week after (to which we got in a huge fight because he picked a fight with me. he started using profanity with me again, and told me about how he talked with some other people and they agreed that arthur was not treating me right because of some "reasons" and so on forth- to which i defended his honor (XDXD) and we got into quite the spat. anyways today i was trying to convince him to get back with her 'cause he was getting a bit too friendly-i told him that he should go back to her, apologize for breaking up and ask her to take him back.

he said that "when guys do that, girl feel that they are weak"

is that true for you ladies?

i personally think that if a guy does that-well i might be pissed at first for the asshole to have broken my heart- but also this means that the guy, well here's how i phrased it "just apologize properly, it means that the guy actually thinks his shit through and wont dump you again at the drop of a hat"

^excuse my language ):

but this was a soft spot for me,& i told him "girls are always scared that they love the guy more than the guy loves them"

anyways

perhaps guys and girls are closer than we think

though with an exception. i think you're right yeana- they play with our feelings and have no idea that they're doing it.

and if you can't bring yourself to hate them- you end up hating yourself.

i can only hope that you stay away from hating yourself love, I don't want you to do that to yourself ):

to all of my ladies,

i wish you all the best of luck with your sleep patterns ):

lately, i don't sleep at all during weekdays (at home anyways, i grab a quick snooze in the commute to school & sometimes in school (eep!)) but the only time that i can show my bed at home proper affection lately has been our days off from school

i've been testing my limits and if i go over three days without more than 3 hrs sleep in between then i get into a sort of weird zombie state of mind to which i'm so very apathetic to everything and i loll about extremely clumsy and getting into accidents and i talk much too much- to the point that i fall asleep when talking to my friends XD

and this is why my grades suffer. =__=

ladies, don't be like me- sleep (:

wendy love, that scary thought of not attaining the future you want?

don't worry dear- we'll be here for you. I can't even fathom you not getting into your prestigious college and such- but "shit happens" and some brilliants students i know of got rejected from their schools as well, and that was unbelievable to me. so if ever shit happens to you- we'll be there to pick you up. just try again love, and you'll do better than fine.

And i don't want to tell you to drop one or two of your activities (HOW ARE YOU PLAYING TENNIS IN THIS WEATHER? - New York is currently under the storm, SNOWDAY FINALLY =__=) but I worry for you ladies all overworking yourselves /:

so all i can tell you is breathe.

also, whenever i find that i miss you guys so much that I might burst from the nostalgia- i go on facebook and look through all of our photos of each other from all of our individual albums XDXD

it helps a bit.

*warning: and here comes a long long rambling on something that makes even me hate me, so dont read 'cause i think you guys might come to dislike this part of me as well.*

ladies,

i get questions of "so how are you&arthur?"

and i feel painfully aware of every movement in my body and my heart feel heavy and cold.

I answer "um, we're good, i don't really know how to answer this-" & i laugh it off.

ladies, i'm not the brightest cookie in the jar, but i don't think that's a good reaction.

i don't quite want to admit this to myself- and this is the first time i'm saying, thinking, writing it- so right now time is passing painfully slow- and my fingers seem to be moving at slow motion.

arthur&i.

don't get me wrong ladies, i'm in love with him.

but what happens is that I hate the me that comes with the me in love with him.

It's like, the part of me that I hate. "nega-me"

nega-me is insecure beyond belief for one thing. Nega-me cried in her room not knowing what to do- and for a stupid reason that I can't bear to even type. Maybe i'll text it, maybe i'll write it in my long overdue letter. but nega-me seems to be surfacing quite often and I hate her, me. I hate all of the "whatifs" that nega-me revolves around. it's whatif he's tired of me? whatif he wants her back?-ah. the insecurity of when he talks to his ex- whatif i'm the only one in love? whenever i get to that, it's sometimes as if i've come back to my senses. a whole line of he said he loves me, he wouldn't lie. and then they're followed by maybes and buts

maybe he confused friendship for liking, and now that he's stuck with me he's not the type to just end it because he wants to stay friends or something

maybe he does love me, but now that they talk again he loves her more

or could love her more

maybe it really does bother him how much i look like a little kid

hah. that one rather hurts. at first i thought it was just a joke, something to tease him with. but maybe it bothers himmorethan i think. actually, i know it does bother him- or at least i think i know. he actually shook my hand away from his before and asked me to stop touching his hands because it looked like we were siblings eating together. I didn't show that it bothers me- in fact i've never shown nega-me to him- because that part of me loves him still, it's just me that both mes hate (gosh, brain fart)

infact, as i type all of this i know that it sounds naggy

and insane

and just annoying

but ladies, forgive me for this please and skim along

but i need to get it all out of my head or i'll end up sporadically crying again

ah. the worst part is. i told my miss about my reasons behind my fears

and she couldn't refute them. she could only hug me and tell me that hopefully they don't mean anything- even though it seems like they do

and that hopefully, nothing bad happens.

hopefully.

hope hurts-especially when it gets shot down over and over again with the seed of doubt

ladies, forgive and ignore these utter ramblings

i just needed to get them out somewhere where he can't see them- because i'm even more terrified that if he were to see that there existed such an ugly and insecure part of me that he would tire of me, or anything like that.

i'm scared to sleep sometimes because if i'm not exhausted when i go to sleep, and i mean exhausted as in haven't slept for 24 hours, then sometimes-and it's been happening more often- i have nightmares about him leaving me

agh. i disgust myself even saying this

for thinking this

for bothering you all,

forgive me

i love you guys,

tracy.

Sigh From LOL

2010-02-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

Oh my darlings...how I miss you guys so. :(

Life has been...a drag lately, to say the least. My days are consumed by tennis, clarinet, homework/studying, and minimal SAT prep.

Everyday is the same...I go to sleep later and later (it's almost midnight) and wake even more exhausted. You know, I used to be able to handle everything and still get a decent night's rest, but nope! Not this semester. I know what you mean Yeana...I despise school with a passion.

But anyways, I really don't want to sound too depressing...because through it all, I am still [barely] keeping my smile one. I've been missing you guys sooo much lately...

I have been keeping myself busy nonetheless. Tennis season has started so I have practices everyday ('cept Fri) plus my regular lessons. Concert band season is also here, and I recently performed in the All-County Band a couple weekends ago. District Solo evaluations are also soon...this weekend. >.<>

And you know what? I really hate the IB program. It's so much work. We have to do stupid "Internal Assessments" and Oral Presentations on top of IB exams on top of AP exams which is just too much...And then we have to do something called "CAS", which stands for Creativity, Action and Service. Basically, we have log hours of activities we have done that fall under those categories...so now simply volunteering isn't it enough. WTF. This is all to make us "well-rounded" individuals...well my question is, how do you expect us to carry this work load plus do all these extracurrics AND stay sane?! I absolutely have no idea.

But anyways, I really need to stop complaining...

Yeana, Haley seems like a nice guy! Make certain your feelings for him before you do anything rash. I'm not saying you would, but sometimes we are disillusioned when a good guy friend suddenly starts acting "differently" and whatnot. Asking you to the formal definitely sparked something...I hope you figure out your feelings soon. As for the confusion...boys will be boys. I really don't know what to say. They are bipolar. Just let him be. I am sure he is confused as well.

Rosanna, I agree about what you said--life is just life and it will always go on...once again I am sorry for your loss but I know this will only make you a stronger person.

& Tracy, WHERE ARE YOU?! :P

Alright ladies. I should get back to working...oh jeez. Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I work now, I'm still not gonna get into the prestigious college I want to attend. I feel like I am just wasting my time...or rather, I am afraid. I am afraid that I will sacrifice too much of my happiness, sanity and LIFE in hopes of a brighter future that I may never obtain.

It's a scary thought, isn't it?

*sigh*
I'm really not as depressed as I may sound, hahah. I'm just going through a phase, I guess...=P

Good night my loves. I love you all soooo incredibly much.

~WENDY

My Darlings.... (muy rapido)

2010-01-28T16:38:00.000-08:00

Hola,

Yo estoy muy cansado porque es una semana muy larga. ahhhhhh ok gracias queridas.

Translation: I am very tired becsaue it has been a long week, ahhhhh ok thanks dearies. I am tired and sad and not very happy with life right now. Its dumb, but this week we had the wake and funeral for my grandfather and it was so draining emotionally, like I missed some midterms and realized that life just goes on. While your life may stop for whatever reason, in this case, my grandfather, I realized that life is life and you have to live it. Sometimes it sucks and it hurts and it is stressful, but it is what it is. Just live it because you can live a life for someone who no longer can.

***Note to my girlies: this is not in response to anyof your posts, I am just venting. How are you guys doing? I am sorrry for the shortness, but I have a lot to do and will of course post a much longer one soon, hopefully.

Ok, mucho love
Rosanna

151st post!

2010-01-26T22:25:00.000-08:00

Hello ladies,

Rosanna, how are you doing? :/

Wendy, I hope you get time to write soon. :]

Tracy, MWAH <33

I hope y'all are checking your mail. :]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do guys throw our feelings around? Do they even know they're doing that? I don't think they do. Sigh.

Lately I've been having to stay up late finishing up homework. You can basically see it this way: while Tracy is getting out of bed, I am getting into mine. And whenever I'm online this late, Haley's been iming me and talking to me. And when we talk, we really click. I don't know if this is because we just know each other so well or if it's because we just click. Well, whatever the reason, I've been starting to wonder if he likes me. I assumed he asked me to formal because we're friends and he needed a date, but now it's confusing me. But he hasn't even talked to me for the last 2 days. So I'm really confused now.

Sigh.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am hating school these days. It's just awful. I'm not getting enough sleep so I end up snapping at everyone. :/ It's not a very pleasant time. Sigh.

I hope you ladies are doing all right.

love,
Yeana

LANDO GIRL

2010-01-24T17:08:00.000-08:00

Omgsh guys...I just wrote a super long post and for some reason, everything got deleted.

I am distraught.

I reallly don't have time to write one over again, but just wanted to let ya'll know that I've read the recent posts and hope that everyone is doing okay!!!

I will post soon.

Love and miss you terribly,
WENDY

For a Moment...

2010-01-23T20:28:00.000-08:00

Hey girlies,

I will not be able to blog for a while. My grandfather passed away last night and have midterms this week and the show so it is going to be hard juggling everything. I just thought that you should know.

Rosanna

for but a moment

2010-01-19T23:25:00.000-08:00

To my lovely ladies,

I've been incredibly unresponsive to our blog because I don't want to rush the post nor skip corners. I want to be able to give my all to you guys- and at the moment it's finals and good gosh >__<

Note: I just took my physics test in which part of it my teacher is going to factor into our final, if i got a ninety plus i get facebook back! O:

Yeanababe, don't talk like that- you'll break my heart. Silly goose, we already know you love us forever C: (& i certainly hope you all know that the feeling is mutual)

Mock Trial sounds AMAZING and from just reading "witness" & "attorney" I'm already filled with nostalgia ; ^ ;

My english class had a debate today; incredibly legit (!) with formal wear & everything (...my outfit was somewhat...formal. It was rather eccentric but my teacher let it slide. I've worn...odder. XD I'll have to pull it on again and post you all a picture. ANYHOOS. When I went up, I remembered NSLC and our trial. I was shaking (NERVES OF STEEL...HAH.) but thinking of you guys calmed down enough that I was able to project my voice just fine (: I felt nervous after I finished, but classmates from my team and even classmates from the other team commended me after class was over. I felt proud as a representative of our term of NSLC Law.

WendyLove, I'm taking the Ro- for some reason. i was about to say "the Rosannas"...goodgosh XD

I'm taking the SATs in March as well C: that is....so long as i remember to sign up in time =__= I HAVE TIME. i'll do it in february, I just want to get through finals week first D<

I'm really starting to like the weather in NYC now 'cause you can go out with either a sweater or a regular coat pulled over and you're set C: I dont like feeling all bulky in the subways, and my clothing is sometimes rather... eccentric ? and really. some people in the subway have no shame, they will STARE. Oh, the subway. stranger things have happened.

Regarding your "study first, fun later" i think it's brilliant how you have so much self discipline. I can tell myself that- but I'll find that I wont be following said mantra. I pulled an all-nighter just yesterday because over the three-day weekend I procrastinated two out of the three days. And on the third day I didn't really get much work done until about 4 AM. It was around then that I had a sugar high (I ate five bananas, a poptart, blackcoffee&sugar,&two cans of soda) in which i picked up all of my school books for the debate and sat in the bathtub and started cracking...strange...but it worked out pretty well (: though there wasn't enough time to really study for Chinese /: Bright side, We get ten minutes to make last minute changes to our essay. While most will be editing their 200 characters (at least!) essay, i'll be using those ten minutes to speed write 200 characters. hah. wish me luck >__O

I dont make much sense when I dont get enough sleep or if I take in too much sugar/caffeine. Although I do think it makes me more aware and I study better in my opinion. hohums.

Rosannamomma, our lovely flower- I feel the same. I dont really like group projects because if I do bad then it was my own fault, no one else's. However, I usually put a lot of effort into projects and it rather bothers me when my classmates dont do the same.

I'd love to see that cardigan on you ; u ;

CARDIGAN. i dont think i even have one, i think i'll google it later to truly understand it.

How'd West Side Story go? O:!!

To my Lovely Ladies, CHILLAX. you guys all have the extra curriculars, the grades, and the determination to get into a great college if not the one you were aiming for! Don't underestimate yourselves (:

Ah. Valentines Day. I went to the store today and @ CVS i was barraged by aisles of PINK selling chocolates and dolls for Valentines Day. I assumed Wendy would know but Chinese New Year- the Lunar New Year is on Valentines Day. & the New Year is celebrated with family- shoot me now.

I'm getting sidetracked, do any of you celebrate the lunar new year on it's ever changing day? There's a kid in my history class who mentioned (when we were discussing assimilation) that rather than celebrating the Lunar New Year (he was korean) on it's every changing day, his family just celebrates it on January 1st

So Yeana, Nik didn't work out /: A shame, but I know you ladies will all find the right guy (:

^goodness, look at me talk XD

Did you guys know that Valentines Day will also be my three-month with Arthur?

Ladies, I don't see Arthur often. We have no classes together because, well- Juniors and Seniors don't often have classes together =__= We see each other during the passing between classes if anything XD And goodgosh, I have my last two periods of class free so I could possibly go home early- but I actually enjoy waiting for him after school O__O I used to love going home early 'cause I'd be the only one in the house so I could experiment and try out new things to cook for lunch and whatnot. However, my parents have been home practically 24/7 and that's a story for another time. anyhoos

We basically have an hour a day together on the train ride back to Queens, and then we head in opposite directions by bus. He broke his phone & his mom doesn't know about our relationship yet so we hardly ever talk by phone- and with finals coming up we don't talk on aim often either.

But ladies, despite all of these "obstacles"

I'm in love with him.

I'm one who can easily love a girl friend, (you ladies had my heart after only ten days (: ) but i'm much more cautious towards guy friends 'cause- well, they get the wrong idea often and it hurts me when I lose a great friendship ): I grew up playing with my brother a lot so I'm quite the unorthodox girl. When I first started going out with Arthur (goodness i blush at him name, how lame///) I could feel myself falling for him- and this scared the bejeezus out of me. I didn't know when you were suppose to say these things, and I wanted him to take me seriously when i said it. I wanted him to know that although i say "I love you" to my friends a lot- that doesn't mean that I'm throwing it around. I wholeheartedly love my friends, and I wanted him to know that I felt that way about him in another level of love. And well, I don't know why I'm saying this- I guess it's 'cause I desperately want you ladies to meet him /:

Ah, it's 3AM i suppose I should try to nap a bit before i wake up but two hours later for school XD

hohums, the rest of my news in a flash:

i'm going to get a ukelele, i'm planning on using my chinese new years money/ birthday money for it :D I'm extremely excited C: That silly boy wanted to get me a ukelele but that's spending much too much money =__=

Yeanababe, thankyou for worrying. You make me feel like i'm that much more tangible- sometimes I think i lose my grasp on reality itself and I fade back into my mind.

My ladies, I've been going through some rough times with my dad but that was the norm

Today was just out of the norm a bit? (in a bad way though XD) I think I'll need much more time & some sleep before I can really explain it all =__=

But here's something to reassure you all; no matter how er- intoxicated my dad has been (and sadly it's happening more often. I think someone is a bonifide alcoholic when they have liquor in the morning afternoon and night with their daily meals and sometimes as their daily meal.) he's never hit me or my siblings. Mind, he's broken the wall before rather than hitting us- the dumbass (forgive my use of language) broke his hand before from overdoing it. But although he never hurts us physically, the same can't be said about how he hurts us psychologically.

I seem to have a particularly bad relationship with him somehow compared to my other siblings. It's somewhat to be expected, he used to be the nicest to me when I was younger because I had the best grades but lately I've been lacking in that area so I guess that's simply how the world works?

It's just horribly complex and I'll explain it another time

But ladies, I'll be alright. I haven't quite told anyone and even if Arthur chances upon my blog post and asks- I dont know if i'll be able to tell him like I can for you ladies. I think he should have to worry about my silly little issues.

I dont think you guys should either- but hohums. it's. different. I want you guys to know what's happening in my life, no secrets. That may be the beauty of our relationship (:

Don't worry about me ladies, I may not be "tough" per se- but I'm rather sturdy.

Love Always,

tracy.

Azn Sensation

2010-01-19T22:05:00.001-08:00

Hello ladies,

After seeing footage from the earthquake in Haiti I suddenly got very scared. I live in close proximity to the San Andreas fault line, and the area in which I lived was heavily shaken during the big quake of '86.

I'm sure everything will be okay, but just in case anything happens and I can't contact you guys, I'm letting y'all know that I love you forever. :]

Anywhoo, putting that aside...

Tracybabe, are you okay? I read your blog. What's up?

It's raining pretty heavily here. I think it hailed at one point in the day. I wish it would turn to snow. :]

Rosanna; I hope you did well on your exams. Hold up; it's you; I know you did well. :]]

I had my first Mock Trial competition on Saturday. The team's first attorney opened her mouth and destroyed us with her first few utterances. We literally had no chance, but it was....fun-ish. My witness forgot how to spell his name. LOL

How's Florida, Wendy? How're things with the guys? Studying up for SATs? GAH it's this Saturday... T^T I have to retake my math SAT II. Sigh...

I managed to pull through first semester with decent grades, but I'm starting second semester with a bunch of low grades. I am not very happy right now. Sigh...my teachers are ruthless and one does not know how to teach. Amazingly enough, this teacher is my APUSH teacher.

. . .

I'm rather worried about the APUSH exam. Anyways, at least my Bio teacher is awesome. I swear I love her to death. :]

I hope everyone's doing well. I also hope I get a boyfriend by Valentine's day. HA. HA HA.

Love,
Yeana

It's Only Life...

2010-01-09T18:17:00.000-08:00

The title of this blog is a song by Kate Voegele. It is really good and when I am down, I listen to a lot of her music to help me through it. Just some food for thought.

It is so cold here, a little below zero with wind chill. And I love it - I love the cold, I love the winter, and as odd as it sounds, it does not feel very cold at all. I guess I am used to freezing weather? - so when it is thirty-ish degrees outside, I am wear a light jacket...

I have in-class midterms starting this week: which means that for my electives class time is taken out of the school day so that I can have my final... it is usually split up into a few days (spanish is 3 days and criminal law is 2), then the last week of January is midterm week, so when I have a midterm, I go into school, but if I don't have one, I don't go to school. It is really nice becasue I have a sort of break...

Criminal Law is stressing me out. Our final exam is to put on a trial - we are taking a fairytale (the Pied Piper) and making it a criminal trial. Since this class is an elective, usually for seniors, many of the people in my group are lazy and it is getting to me because we have a lot to do still and our trial is Friday. And me, being the group leader, I have more on my plate, becasue I get penalized if my team is not on the same page. This may sound snobbish, but it is hard for me to work with regents kids as an AP kid becasue I am so used to having motivated and driven people around me. Wow, that felt nice to get off my chest.

Yeana- I am glad that you have reached that place. I think that it is a good place to be. And am proud of you for getting there, I can definetly relate to how hard it is to go against your parents wishes, but it is something that must be done. (my parents don't want me to go into law)

I bought a cardigan today, it is a lovely shade of blue. It is the first one I have bought in a while (like 6 months) and I am excited!

Ok, I must depart because I have massive homework to do and since I am in the midst of auditions for my school's musical (West Side Story) I need to get ahead on a lot of assignments.

Love to all,
Rosanna

:) From LOL.

2010-01-09T11:56:00.000-08:00

Hello my lovely ladies!

Yeana, I'm sooo happy that you have this figured out (kinda sorta?)! I very much like the idea of going to a college in the upper east where you will be in the environment to pursue your interests, and of taking classes both in theatre and a different major. :] Seems like such a easy solution, but I guess sometimes we reallly need to think about what we want to do in the future...and make sure that it will be right with us. Of course, college will only be another adventure and we may not even be too sure then! But I'm positive it will all be okay. :)

Anyways, it is getting reallly chilly in Florida! This time for real...today's temperature actually dropped below freezing! It hailed this morning and stupiddd Floridians thought it was actually snow...they posted it all over Facebook. Oh gimme a break...save me guys. :PPP
Nevertheless, I love this cold weather. It's just perfect! Rosanna must think it's a sin for me to say that...but Florida weather really does get too hot for me. I don't like it. >.<

So moving on to life...Hehehe. Well, my 2 week break is pretty much over; school starts again on Monday. It will be different and will take some getting used to. However, my break wasn't all fun and games. My parents are getting really strict about studying for the SATs so I have been working on this online program. I just hope all this work helps...I'm taking it in March and I just want to be done with it. I am getting so nervous about college and applying and everything!

The thought of applying to college just overwhelmes me. I have such high goals but I don't even know if I can reach them anymore...
As of right now, nothing else is important...so nothing else has been going on. I am turning into my parents more and more every day-- "Study first, then fun stuff".

*sigh* This discipline may get me nowhere, however.

Let me know how you guys are doing. Hope your winter holidays went well!

<3 WENDY

To my ladies

2010-01-06T17:17:00.001-08:00

Tracy, Rosanna, Wendy,

I clasp my hands together and praise the Lord for his goodness when I think of the day that we all met.

It was (and still is) a difficult time for me, and I am so thankful for all of you. I sobbed as I read each of your words; every one is like a diamond that's embedded itself in my heart. It's as if I've regained the strength to go on.

I've been doing some more thinking, and I've also been talking with my drama teacher. Wendy, you're right; it IS hard to make a living unless you get a big break, and that doesn't happen to many people. So I've decided to continue studying other things. I want to go to school in the east, preferably New York, and perhaps either do a double major or maybe get a minor in theatre and music or something like that.

I realize it'll be tough, but I think it'll be worth it.

I'm still not sure exactly what I want to do with this. My ultimate dream would be to go to Korea and become an actor in a drama, but that's not very likely. I would love to be on Broadway... who knows? Maybe it'll happen.

But I need to keep my options open; I realize that I can't just shut down everything for this.

Thank you, all of you. You really brought me out of a huge crash, and I love you guys so much.

I'm here for you, too.

I miss you, but through this blog I feel like we're still all connected, we're keeping this friendship alive, and most of all, in times of need, I can feel your support.

I can't say this enough; thank you.

With love,
Yeana

Yeana.....

2010-01-04T19:07:00.000-08:00

As stupid as this may sound: I totally get what you are saying. There comes a point where all you can do is think of music, the rush you get before curtain goes up on opening night, being someone else even if it is only for 2 hours. I completely (in my own way) understand what you are feeling.

I don't want you to live your life with any regrets. I think that is one of the worst things a person can do. Love what you do to the point that you can't imagine your life without it. If you don't want to be a lawyer, don'e be. It is not bad to go to college without a goal because sometimes you find yourself there, someone that you never knew was inside of you. I do agree with Wendy though, you should talk to your parents about this, and it may not be right away, but eventually you will need to. Organize your thoughts, put them on paper -- why this is so important to you.

Don't give up this dream Yeana, because dreams become realities. They really do. And there are so many things out there. Theatre via school, community theatre, young actors clubs and so on. There is so much out there. Don't give it up because others want you to have a different path in life. It is your life sweetie, not theirs. If you hate what you do, you will hate your life. Go for it, no regrets - we all love you and no matter what will support you and lift you up -- ALWAYS.

I do really understand what you are saying. I love music and everything about it and the theatre - if I didn't have it I wouldn't be me. If it is a need, there is really only one thing to do -- and you know what it is. Do what is right for YOU - forget about everyone else at the end of the day you are all you have and settling for something is not the person I know.

It is ok to be scared, it is life and as crappy as it sounds it is true, but from what I can tell, this is something that you need to do or try to do atleast becasue there will always be that what if...

I love you so much, don't hold yourself back, have vocal lessons and go for it. We got your back sweetie, no matter what.

I love you, text me of you need me.
Rosanna

yeana babe

2010-01-04T18:08:00.000-08:00

i love all of my ladies, but in this moment of need

i think i'll address this letter to yeana

but by no means does it apply solely to her

my words, my heart belong to all of you (:

To my most lovely Yeana,

Babe. breathe.

This may not quite help at all, but when i went to NSLC and learned about Law and whatnot, that's when i knew this is not for me.

I loved it and all O:!!

it just scared the bejeezus out of me & it didn't feel right.

You're a fantastic public speaker love,

you blew us away when you had the stand (:

But if you don't want this to be your thing, then okay O:

Of course, Rosanna's right- the future might pose a big issue O__O

But you know, then you can have more than one job. A job to pay the bills, and you can still follow your dream (:

It'll be tough love /:

But from what I've read, you love this. And from what I know of you, you hang in as tough as anyone I know.

Love, don't you dare think "is it too late"

i'll bite you.

In case you forgot....BREATHE.

If anything, I just decided about two weeks ago that I'm going to study to become a physical therapist (: Of course my parents & siblings didn't take me seriously since I'm an absolute fail at science. But it's alright 'cause I got the encouragement from people that matter to me (and the discouragement came from people who don't matter- thus i didn't care so much when they said it =__=)

Always with all of my love,

tracy.

p.s. if you end up living in your "rathole" of an apartment--> dont put up with that kind of shit. MOVE. get your singingacting butt over to NYC and live with me in MY rathole of an apartment. A change of scenery can do alot for opportunites perhaps & I would like it very much if you would serenade me now & then (;

In response to Yeana...

2010-01-04T13:28:00.000-08:00

I will write about myself later today, but right now I just want to help you Yeana!!

I can kinda understand what you're going through...When I was in 8th grade (yes, I know I was young but that doesn't matter!) I wanted to become an actress. I did drama in school and everything, and I loved it! Like you now, I watched all those kids on TV and realized that if this was something I'm passionate about, then I'm going to have to do something about it! And quick! Of course, I knew it wasn't going to work out for me (but that doesn't mean it won't for you) and I gave drama up as it came to High School. But Yeana, you are passionate about this! I know you are! So if this is what makes you happy...then you need to sit down with your parents and discuss this with them. Please listen to what they have to say and make sure they know what you have to say. But before you do this, you need to make a Pro/Con list or something. Lol. Even though this may seem as the right choice now, you need to think of the future...can you support yourself and possibly a family with this decision? And will you be willing to work possibly just a little harder to make yourself known? Sometimes you just have to take the chance, but sometimes you don't see the consequences at hand, because you are so young. I am not trying to encourage or discourage you, because I don't know what I would do myself. But my best piece of advice would be to talk to your parents about this...because if you do want an acting career, you're going to need an agent and everything. You'll have to start small but I believe an agent will steer you onto the right track. And since you live in California...these kinda opportunities should be available right?
So I hope that helps...I know it must be so hard with your parents disapproving...I don't know from personal experience, but my father went through the same thing. He was accepted into one of the most prestigious music schools in China to become a professional violinist, but his parents wouldn't let him. He's a doctor now and he's made our lives very comfortable...I'm not saying he never regretted not going, because I know he did, but he says he is very happy now. So even if this doesn't work out, sometimes we can't get what we truly want, or what we want the most...but the next best thing may make us very happy as well. Sometimes we just have to settle for what we can get, and make the best of it!

Hope this helps, and please call/text if you wanna talk...

<3 WENDY

Azn Sensation

2010-01-03T22:38:00.000-08:00

Hey ladies,

I need some advice/help...

I was just finishing up my biology notes when it hit me that I did not want to do this for the rest of my life.

Well, I mean, I've never been a science person so I knew that I wasn't going in this direction.

What I mean is, I don't want to be stuck reading and researching for the rest of my life.

We're so close to college...and we're all at that point where we're asking ourselves and each other, what do you want to do with your life?

All of my friends have the answer for me. "You'll be a lawyer, of course."

My family has the answer; "You'll go to a great school and you'll study hard and become a lawyer."

But in my heart I know that's not the answer.

Yes, I've realized that maybe I do have a knack for public speaking. Maybe I like doing it. But to argue on paper for the rest of my life? I don't know...

And lately it's been much more obvious. I want to perform. I want to sing. I want to act. I want to express all of this...whatever it is...that's bottled up inside. I see people onstage, and instinctively, I know that's where I want to be - no, it's where I need to be.

But is it too late?

I keep having this feeling that it's too late for me, that I've started down a path and passed the point of no return. My parents would never accept it. I don't know where to start, who to go do, what to do...I don't know anything. People younger than me are onstage, performing. People my age who aren't onstage have been practicing for years. I have no chance.

And yet...I want to give myself that chance. Or rather...I want somebody to give me that chance. I want to have singing lessons, and I want to go to auditions. I feel so trapped in my room, just watching movies and dramas and feeling my soul cry out inside me for want of relief.

Something tells me that I'm not just an obsessed fan girl. I see those fan girls and I know I don't belong there.

Help me, guys. I don't want to give this dream up. Yes - it's a dream. But maybe...just maybe...it's attainable. What do I do?...Do I start over again? Do I just cast everything else aside and follow my instinct or do I throw away that dream...and possibly regret it for the rest of my life?

I once told someone that if Andrew Lloyd Webber told me to never sing again, I'd do it.

But once I said it, I knew I was lying. I wouldn't give that up for the world.

I'm so scared. I'm scared to tell someone, to tell my parents, because I know that this community doesn't want that from me.

20 years from now, what will I be doing? Will I be working with a client on a case? Will I be performing to my heart's desire? Or will I be sitting in some rat hole of an apartment somewhere, just trying to get by because I've failed in everything?

Azn Sensation

2010-01-01T21:15:00.001-08:00

Hey ladies. :]

Rosanna: when it's 50 degrees where I live, we wear parkas and shiver until our limbs feel like they're going to fall off. :]]

This reminds me of something my math teacher told me last year: he used to live in Alaska. On the first day of spring, no matter how cold or snowy it was outside, he and all of his neighbors would come out in their shorts and t-shirts and drink a beer, taking in that good ol' spring air. :]

Tracy: I love you and your videos. Also, 3D glasses ftw.

Wendy: I think it's natural to be attracted to another guy while you're still in your "relationship" with Travis, especially if your "relationship" isn't getting anywhere. He really can't expect you to wait forever, and if he does, then he's being selfish. But I mean, you should talk to Travis. :/

I go back to school on Monday! T^T As soon as I get back I have an exam in Bio...then another exam in Bio on Tuesday. LAKJSDHLAKJGOAIE;FAH

Rehearsals for You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown also start once I get back. :] No gradual jogging back into school for me; it's a full out sprint from day 1 to the end.

How were/are all of your Christmases and New Year's? Mine was very quiet; we didn't really do anything special. Maybe it was better that way...sometimes you just need to stay home and laze around.

And don't worry about me and Nik...I'll figure it out =.=. I hope I do, at least. I have to see him again on Monday...hopefully I can just avoid him without any awkwardness. Wendy, I really don't know if he's that clingy with other people too, but our drama department is kind of clingy in general. I'm the weird one there. Hahahaha...

Here's to a new decade and a new year. Happy 2010!

amor, abrazos, y besos
Yeans

LANDO GIRL

2009-12-30T07:28:00.001-08:00

Hello all! It's almost the New Year! Wooohooo!
Any plans for New Year's Eve? :P

Anyways let me do some responses before I start rambling...Yeana, I'm gonna have to say, that conversation was legit hilarious...lolll. Wow, Nik does seem very annoyingly (word?) clingy so I would understand why you don't like him anymore. Lol. I'm sorry that things turned out like this :( But it does seem like he has an interest in you know? Idk, or does he just do this to everyone? Because if he does that's kinda weird...Hehehe. >.<
Rosanna! I must say, you do seem happier in your recent post...Idk if it's just the holiday season but I can almost hear your voice, and it sounds more joyful. ^.^ I know you're still busy doing this and that but aren't we all just so thankful for break!? Oh btw, the high does get up to 60s and 70s but in the morning and nights it does get down to 30s and 40s...which is pretty cold for the Floridian since we don't own all the big coats you Northerners have! :P
Tracyyy, I love your vids!! Haha you are sooo adorableee and just seeing you makes me miss our awesome 10 days together. :( I was going to post a video for all you guys but it was an epic fail (unlike Tracy's :P) and so I will try again soon. Hehe.

Anyways...like Yeana's sunny California, Florida is the same...temperature is dropping to a high of 40s this weekend, but the sun will still be shining. I like the Florida cold, I think it suits me. :]
So winter break has been very relaxing. I need to start cracking down on homework and SAT prep though. Ugh. >.<
Miami this past weekend was fun! It's even nicer over there, especially by the beach. :)

Sooo yeah. Hmm what else is new? Certaintly nothing with Travis, but who's minding? Hahaha.
Whatever, I'm confused anyways. I'm starting to have feelings....for one of my Chinese friends. A very close friend of mine. There's a rumor that he likes me...and well...we've been talking a lot this break. We normally talk a lot. We like the same stuff (currently watching the same drama :P) and I am always so comfortable with him. I haven't told any of my other friends about this because I don't know what they would say (especially with my "relationship" with Travis right now) and I just don't want to cause any unneccessary drama/worry. So I will keep this to myself. Of course, I'm more physically attracted to Travis...but oh my things are just moving so slowly and like Yeana said, it's bad manners to keep a lady waiting! *sigh* What to do...

Alright, we have people from Massachusetts over...I should go keep them company. Hah.

Love and miss you guys bunches!

<3 WENDY

a quick vid for us all <3

2009-12-29T15:38:00.000-08:00

well. this quick vid is rather useless and thus an epic fail.
but i figured i'll leave the results of my procrastination here before i return to homework, and i'll leave a better one around newyears, and also leave a proper reply to you all

LINKAGE

with love to my lovely ladies,
tracy.

p.s. cynthia was in NYC! only for two days though, and our schedules kept conflicting so we couldn't meet /:
darns.

p.p.s. AH. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT HERE I CAN UPLOAD A VIDEO, BUT ON MY OTHER BLOG I CANNOT?! @__@
confused.

Well, hello ladies...

2009-12-26T07:45:00.000-08:00

Hey girlies!

I am so sorry that I have not done an actual blog for sometime, life just gets so hectic with school and the holidays right before break. Luckily wednesday was my last day for a while (next Monday to be exact) so I can not go to school, but work on loads of homework (thanks to my APUSH and criminal law classes) and hangout with friends, and work and SLEEP (if that fits into the schdule!) I was looking back over my schedule today, a very booked and filled one for the week a ahead, and I realized, why must I do this to myself? What is wrong with giving myself a break? I don't know the answer to this question, and maybe I never will... some friends here say its becsue I am 'superwoman' (which is not true in the slighest) and some just say 'its because you are rosie' (yes, one of my nicknames fora small group of friends is rosie) -- but regardless, this is a question I want to figure out the answer to before this junior year is over.

I hope that you all had a good holiday with your families. It intrigues me on how crazy and dysfunctional my family is, but at the end of the day, we all love eachother and have so much love... which reminds me - I am going to attempt video messaging all of you on facebook soon... I just got a new laptop for my room and am still trying to figure things out.

Yeana - I am sorry to hear about your computer, but I am glad that you have been getting so much sleep! And I would much rather to have my midterms before break, but honestly some days it is nice to have them at the end of januray because its like a mini-break from school (if you do not have a test, you don't go to school) And I am sorry to hear about Nik, that stinks, but there will be others out there that understand what you are looking for. And I do like long walks in the sun, but what is warm to you? Because up here 50 degrees is short and capri weather....

Wendy - I think the real question is how hot was it when you said it was chilly in LOL? 60? and I am so glad that you and Travis are getting along well, thats so exciting! You must keep us updated! May be hasn't been moving fast because he is afraid it will ruin your realtionship, as moving fast has done to many people in the past, but no matter, he picked a wonderful smart (you did fine on your math final.... don't worry) girl and he is very lucky!

Tracy- Thanks for the facebook video! It was so sweet! And I am glad things are going well, but you need to remember that you are not a burden in your realationship, EVER. And you are most def not a screwup - its your first relationship, and I guess it is natural to feel this way? -- but all you have to do is be yourself! Which is a wonderfully funny smart beautiful person!

Do you guys have any plans for over break? Friends, family, etc...... :)

I got to run, but I lvoe all of you and think about the great 10 days we had together often!

Love,
Rosanna

Azn Sensation :]

2009-12-24T12:24:00.000-08:00

Hello my lovely ladies. :]

I have been sleeping in since Monday and it's a glorious feeling.

To Tracy: Relax, babe. I'm not much more experienced than you but I can tell you that you don't need to do anything to make things feel "right" other than chill. The biggest mistake I see being made in many relationships is that people will act differently out of the relationship than in it. If he compares you to his previous girlfriends, then that's just messed up and I will kidnap you and bring you to California and feed you chocolates...and you can bask in the sun. Yes, it is sunny here today. :]

But really, the girl he likes is YOU and that includes all of your quirks and funny traits. I mean, I love them...how could he not? :P

Wendy: We very nearly had a white Christmas here! Last week it was cold enough that it started snowing inland! Crazy, huh? Of course, I live too close to the bay for that to happen =.= The most I get is hail maybe once every other year.

I'm scared for my grades as well =.= Mother dear removed my laptop from my room T^T I don't know if that will help my grades any, though. I can amuse myself with books just as easily as I can amuse myself on my laptop. :]

Rosanna: We used to take our finals after break as well, but last year the faculty decided to try having them before break and everyone liked it so much that we kept it...but I definitely know how you feel. Freaking out through break is no fun. Tracy, this goes for you as well.

How's the weather over there? I haven't seen a white Christmas since I moved out of Korea 11 years ago. Take pictures and show me~~~Do you have snowball fights? Do you make snowmen? :DDDD There are so many things I would love to do if I lived in the snow, but I have to drive like 4 hours to get to the nearest skiing place, and you can't really play in the snow there. I'm not much of a skiier or boarder. I'd much rather flounder about in the snow and have fun my own way. :]

Anyways, Winter Formal was lots of fun. :] Haley is, as I said, once of my closest friends and he's really fun to be around. Once pictures come out they will be coming your way!!! :DDD

I have decided that Nik is really not the guy for me. :/ I was walking home after my last final last Thursday and I heard someone running behind me so I looked back, and there he was. Our conversation as I remember:
Nik: Hi!
Me: Hi.
Nik: How are you?
Me: Okay.
Nik: Just okay?
Me: Just okay.
Nik: Talk to me.
Me: About what?
Nik: I don't know...just talk to me, Yeana. Just talk.
Me: Wait, about what?
Nik: What's wrong?
Me: Huh?
Nik: Obviously something is wrong. Something's bothering you. Tell me what it is.
Me: O_o
Nik: Did I do something?
Me: What?
Nik: There's been some distance between us. Tell me what's wrong.
Me: What...what? (By now I was thoroughly confused/exasperated/tired/wanting to go home)
Nik: Do you hate me?
Me: What? No!
Nik: YOU HATE ME.
Me: . . .
Nik: Can I have a hug? Please? Why do you hate me?
Me: Nik, I don't hate you.
Nik: Really? Then can I have a hug? :DDD
-I was tired. I wanted to go home. I started walking...again.-
Nik: No no wait! See? You hate me!
Me: Nik! I DON'T HATE YOU. Will you please just let me go home?
Nik: Not until you give me a hug.
-at this point two of my friends were walking by. they stared. I saw them and groaned inside. they're kind of known to gossip...a lot.-
Nik: Can I have a hug?
Me: Nik, =.=
(hug)
Nik: :D -walks away-
Me: -feeling like smashing my head against a wall-

=.= I'm kind of...not too happy with him. My clingy-o-meter goes off like mad whenever I see him...and you know my thing about clingy guys. I am NOT looking forward to seeing him at school when it starts again.

Blehhh.

When I said I wanted to have a boyfriend I didn't mean that I wanted the nearest guy to come clinging on to me. *sob*

Wendy, hang in there! I'd say give it about...idk. 2 more weeks? Now that you've waited this long, I want to see you happily in a relationship. But things do be seem to be taking a while. No matter how perfect he wants things, he shouldn't forget that he has a lady waiting for him...and it's bad manners to keep a lady waiting.

All three of you need to come to California. We'll lay in the sun and take long walks everywhere. :]

Love you lots.
-Yeans

2009-12-23T15:15:00.000-08:00

i would first like to say is that i rather screwed up. XD

i decided that after that incident with my blog and such, i kinda neglected it and just posted posts here <3

well, i was on it yesterday

and i really just meant to mention you guys a bit....but then i got carried away and it turned into a full on NSLC nostalgia post XDXD

SO HERES THE LINK, CAUSE ITS ACTUALLY A POST!! :D

so my lovely ladies, happy holidays C:

to my lovely rosanna, NO WORRIES. i'll grab it from them when i'm not feeling too lazy..hah.

i'd also like to mention that my exams are after break as well > A <

and i've FINALLY signed up to take the SATs in january. gah >__<

wendywendywendywendy

MIAMI? O:!! WHOAS.

that seems rather awesome :D

also, about TRAVIS.

HRMS.

i'll admit, it does seem incredibly sweet how he seems like such a romantic, and yet at the same time it does seem like a rather wimpy excuse....

after all, YOU AGREED TO GO ON DATES WITH HIM. I THINK IT'S BEEN AFFIRMED THAT YOU LIKE HIM =__=

ALSO--> school is taking over for me too /:

But Lovely Wendy, don't forget. you're drop dead gorgeous. i'm not kidding. so relax. no need to give up on love or anything

but have confidence in how beautiful you are (:

I must say, thing between us are going swimmingly, but the things happening around us are not >__<

Since we're in different years and such, it's normal for us not to have any classes together >__<>

and he's a good student and he wants me to be a good student (...i try...) so "our" time is the hour long train ride

and that's about it 'cause we take different buses back home ]:

i suppose in the long run this is actually a good thing 'cause i'd probably get carried away and hang out much too much with him after school

and i'd get home late practically every day if it weren't for him =__=

but

i hate to say this

but i'm much like a rabbit.

when rabbits get too lonely, they die.

when i get too lonely, i just get really...sad TT_TT

^BUT I FEEL LIKE SUCH A BURDEN D: <--and i sound like one too =__=

i guess, it's just that this is the first time i've said yes when a guy asked me out and all

and i really like him

and i'm not his first girlfriend or anything so i get insecure and nervous that i might do something wrong

cause guys, i'm rather...uneducated.

you know how you (wendy (: ) mentioned how in middle school it was all "i like you lets hold hands"

first of all, i seem to develope slower than everyone else.

in middle school, i barely talked to guys. i just preferred talking to girls O: the rare friendship that i had with the occassional guy didn't always end well /: (though i got on amiably with my friends' boyfriends and such)

anyways.

and in highschool i befriended them much more easily, but those awkward moments when your friend asks you out

yeah

i'm not like you guys. i'm rather mean

one time it was over aim

and i laughed it off with them, saying cruel things like "that's not funny" or "dont play around like that, hahhah" etc etc

and the guy would laugh it off too, taking it as a no and such ):

and when they asked me in person

well

they're my friend and all

and they're awesome and everything

but i'm rather naiive ): and i didn't get that special feeling from them so i always rejected them >__>

So this is my first relationship

and i'm somewhat terrified that i'll screw up

incredibly nervous

and. i really. really like this guy. so i'm rather afraid that i'll end up hurt ]:

OHMEOHMYS

my friends are here so i'm signing off

and continuing later

cause there are things i can talk about with you guys

and just not

yeah

love

always.

LANDO GIRL!

2009-12-23T11:08:00.000-08:00

Hey guys!!

It's so great that we are all on break now :]
How have you guys been?!! I feel like we haven't been in touch lately...

I am just glad exams are outta the way...Rosanna it sucks that you have yours after break :(
Oh my it was such a tough semester!! I really need to get my crap together for 3rd quarter...there were wayyy too many close calls! Anyways, school is OVER for two weeks and I am ESTATIC. :]

Things will Travis are moving very very slowly...the date was great! And lately we've been hanging out a lot, talking a lot. He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend so I've been wanting to give up on him. Recently I've been so overwhelmed with school and other stuff that I've kinda put my social/love life aside...I've realized that I really need to focus what is important in my life right now. That doesn't mean that I don't want a relationship with Travis, because I do! It's just that I don't want to eventually get hurt at the end so I guess I'm trying not delve myself any deeper in this "relationship" I have with him. I guess we are "dating" but we are certainly not "together". I wish it was as simple as those middle school days..."I like you, you like me, let's hold hands!" But noooo now it's all complicated...*sigh* But anyways, I felt like I needed some advice on this so I talked to one of his best friends who just so happens to be a good friend of mine as well. I told him I was about to give up when he told me not to...Apparently Travis likes everything to be perfect. And he's a romantic, so he is waiting for the right time to ask me to be his girlfriend. He wants me to "feel" something from it, he doesn't want to just rush into things and for it to be meaningless...
Talk about sweet, but CMON! Sounds like a wimpy excuse to me. Am I just being insensitive? Lol, idk. But for right now...I am trying not to get so involved. Whatever happens, happens!

Yeana, how was the dance??? I saw your pictures, you looked amazing and you and Haley are too cute together! Hehe. I can sorta understand your situation with Nik...idk sometimes we just KNOW that they're not the right person for us anymore...

Tracy, you sound very happy with your man. :P Lucky you!

And Rosanna...I don't think I did too well on my math final. Lol. I made stupid mistakes, and my teacher is pretty sympathetic when it comes to grading, so hopefully he can overlook that...hahah. I still don't know what my math semester grade will be so let's hope it's an A!

Anyways...I cannot wait until Christmas! Do you guys have any plans? We're going to Miami for the weekend...Oh yes nothing like spending your Christmas in 80 degree weather! Haha...ohh so not cool. >.<
At least it's chilly in no so lovely Land O' Lakes!

:P Can't wait until I get out of here...
It would be awesome if we all ended up going to the same college. Hahaha...

Ahhh I miss you guys soooo much! Hope you guys are having a wonderful holiday season <3

-WENDY

Mad Quick.....

2009-12-18T14:04:00.000-08:00

Hey Girlies!

Tracy- I got a new cell # but lost yours, I hate for you to ask Wen or Yeana, but could you grab it from one of them? I want to make sure that you can text me if you need me.

Wendy- Its over! I hope that it went well

Yeana- I am so glad that you have finished midterms! Mine don't start until mid-january so I have a lot of work ahead of me.

I am so busy this time of year, with school and extracirricluars and everything, its so very hectic! I am going to try and mail all of you Christmas cards, but I can't predict that they will be there before Christmas, so my apologizes in advance.

Love to all, so sorry this is short! This is the last time I will be home until Sunday, sometimes I hate being social (jk)
Love y'all lots
Rosanna

ohmeohmys

2009-12-17T19:39:00.001-08:00

i could've sworn i posted a short post about how i was short on time, but i was definitely reading the blog posts! O:
i guess i didn't? @__@

here's it brief, and i'll find time later to say more :D

everything is actually going swimmingly
though
quite honestly, i'm going through some difficult times with my dad. again. xD
i don't want to bother people about it though, you guys are just. special? O:!!

i feel a bit better just knowing that there's this connection with my ladies through this blog (:
sorry for using you guys like this > A <

THOUGH
i must say
though not able to properly comment on it yet 'cause i'm currently procrastinating. again.
YEANA.
NIK.
?
O:
IM WORRIED ABOUT YOU NOW ):

WENDY
BABE,
HOW WAS YOUR DATE?
(;

ROSANNA
MY LOVELY FLOWER,
PLEASE BREATHE.

christmas letters will be coming (:
gifts will be after newyears (the chinese one so i have some money =__=)
^IM RATHER EXCITED. CAUSE I WANT TO TRY THIS NEW CRAFT THINGER (hehheh, secret) FOR YOU GUYS' (grammar fail. dont worry, it was intentional.) GIFT :D

since yeana and wendy's bdays both passed already..i'm considering sending rosanna a bday gift along with xmas? O:!!

also. i'm curious. although this isn't supposed to be a proper post, it sure is developing to become one D:
collegse. where are you guys applying? IM INTERESTED O:!!
though i'm probably applying to places less...well. i'm happy with just getting into college xD
there's this women's college that i'm interested in applying to...'cause their dorms are these rather gothic castle styled houses.....bad reason. but i love it. (:
however.
he's making me study.
he as in my boyfriend o///o (is it bad that i still. well, blush at a little thing like that? /: )
yes, well. i'll explain more in detail how this came to happen
but i'm going to attempt a facebook break
and start some actual studying. freshmen and sophmore year i kinda just...drifted. which is bad =__=

i just want some ice cream.

missing that lovely fifth floor,
tracy.

p.s. i need you guys so much so thanks for being here (:
p.p.s! i'm somewhat getting the hang of those gosh darn friendship bracelets D: i'm interested in trying to make one for you guys to add to wendy's lovely one in the same colors maybe, just in different shades? O:!!
p.p.p.s. i love you guys (:

:]

2009-12-17T01:11:00.000-08:00

Hello ladies.

I am finished with my first semester finals! It's both a disappointment and relief. I'm disappointed because I haven't done as well as I wanted to on some of my finals but at the same time I'm relieved that I can relax for a while.

Tomorrow night is Winter Formal. I'm actually really excited. :] Haley's an awesome guy.

Nik...

I don't know. I feel like he's not the guy I thought he was. I'm not comfortable around him...like I said before, I can't really describe it...or him. :/ I have no clue.

Sigh.

But I'll take lots of pictures from tomorrow and pictures from the dance will go your way! I promise that. :]

How are all of you doing? How are midterms/finals/whatever you guys call them?

love,
Yeans

=(

2009-12-16T12:19:00.000-08:00

No one is blogging!
I understand though, the second semester is ending, midterms are coming up right before the holidays...

Hope you all are doing well though. :]

Just wanted to say hi,
Wendy

It's like 80 degrees here.

2009-12-10T12:37:00.000-08:00

Seriously. Well actually, it's just gotten cooler today Today, it's been like the 60s. But the past couple days it's been pretty high up there...Florida has weird weather patterns. >.<
But anyways, warm weather in December is just not cutting it for me...which is why I'm so JEALOUS of Rosanna's snow day!! Hahah I wish we had those! :(

Anyways. Good to hear for you girl. Still keeping busy, huh? At least it takes off the mind from troublesome things. ^.^

Life currently is fantastic. School is ehhh but I'm still remaining optimistic. It's weird...now I'm not all that stressed anymore. It's not that I don't care, because I do A LOT, but I'm less tired and I guess I'm just happy overral. :PPPP
So things with Travis are very good. We've been discussing our relationship and it seems as if he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend on our date tomorrow night. ^.^
I'm making him see New Moon with me.

HAHAH. :))))

Anyways. I'm kinda nervous for the date...he is actually pretty shy in person. But if all else fails, there'll still be a movie to watch. Hehe. :P

So I've been living my life day by day. CANNOT wait until Winter Break (which starts the 23rd for me) but that means Midterms are in just a week...yikes. My spanish oral is going to make me or break me. Ugh.

Oh wells. I miss you guys tons! Write soon!

<3
WENDY

An Update...

2009-12-09T11:45:00.000-08:00

An update: I actually don't have school today - its the first SNOW DAY...
sorry to Yeana and Wendy who don't usually get these

Tracy - did you get a lot of snow in the city?

From the Corners of the US

:DD

College O:

Happy :]

Hello!!

azn sensazn? :D

Done.

Merry Christmas!

:D

HELLO! :]

HAPPPPPPY[belated]BIRTHDAYYY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENDY!!!!!!!

HEY GUYS!

FIGHT-O!

Hi from Lando.

It Has Been A While

SENIORIFFIC!

Hello from Lando!

I wish I had a trade mark title ....

a hey and a ho from californi-o

mudpies

Quick hello from LOL!

A Request....

Dearies

Hello from China!

OHSNAPS

Guess who's back?

Happy Birthday, America!!!

ARGH.

One before I leave!

:]

Me, Again...

*sigh*

Hey Lovies!!

JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW

DON'T NEGLECT YOUR TUMBLY!

I'M RATHER SILLY!

akjkdslfjdsklghfdsjgsdjkh < Asian Moment :)

YESYESYES.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Darlings....

azn sensation :]]]]

WHY ISN'T ANYONE BLOGGING!

SUN FUZZIES!

Don't worry, I'm still alive!

IMMACREEPER.

quickly...

and so,

A little bit of time on my hands...

Hola Chicas!

I Return :]

Hello All!

Rosanna.

I love that book

Tuesday is over, I AM BACK.

Post-Charlie Brown

Real quick!

Period 4!

Azn Sensation :]

Hello Ladies!

Hello from Lando! (I'm such a poet.)

REGULAR FONT GOOD, TEENY TINY FONT IS OPTIONAL TO READ

Happy Birthday Tracy!!!!

LANDO GIRL

Azn Sensation

Just Checking In....

~

...

Olympics !!!!!

Hello for Land O' Lakes :)

Hello for Land O'

Azn Sensation

I'm sorry, but its another short post

from the jellyfish CE

*Sigh* From LOL

My Darlings.... (muy rapido)

151st post!

LANDO GIRL

For a Moment...

for but a moment

sigh

Sigh From LOL